Am I just for show (as well as sex, cooking and washing)?

[Mocha_mel]

Hello,

I have been in a relationship with my bf for a year and a half. He's the type of guy who's not very passionate and expresses his feelings; we have gotten into some arguments at the beginning of our relationship because of this issue and his response will always be like, "if I don't care or if I don't see you as my girl, I wouldn't be taking you home to my family and introduce you to my friends." I'm really not the type who needs a lot of attention either so I accept that reason. I bought my own place 9 months ago and he has pretty much moved in with me since then; so I'd be cooking and doing his laundry, etc etc. He does contribute to the houswork from time to time but I can't really count on that. He's quite a gamer so whenever we're at home, he'd be gaming while I'd either be doing chores, or maybe watching some TV on my own while watching him play. I'm a bit of a gamer too so I do enjoy watching him play but we just never been into the same type of game. Then D3 came out and obviously he's been staring at the computer whenever he has time. Since I have a lot of friends that play D3 as well, I started playing too. At the beginning, my bf was very disouraging, keping saying that I should just play on his computer and no need to purhcase my own (which we all know would not work...). So I ended up getting my own games and have been playing with my friends (and with him occasionally). Then tonight, he was supposed to meet up with his friend for a LAN party + dinner gathering and does not really want me to be there; I really don't get it since even if he doesn't want me to play, I could just chill with his friends' wives and kids. I keep feeling that he just want me to be there when its' convenient for him and want me to get lost when he's fed, sexually satisfied and have clean cloths.

Another thing that bugs me a lot is that my family is actually from another town (I moved to the current city all by myself almost 3 years ago), and I would go visit my family once a month. Whenever I tell him I'm going home, he'd say that I abandoned him and how he ended up doing nothing interested but just spending time on his own the entire weekend, and he'd always say he missed him and wish I'm in town. But during the time I'm out of town, he'd never call/txt/msg me, which makes me really wonder if he really gives a sh!t about me...

Please help? He's 31 and I'm turning 27 in a month; we're planning to go to Europe together in Sept... If this is not meant to be, I rather end it right now so both of us continue to live with the wrong person...

Thanks a lot in advance.

[dem862]

Tell him you want to improve the relationship for both of you. Give him a list of things he should do to make you feel loved and cared for. Also, ask him what he would like you to do to make him feel loved and cared for. Do this in a non-confrontational way. Maybe over a romantic dinner. Then see how he reacts. If he cares for you, he will see it as an opportunity. If he doesn't care for you, he may get defensive or just ignore it. You may already know the answer.

[iamaninnocentma]

Finally, a computer based problem i can help with.

The problem here is your choice of game. Id suggest you get a playstation3 and tiger woods golf. You can play this as a 2 player game and you being a women will probably be rubbish at it. This will boost your bfs ego and encourage him to play with you. One piece of advice, stay away from the chinese courses. They have too much water for female play and your constant bogeying will discourage you.

As for you doing all the chores. Hello mcfly. Females job.

[smackie9]

It's his personality, this is just the way he is and you knew that right at the beginning of your relationship so why did you bother continuing? You had a choice right there to tell yourself "I'm not getting what I want, so this isn't going to work for me" but instead you stupidly thought maybe he would change...NOT. This means that your relationship expectations are not being fulfilled and you are not compatible. You can sit there all you want and tell him he isn't affectionate enough...there is no point because he knows this, it is the way he is, take it or leave it. The sensible thing to do is to stop wasting your time with him and end the relationship. You have given up way too much for someone that isn't your match.

[Mocha_mel]

Regarding the game choice... he's kicking my @ss on D3 and I didn't even ask to play with him. In fact, I don't really want to play with him since he's already in hell mode so he knows what to do and where to go while I just want to take my time and explore around... He likes playing first person shooter and those games make me dizzy; and while he plays 3rd person adventure games (like ME3), I would actually sit beside him to help him do research when he asks me to. I would just sit there doing my own stuff and keep my mouth shut unless he wants communication. I really don't think any gamer could ask for a better bf in that sense.

And I keep thinking one of the reason he's still dating me is because the internet at my place is a lot faster than his (I have fiber optics at my apartment)... For example when I'm out of town, I know he'd stay at my place instead of going to his parent's place)... Sometimes, I can't help but think the fast internet, and all the "services" I provide is the reason he's still in this relationship.

By the way, don't assume all girls are bad at playing golf on video games I would intentionally lose when i play street fighter with him just to boost his ego; and I know many of my female friends do that... So next time you beat a girl on whatever video games, remember this

[iamaninnocentma]

yeah, you could be right about the internet thing. i would kill for fibre optic internets.

I dont assume all girls are bad at golf games, i know they are. My gf cant even break even at sawgrass when she plays single player. Also im sure your bf could beat you at street fighter even if you were trying.

If you do decide to ditch this noobs ass, give me a call, i wouldnt mind a few downloads on your internet.

[JasonHJJ]

Thanks for your post.