Pregnant to my best friend...does he want us to be together?

[Mia]

I apologize if this gets long. I'll really try to keep this as breif as possible. Here's my situation:

I'm a straight woman and i'm in love with my best friend who's gay. I fell in love with him long before he reveals his sexual orientation to me. When he told me he was gay, i was really surprised because he never did or said anything to give it away. Plus, i knew about relationships he had with women (later he told me that he tried with these women but it was pointless because he was not interested in women whatsoever). I was disappointed but didn't say anything because i didn't want to jeorardize our friendship. After all, he was gay and i wasn't dillusional, i knew he would never be straight and i had accepted it. Since then, i dated other men and so did he.
All that until one night when we were both feeling bad,each one for our own reasons, we sat on his bed watching a movie, comforting each other and all of the sudden we found ourselves kissing. We made love that night and for the following week we were meeting daily and made love. He was so passionate, he really seemed he was sexually attracted to me.
But after those days he disappeared for weeks. I was trying to reach him on the phone but he was nowhere to be found. I worried that something might have happened to him because all those years i knew him he never disappeared for so long. One day i called him and he surpsingly answered. He told me there was nothing wrong he was just too busy to contact me which was odd. He acted like the intimate moments we spent together never happened, and on top of that, he told me about a new guy he was seeing. I didn't say anything and we just continued being friends.

After about two months, i found out i was pregnant by him! We used protection every time but it happened. I let him know about it, and after the initial shock was over, he dealt with it pretty well. He hugged me and told me how excited he was.
He later asked me to move in together. He always was gentle and sweet with me but now that we're living together, he's so loving and caring... He comes with me everywhere, we walk on the street holding hands, he's cooking for me every day, he wants us to sleep on the same bed, he holds me in his arms to sleep, kisses me on the lips and tells me that he loves he. Plus, he broke up with the guy he was seeing. Everywhere we go people think we're a couple and when some of them tell us how perfect we look for each other he never tells them otherwise. He also adopted a dog for us and he's constantly dreaming about us, our baby and our future together!
I don't want to start hoping that there are chances of us being together as a couple because it will really hurt me when i realise things are not that way. I also don't want him to try to go against his nature with me because i care for him and don't want him to be miserable. I told him he doesn't have to do all those things, he didn't have to break up with the guy he was dating and we could do other arrangements with the child that wouldn't affect his life so dramatically but he told me that he means everything he's doing, he's not interested in dating anymore as our baby and fatherhood are the most important things for him from now on and that he's happier than ever with our life now.
This is sooo confusing! I mean, he's gay. He can't be in love with me, can he? I don't understand, what does he want from me? He wants us to be in a relationship? He wants us to be friends who happened to have a child and live together? But if he wants just that, why does he have this boyfriend-like behavior with me? I'm so lost...

I'm very interested in hearing opinions on my situation that will hopefully help me clear things up in my head. Thank you for reading..

[Cerulean.]

Wow. I'm very sorry but I feel like I'll have crappy advice for you. I can only imagine what I would do... which would be to have a serious conversation and lay it all out and ask him where he's at with everything and to make sure it's not just because of the baby. Parent's don't HAVE to stay together to raise a healthy child. I say this because again, he came out to you and everyone that he is gay. I really can't see him being happy for the rest of his life when he's attracted to the same sex. Then again... I don't know him. So, talk it out with him again.

[Mia]

I know that gay people don't turn straight (or even bi) and this is why i don't let myself hope that there's a chance of us being together like a normal couple.
I keep telling him that he doesn't have to do all those things but he seems rather offended and always stops the conversation telling me that he's happier than ever and that his life the way it is now is complete. He looks honest saying these things and he also keeps being all boyfriend-ish with me. I really don't know what to think. There are a million assumptions and no answers in my head right now. You're right, conversation is the only way.

[smackie9]

Personally I think he is sexually confused, and that yes he could be bi, because gay men don't come around for sex with a women for a week straight (pardon the pun). That was no act, but lets set that aside. If you are going be with this person raising a child, which will have it's own set of challenges, you definitely need to talk honestly with him about it and about how confusing his behavior is towards you. It's just a suggestion but I think he could maybe use some therapy, not just about his sexuality but the reason why he is taking on a totally different role all together and sacrificing his lifestyle for another.

