Going a bit pear shaped and not sure why .... help needed

[jakeyboyne]

Will try to keep it as brief as possible.

6 months ago I started dating someone, things have gone well, we get on great, enjoy each others company etc. My partner has now decided it's time for him to talk about moving into my place.

I dont think I'm ready for that. In my opinion it just feels too soon, I can give specifics of why I think it is I just dont feel at the right place in the relationship yet to consider living together full time. Although he know's this it feels like sometimes he keeps on pushing the matter. Now we've fallen out and havent spoken for 2 days, while he's gone off to decide "If I can give him what he needs"

I think *some* of the reason for my hesitation is being hurt in a previous relationship of 9 years where we did live together and it ended badly and I got seriously hurt, maybe it's just made me a little cautious the 2nd time round.

While I do love my partner I just dont feel ready and after 6 months it just feels a bit too quick, I just dont know what the hurry is, or indeed why there needs to be a hurry to live together.

Maybe I've just gotton too used to living alone I'm not sure.

While he's away thinking about if I can offer him what he wants, I do know that while I dont want to loose him, I can feel him slipping away. He says he's happy but I think for him it's a all or nothing scenario in terms of if youre in a relationship you should be living together.

Wondered what other peoples thoughts / opinions would be on this?

[Boisdevie]

If you're not ready then that's fine. It's perfectly reasonable and let's face it, six months is not a long time being in a relationship. If he can't handle it then tough titty. If he's going faster than you are comfortable with then it's not going to work. I can see where you're coming from. You have your own place. It if goes tits up then yes it's crap but you won't have to move out of your home and neither will he.

[Cerulean.]

He sounds like a spoiled brat. That if he doesn't get his way, then he'll throw a fit. If this guy truly loved you, he wouldn't be pushing you to move in with him. What's the rush? That's a big red flag to me.

[Cerby]

If you're not ready then that's fine. It's perfectly reasonable and let's face it, six months is not a long time being in a relationship. If he can't handle it then tough titty. If he's going faster than you are comfortable with then it's not going to work. I can see where you're coming from. You have your own place. It if goes tits up then yes it's crap but you won't have to move out of your home and neither will he.

I agree with this. To add to it, the "If you can't give him what you needs" is just a manipulation tactic. It's one of those "If you don't do what I want, you're not the girl for me" things. Do what feels comfortable, I normally consider 12 months to be the minimum timeframe to move in.

[bulrush]

Different people move at different speeds. If you are not ready, that's fine. You have the option to be not ready, he has the option to leave. That's how things work. I hope you two can work things out, but I don't know him. Maybe he can be patient and help you work through your fears?

Really, I could say this about any dating topic: sex, moving in, marriage, kids, buying a house, etc.

[confusiongalore]

YOu need to accept where you are at and be OK with it firstly. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this or make you justify this.
If he respects you and is willing to compromise then he may get what he wants in time but how he deals with this is not your responsibility.

Trust in life and what will happen is for the best and just wait and see.