Girl Still Spending Time With Her Ex-Boyfriend

[guest2012]

I dated the same girl for about two years continuously. Things were great the first year and into the second year I began to push her away emotionally and didn't reciprocate much of her affection due to some of my own hangups. She ended up moving away and it first it didn't bother me, but after a little time I began to miss what we had and realize that my life was better with her in it.
I made several trips spanning several hundred miles to see her and show her how much I loved her and wanted to really put in an effort. She told me that she lost the feelings she'd previously had for me. We even went to a counseling session to determine if with a little work these feelings and trust could be reestablished. In the end she decided that she didn't want to be with me and couldn't resurrect those feelings. I left after a visit to her hometown last October depressed and devastated and that was the last time we spent any time together.
I still held onto hope of something changing in her heart until January when I realized she was in a new relationship. Even at that point I still hoped that maybe something would change and she'd have a desire to reconnect with me. In April I drove there to pay my respects at her father's memorial service. I saw her and her boyfriend together there and they appeared to be very happy and into one another.
So I came back home and gave up once and for all although I was still mourning the loss of someone so important to me.
A little over two weeks ago I was driving to work and received a text from her number that basically said hello. I texted back and in the exchange she indicated to me that she missed me and had broken up with her boyfriend because there was no chemistry there. We have been texting since then, and we've hinted around about the possibilty of reconnection but I understand that her emotions are all out of whack right now.
It also appears that she's stilll spending time with this guy that she just broke up with. She says that they were never very passionate and they are just friends now. They've gone to two concerts (in which they drive 3 hours each way together) and out for drinks with co-workers in just the last 7 days or so. The tipping point for me was last night when she posted a picture of the two of them together at the concert on Facebook.
I told her I disagree with her still hanging out with him and question why she even contacted me to begin with. She says that he is absolutely no threat and she is barely attracted to him.
She says that I am highly insecure. I may be a jealous person, but I think it is a rational jealousy. This is a guy she was in a relationship with since January and had sex with!
My question is: Is her behavior appropriate given the fresh breakup? and If you were advising me on whether to entertain a possibility of a future with her what would be your recommendation? Is it a waste of time?
Thanks so much for reading and I appreciate any feedback!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Her behavior is really neutral. Is it smart? No.

You have to decide if it's acceptable. To most people, it is not. I think you should tell her to stop contacting you unless she decides she wants a committed relationship. You two have dated in the past, so it's not like you need to get to know each other. Tell her relationship or no contact at all with you.

[Cerby]

My question is: Is her behavior appropriate given the fresh breakup? and If you were advising me on whether to entertain a possibility of a future with her what would be your recommendation? Is it a waste of time?

Complete waste of time, she knows you're there as an emotional crutch, or possibly even a rebound. Her emotions are all knotted up so right now what she wants isn't what she'll want when her head levels out a bit. You're just going to get hurt again.

[fashionbraces]

It's what happens when you date someone you don't have any feelings for. You desire that relationship that gave you passion and a little pain because you feel like that might be the only person you'll ever feel it for.

Right NOW, you have a few options on how you want to deal with it.

If you really want this relationship to start, there is going to be a huge amount of trust to be exchanged because of the distance. Which means you need to explain, and she needs to understand, that this guy is a threat to that trust and you would appreciate her cutting him out of her life if she wants to continue a relationship for you. Right now she's in need of love and attention, that's why she's seeking the face to face from him and the real deep stuff from you. She's not satisfied in either court, so if she actually wants this relationship then you have to make sure she truely understands she's not going to always have that physical contact.

Even typing that feels like this would be a lot of work and sacrifice of pride on your part.

Moving on seems less trying.

Your choice.

[guest2012]

Thank you very much for the responses. I don't think the distance is as big of an issue now since I only live 3 hours away from her and in the past we lived 12 hours away and 5 hours away previous to that. If we felt like there was the possibility of a strong future I'm sure one of us would move to the other since we had made sacrifices like that when things were good a couple years ago. But anyhow, I can't build any sort of trust or confidence up with her as long as she's spending time with this guy who I think still wants to be with her. Thanks again.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you don't already think there is a possibility of a strong future and that you WILL move to be near each other, then you should cut this off now. You honestly should cut this off now anyway, because you seriously sound like a bitch right now.

[guest2012]

Who sounds like a bitch?

[iamaninnocentma]

Who sounds like a bitch?

havnt read the whole thread, but im guessing you.

[guest2012]

Well, I've been called worse things.