[IndiReloaded]

This is a troll story. LOL.

But, anyway, just for fun. He seems to really care about you, and you him. I think you should stay together and raise your baby. I am assuming you are both in stable jobs? I hope. If not, then reconsider having this baby.

As for the sex part, noone is really 100% gay/not gay. So maybe you should get in touch with your more masculine side for sex. Once you've had your baby, of course, and he's over your whole Goddess-Earth Mother persona--it don't get any more female than that.

Have you ever wanted a 3-some? As in, 2 guys at the same time? This could be your golden opportunity to get freaky in a way you will both love.

See, there's a silver lining in every absolutely fabulous situation...

[Mia]

@ smackie9
I've never considered therapy. I'll really give it a thought. I don't know how to suggest it without him been offended though...Anyway, if things don't clear up differently i'll put it on the table.

@IndiReloaded
I know it's not the usual, "he broke up with me what should i do? or something" story but it's not trolling. If it was, i would put a catchier title like "gay guy got me pregnant" or something. Anyway, no point in trying to persuade you for anything.

That said, yes of course we both have stable jobs. I wouldn't consider having a baby otherwise. I consider myself and him responsible people.
Regarding the sex part, i don't know how to put this without sounding inappropriate, but he wanted to be in charge in sex. I don't know if this has anything to do with him being exclusively a top in his intercourse with other men. He's never been a bottom and according to his words never wants to be. I mean, if i didn't know he was gay, i could never tell just judging by the sex. It was like having sex with someone who was attracted to women.

[iamaninnocentma]

ignore indi, shes always calling people trolls. But you are right. "gay guy got me pregnent" is a catchy title. btw, wtf is a bottom gay and a top gay. google shows no results??? is it about giving and receiving? if hes never been a receiver, then hes not really gay, hes just bisexual.

[Mia]

@ iamaninnocentma
Yes it's about giving and receiving. He's never been a receiver and is not interested being one.

[iamaninnocentma]

@ iamaninnocentma
Yes it's about giving and receiving. He's never been a receiver and is not interested being one.

I dont blame him tbf, it looks pretty painful.

Another good way to test if hes gay is to look at his cd collection. Does he have a lot of show tunes or george michel cds?

[Mia]

I dont blame him tbf, it looks pretty painful.

Another good way to test if hes gay is to look at his cd collection. Does he have a lot of show tunes or george michel cds?

LOL nothing suspicious about his taste in music. He likes the hits everyone likes. He's a fan of JLo and Pitbull. Does that say anything about his sexuality? I have no idea.
All jokes aside, i could never guess he was gay if he didn't tell me.

[iamaninnocentma]

yeah, liking jlo is a bit dodgy, although saying that, im partial to a little "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it, oh oh oh oh", so it doesnt really prove anything, because im as straight as they come. i didnt even hug my brother to console him after he triple bogeyed the the 71st hole of a 4 round event at sawgrass as he was trying to beat my record that coincidently ive held for 4 years. he was inconsolable. but i just patted his back and said ul, lol.

[MaidenMinx]

For what it's worth, my step mother was gay her whole life until she met my dad.

You really need to talk to him about this.

[JamesWS]

Thanks for your post.

[Wakeup]

Yes, and while you're talking to him to get this all straighten out so you know where his mind is at, please talk to him about safe sex and if he was going bareback with the dude he broke up with. If he was, please get checked for std's.

I can't even imagine the quagimire of mixed bodily fluids being exchanged.

I also agree with Smackie in that the father of your baby would do well to talk to someone about the roles he's trying to play.

[Mia]

@MaidenMinx
I've heard about the "every gay person can be straight with the right person" thing but never really believed it. I'm glad to hear that sometimes it happens. Let's hope that's the case with us too. We'll see...

@Wakeup
Don't worry he is very precautious when it comes to sex and he's always using protection.