FWB's or something more ?

[fspidah]

Well I’m a little confused right now. I got involved with this guy about 4 months ago , and we didnt have that *spark* or w/e when we first met so we decided to be just FwB’s . But it seems like he’s not being honest with me. Everyone around us , including his two best friends he’s known for years , says that it’s obvious he has feelings for me , and everyone says we’re dating. We go everywhere together , he pays for everything (I offer , he insists) We go to movies , dinner , just out on the town . We never go anywhere without the other , and as of the last two weeks he’s moved in with me , so now lives with me.(Also on that note , he decided that while he’s living with me he’s not going to see/date other girls that being said though , he hasnt dated or been with any other girls since we started this whole mess ,and we’ve been with each other almost every single day. Before he moved in with me he would visit for weeks on end or vice versa.)
I was under the assumption FwB’s have sex and that’s it. But no we cuddle all the time , kisses , hugs , shower together , everything. And when he’s drunk , he get’s super lovey and calls me his girl , and all that. But whenever someone confronts him about it . He says he doesnt have those feelings but he sure as hell acts like it. I get a hug and a kiss , before he goes to work , and I get eskimo kisses all the time. Everyone around us says we’re dating but he says we’re just friends..he’s very caring about what he says etc. If he upsets me or something he always trys to make it better by leaps and bounds. Never wants to do anything wrong or what not. Not sure if that’s a sign or anything but heh.When he’s drunk , he say’s he cares , and wants more , but he’s scared cause of his past . He’s also said while not drunk , that we’re not Fwb’s we’re something more , but why does it need a label. He also denies any of that stuff about him saying he wants more. Yet he remembers everything else he did while drunk.
Also , at the begining of all this , he said he didnt want to do kisses or anything , that they were to intimate and should be limited to a relationship. But after his friends talking to him two weeks ago , and telling him he was being an idiot , and that they could tell he has feelings. He’s starting giving me way more kisses , and he just seems different, Not a bad different , just different. He doesnt want to talk about it. When I try and ask him why he does things that makes it seem like we’re dating , he kinda shuts down , and gets all broody. He doesnt correct people when they say we’re dating , and he’s even taking me to family events . He told his friend ,that accused him of “It’s obvious you have feelings for her” His response to her was that , he was afraid of commitment because of all his bad relationships . So I dunno. I mean just the other day , we had someone think we we’re married. We had just been joking around with each other etc.
We get the “You guys argue like your married” comment alot , and when we’re perfectly happy just joking around we get the “Are you two married” question alot.We’ve even had people tell us that we have that “Young love glow” I’ve been to family events with him usually stuff you only take your gf too , and now all his friends and family expect me to be with him when he goes for visits . He likes to turn it around on me and say that “I” am the one acting like I want a relationship , and that im making it not casual , even though he’s the one , insisting on cuddling all the time , going out together , eskimo kisses , all that stuff he wants to do. I’m not opposed to the trying a relationship idea because im curious about it , but he’s pretty steadfast in saying ” I dont want to date anyone I dont have those feelings for” But he acts like he does , he spoils me rotten and he’s even told me in his sleep and while drunk that he cares for me , in more then a fwb way , but he just flat oout denies it when I confront him with it. So I dont even know what’s going on at this point. His friends who have been around him for years , say that it’s obvious he has feelings for me , he’s just being an idiot . But anyway , I’m not sure what exactly my question is , but opinions on this mess are welcome ! We are both happy btw . I want to try a relationship because I honestly dont think it would hurt anything and neither does anyone else. I see it as “If it works out cool” if not “cool we can still be besties with benifits” But he doesnt see it that way . He just flat out says it wouldnt work ..even though we get along so well and already act like it ? Anyway , opinions & Advice would be appreciated !

[smackie9]

Just tell him you are looking for more than FWB and if he says no again, then tell him that you can't do this anymore, that you have feelings for him and it wouldn't be fair to stay like this, then tell him he has to pack up his shit and move out. Just see where that takes you....I bet he will finally cave in and admit it. Then you can ask him "Was it really that hard to say so?"

[vashti]

I have a friend who was in pretty much your same position for over a year. She was crazy about him, and he seemed to really care about her too, but in the end, he let her go. If a man says he isn't interested in keeping you, believe him.

[Wakeup]

What? He lives with you yet you have not established exclusivity or defined your relationship in words that you both understand? Grow some girl balllz and tell the dude that you want exclusivity, monogamy and that you hope that he is in agreement with that dynamic. If he isn't? Well, then you best start looking out for your own emotional best interests and DON'T settle for less than what you really, truly want with this man because he will (as Indie says) "shred you" if you settle to be with him without your relationship dynamic defined and agreed to.