What's wrong with her?

[Jonny5665]

Hi all.

Been with my girlfriend for 2.5years now, but at the moment having a few problems with her, especially with her attitude. Up until recently we were having sex very very rarely (say once every 2 months, maybe longer sometimes). I spoke to her over and over again and asked her what the problem was, but she said nothing was wrong and she said she knew it was affecting me. I said i am willing to help her if shes got a problem because i dont want to put pressure on her, just want us to get back to normal.
Anyway, recently things have gotten a lot better, so whatever was wrong has somehow gone from her mind. But even so she never ever ever makes a move on me (this has been going on over a year now) she always turns her back to me when going to sleep (nothing unusual there) but even so she never turns around to face me for a cuddle, or anything, she never instigates anything with me, and its getting me down a bit as if she doesnt fancy me. But when i make a move on her she loves it.

Second problem is she stopped smoking about a year ago now, but has recently started smoking when shes out drinking again, which i cannot stand and she knows it really really gets me down.
So alst night shes out and i go anc pick her up and she had been smoking. So i just asked her please can she stop smoking (her father has lung diseasse from smoking) because i dont want anything to happen to her, I dont want me and her 2 kids to go through the heartach of losing her to something so stupid.
So after a bit of an argument (she cant talk like an adult about this subject) she basically tells me "like it or **** off" and then 2 mins later tells me "Your so perfect, I love you and your to good for me and im horrible to you"

So basically is there anything i can do to sort these to things out? first one is her lack of coming onto me in bed, and the second one being her terrible attitude towards me.

Thanks for any help

[pisces25]

I understand you wanting her to want to quit but by insisting she does is not the right way to go about it. She has to make this decision herself. You sound like a parent otherwise.

As for the first problem has it always been like this? Since the beginning?

From my experience when I lose interest in my partner sexually it usually means I have lost interest in the relationship. Not that I want to, it just happens. And it's hard to get the feeling back. But in your situation if it has always been like that then perhaps it will never change.

[Jonny5665]

She has always slept that way facing away from me, at the start of the relationship (first 6 motnhs say)she would come onto me, but even then not very often, but now its not at all, and im getting pretty sick of it if im honest.
With the smoking thing she has already quit, just apart from when she gets drunk, and basically her attitude is "I will do what i want" which suggests to me that she doesnt want to stop smoking when she has a drink, and to be honest with you i cant handle it anymore, its stressing me out no end.

She has 2 kids from previous and I do anything i can to help them and bring them up like my own and give them everything i can. I treat my girlfriend like a queen, always there for her emotionally, compliment her, do things for her, clean up her house for her, clean dishes, give her massages etc. I have even bought her a car, and it just seems she forgets about all of that, she could at least show me some respect and at least try to see my point of view about smoking and say she will try and stop, and she could at least try to be more affectionate towards me.
She's said herself im the best bloke she's met and im perfect blah blah, but to me actions speeks louder than words and her actions dont back that up.
Im half tempted to just stop everything I do for her, and take the car back for myself and she can have her old one back. Im a nice bloke and i do everything for her and will do anything for her, but im sick of her rubbish attitude.

[pisces25]

Well if you're sick of it perhaps it's time to move on. Maybe by leaving she will realise a few truths about how she has been acting.

[Jonny5665]

To be honest it does seem like the old saying is right here "you dont know what you've got until its gone"

Thanks for your help by the way, do you think me stopping doing what I do for her and taking the car back might make her realise that i do a lot for her and she needs to buck her ideas up a bit, or is that just likely to make things worse. I do love her and the kids to death but she just needs to sort a few things out. Which in my eyes are very simple to sort out.

[pisces25]

I don't think taking the car back will be that effective. Maybe you need to bring it to her attention that these two things you mention are making you unhappy in the relationship and unless things change you want to reconsider being in the relationship.

Like I said though if her smoking is a problem you will sound like a parent telling her off for it.

[Boisdevie]

Just leave her. A relationship should make you happy. And life is way too short to put up with crap.

[lydiajackie]

I know what your going through, when someone you care starting behaving in funny ways, from my point of view if you loss interest in someone you behaving in i dont care ways, i think she has lost interest and she is not so sure of where she is going, first of all she is not looking at having kids any more so she is just there for comfort, and she makes love with you because she wants not because you want, she is turning the relationship into harbor until she finds her away out.
Try and be to your best may the decision is yours mostly when it comes to love issues dont be influenced by others.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should take everything back, including yourself. I take it you live together, so moving out may be difficult. You should break up with her, and take your things back, and move out when your lease is up.

[Jonny5665]

I know what your going through, when someone you care starting behaving in funny ways, from my point of view if you loss interest in someone you behaving in i dont care ways, i think she has lost interest and she is not so sure of where she is going, first of all she is not looking at having kids any more so she is just there for comfort, and she makes love with you because she wants not because you want, she is turning the relationship into harbor until she finds her away out.
Try and be to your best may the decision is yours mostly when it comes to love issues dont be influenced by others.

Thanks for the reply, it does seem that way to me, but shes been like this for a while now, probably over a year now, but then she will talk about buying a house and all that, and talk about the future. I have asked her before does she even want to bother anymore, and she replied with "if I wanted out of the relationship I would be, I do love you and you mean a lot to me".

I'm going to see how it goes now for the next few weeks, and if things dont change, i'm going to have to sit down with her and tell her straight.

Here father was diagnosed with cancer last year, (not terminal, is treatable and will be ok) so intially I put her attitude down to this, and asked her if shes ok and is this affecting her, and she says no. I always try and ask her if shes ok about everything. Even though he is going to be oright and maybe she doesn't think its affecting her, maybe in the back of her head it is and thats why she is being like she is