She keeps saying no contact because I remind her of the past ??

[Paxes]

DOes that mean she still has strong feelings for me ? Should I try to keep pushing her buttons then ? She is the type that sounds tough on the outside but has lots of feelings on the inside . My instincts tell me that if I keep saying sweet things to her she'll break down . What should I do ?? Or should I leave her alone like she asked ??? Thanks.

[cycletease]

I hate to dash your hopes, but you need to leave her alone.

[bluesummer]

Some people really despise their pasts and are happier just to forget them, leave them behind, and in the process eliminate anything that may cause them to remember said past.
Like cycletease said, better to leave her alone.

[bohemiandonut]

Wait a minute, what do we know about this guy's situation? And doesn't no contact usually come with the secret hope that your partner will at some point change and beg for you back?

Paxie, who broke up with who?

Give us a bit more information.

[misombra]

Wait a minute, what do we know about this guy's situation? And doesn't no contact usually come with the secret hope that your partner will at some point change and beg for you back?Paxie, who broke up with who?

Give us a bit more information.

not necessarily. i am currently enforcing the no contact rule on a guy i know that i like a lot but cannot be with. not now and probably not ever. but talking to him or getting emails from him or any contact would just make me crazy. my mind would start going on and on and it would just suck. so i told him to piss off for the rest of my life so i can try to forget about him. it's not easy but it's impossible if this person is "out there somewhere" you know?

[bohemiandonut]

Well, I see that as something a little different from the traditional "No Contact," which the way I interpret it is something one enforces after they are broken up with.

What you describe requires no effort from you, it's not like you have to "be strong." You're just basically being cruel so your ex-boyfriend doesn't bug you. Necessary, possibly, but I'm not sure that's the situation here.

[Paxes]

Thanks everybody for your replies. Ackkkk .. The honest truth is it may be like misombra's case. But I don't know about the point " that she knows she can't be with me" . We are both single and I'm her first bf.

She said she broke up with me because of jealousy and my personal problems ( as in I was so busy in my life she felt she was only "friends with benefits" instead of real gf). Since I'm her first bf, she told me she's confused because she's afraid she'll get too attached and she doesn't like that feeling. It's also that she built up all her dissatisfaction and blew up on me at once instead of communicating it to me.

I am stressed out trying to get over her, accomplish all the goals in my life, and trying to change into the bf that she wants and what I want myself to be also. She also became cruel just so I don't bug her . And I do not. It's just I have this cycle and every two weeks it becomes unbearable. I just called her, she picked up and I said hi .. just wondering how you are doing ... she said I'm okay? anything else and hang up ... I'm okay with that cuz I just missed her and want to hear her voice.

It makes me look weak that I cannot enforce the NO CONTACT rule but I don't care. I told her I don't bother her and I always say 2 sentences and that's it. But it apparently drive her crazy also .. My instincts say she still has strong feelings for me. I don't want to bother her or hurt her but I'm suffering as well. It's a lose lose situation. I have moved on trying to date again, socialize and such. But I do need a phase out. I can't go cold turkey. I need a little bit more stability to deal with withdrawal from her and trying accomplish all my goals in life. So I don't know what to do to have her understand me and yet to give her my understanding also. Believe me, I want to back off both for her sake and my sake. But I keep struggling but it's only 1 simple call every two weeks. Is that too much to ask ??

Yeah counseling will help but for the short term I still need a resolution. I know she makes it clear but she also keep saying she can tell everybody she doesn't have any feelings left but she has her own she'll have to deal inside. I feel like I can take advantage of this weak point. I know if I keep pushing it she'll fall for me again. But I also want to do it right and have our issues involved.

ALso being that I'm her first bf I also think she may need to explore others. I don't know I am torn. But I have ot think of her well being as well. If I leave her alone (which I shall try to do my best) I think my chances will flutter away ... cuz she already did it once... after she broke up with me she call me back the next day saying we're not officially break up but we're just on a break as in we can still hang out privately but no touching and intimacy. I said okay. But then I began to enforce the NO CONTACT and we did not talk or hang out for a week. Then she called back and change her mind.

It has been one month since hte break up and I don't want her feelings for me to go away. I feel like I can reallly bring it up. But in what way and if it's good for both of us in the future ?

[misombra]

"What you describe requires no effort from you, it's not like you have to "be strong." You're just basically being cruel so your ex-boyfriend doesn't bug you. Necessary, possibly, but I'm not sure that's the situation here." donut boy...

are you kidding me? i didn't have to be strong? you know how much strengh it took me to tell this man who i was in love with who didn't feel the same way that i couldn't talk to him anymore, that it was too hard? i wanted to talk to him, i wanted to be with him! and i didn't have to be strong? that was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do, to tell someone that you admire so much that you love them so much that life couldn't go on unless he was gone and i could just carve him right out of my heart? you know i still don't even think it makes any difference, i still think about him. i have a boyfriend now and i love him and we live together, but i still think about this person. do you know how hard that is? and this person will never be there for me like i want him to, never. do you know how much strengh it takes to realize that you have to let things like that go and try not to let it affect your life too much? he wasn't "bugging" me. he was the nicest person, i think that's what makes it so hard to bear, he was a descent person, if anything he didn't bug me enough.

anyway, i just completely went off. just had to get that off my chest.

[diablo robotico]

It makes me look weak that I cannot enforce the NO CONTACT rule but I don't care. I told her I don't bother her and I always say 2 sentences and that's it. But it apparently drive her crazy also .. My instincts say she still has strong feelings for me. I don't want to bother her or hurt her but I'm suffering as well. It's a lose lose situation. I have moved on trying to date again, socialize and such. But I do need a phase out. I can't go cold turkey.

Here, try this as a solution. You said you can't go cold turkey, but what if you started weening yourself off? Right now you call every two weeks. How 'bout if you upped it to three weeks? Then four weeks, then five, etc. Eventually you'll not even feel the need to call. Stretch it as much as you can bear. Maybe go to two weeks and three days. Two weeks and four days, etc. Work your way to longer and longer absenses.

[bohemiandonut]

Misombra: If he was so great, why did you break up with him?

"so i told him to piss off for the rest of my life so i can try to forget about him. it's not easy but it's impossible if this person is "out there somewhere" you know?"

That's what I was responding to.

[Paxes]

Hi everybody,

Sighh.. I'm getting really depressed and it's swirling down for the worse. I tried but can't seem to shake it off. I think the break up trigger something. DO you think I should try to talk to my ex and see if she can help. I don't care about whether she has feelings for me or not. I just need a phase out to absorb the shock. I'm getting really tired.

[diablo robotico]

Hi everybody,

Sighh.. I'm getting really depressed and it's swirling down for the worse. I tried but can't seem to shake it off. I think the break up trigger something. DO you think I should try to talk to my ex and see if she can help. I don't care about whether she has feelings for me or not. I just need a phase out to absorb the shock. I'm getting really tired.

Nah, don't talk to your ex. That'll only make you feel worse. You need to get busy. Do some other stuff. Get out of the house. The key is to do stuff to keep your mind distracted. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

[misombra]

Misombra: If he was so great, why did you break up with him?

"so i told him to piss off for the rest of my life so i can try to forget about him. it's not easy but it's impossible if this person is "out there somewhere" you know?"

That's what I was responding to.

i didn't break up with him. we were in two different places and for a variety of reasons we just couldn't be together. we were on two paths that just happened to intersect but will never intersect again.