GF studying abroad... HELP! (Long Post Beware!)

[gmazz06]

Hello everyone!

This is my first post and I must admit I have purchased gift ideas from this site before but never felt the need to post for advice until now. My girlfriend (Rachael) and I have been dating for approximately 5 months now and she will be leaving to study abroad in Milan, Italy on Sept. 3 and won't return until Dec. 15. I must admit the idea of distance is growing on me especially considering the time difference between us will make it very unlikely that we get to talk to each other outside of our early mornings or late in the evening. Not to mention the international phone she will have overseas does not include text messaging and she plans to use her precious minutes in order to call family members while keeping in contact with myself and her friends via social networks and skype.

I plan to be available as much as I can for her considering she is experiencing her favorite country for the first time where as I am experiencing typical American college life in a place I've already lived in for a year now. At the same time I can't just devote all my free time to catering to her schedule and needs. I know their will be times where she wants to talk but i may need to focus on my experiences with my friends and may not be available all the time. I want to WANT, to talk to her when the time comes, I don't want to feel obligated to.

Aside from that I must admit we have had a rocky road up to this point and I am nervous of the distance deteriorating our connection. A few months ago she broke up with me after hiding a past sexual encounter I had with a girl (Jess) that we both knew, but at the time of the encounter Rachael and I were nothing more than friends and occasional sexual partners. Rachael confronted me the day after she witnessed me and Jess kissing in public and she asked had I ever had sex with her. I lied which I shouldn't have done and after that day I cut off communication with Jess. Unfortunately a few months after this occasion we were talking about that night (at this point I was dating Rachael for about 3 months) and I decided she needed to know the truth so I bluntly admitted to having sex with this girl. She broke up with me in the moment as she was so torn about how I could hide this from her that she left town for 2 nights. I felt I was never obligated to tell Rachael the truth but nonetheless I should of seeing how I hadn't cheated on her or anything since we weren't dating, so telling her the truth the first time would of carried no guilt but I admit I didn't tell her the truth because I didn't want to risk losing Rachael. She occasionally still brings back memories of seeing me with Jess and it affects our relationship to this day but I am patient with Rachael and I never try to avoid the talks she brings up. Unfortunately though, the story does not end there...

So the night I told Rachael the truth and she broke up with me and left town, I felt that she handled the situation irrationally and both my friends as well as her friends seemed to be on my side but admitted I shouldn't have lied but that I never should of had to tell Rachael what had happened in the first place and that me lying to her was only to protect her feelings. This is where I royally screw up. That day I told Rachael that I wasn't going to be in a relationship where we are on and off after every fight and that if we were going to fix this we were going to do it together as a couple. I felt so strongly about this in the moment I truly did. Sadly though, after she agreed to stay together, I went out with some friends and they influenced me to believe we weren't right for each other and that I was becoming distant from my friends as well as a changed man in the process. I regrettably agreed that I need to end it but didn't know how to after I had literally told her an hour ago that I wanted to work this out. That evening I went out with a different group of friends and after losing sight of what I wanted, I kissed a close friend of mine. We live in the same building so when we went home that night she came over and we spent hours hanging out and quite a while kissing. I felt guilty the entire time and even found it hard to be attracted to this girl in the moment because I couldn't stop thinking of how wrong I was for being unfaithful in the moment. The worst part is that instead of coming clean, I shored up all the borders and got everyone who witnessed to keep it a secret. I was unsuccessful as someone who had seen us that night told Rachael about a month after all this had happened. I admitted to what I did and we've had a very shaky journey since that day. She struggles daily to believe I care about her as well as struggles to find any way of ever trusting me again.

Since this day I have literally undergone some kind of transformation. I am so much more passionate about my relationship with Rachael. I want it more now than I ever have before. I want a future with her. A family with her. I want to experience life hand in hand. The hard part is helping Rachael see this. She always says how i've let her down with lies before so she struggles to believe anything I say and that only actions and time will bring us back to peace. I write letters and do cute things constantly. I write down everything we talk about in a journal so I never forget. My problem and reason behind writing this huge detailed outline of our relationship is that I am searching for help in reassuring Rachael that I am truly committed and dedicated to "us" as well as I am hoping to get any ideas for things to give her or do with her whether it be during the summer where I can go see her or after she has left for Italy.

I have a surprise send-off party for her coming up in late August that will be Italian themed but I really want to give her specific things that she can bring to Italy so she can remind herself I care wholeheartedly. I was also hoping for ideas that could help her enjoy her experience in Italy even more. Like a map with all the best places to eat/travel. Any ideas/gifts Italian related or just simply cute ideas/gifts I can do for her are truly appreciated! I must also thank you from the bottom of my heart for even reading this post to the end!

I have researched LDR's and am preparing myself for what to expect but she unfortunately prefers the natural way of doing things and doesnt plan to prep herself for what she may experience as a result of being so far away and unable to talk much. I am worrisome that her mentality of our relationship up to this point will only help her in feeling the distance between us and it may cause a divide and ultimately a breakup. Please if you have any suggestions or knowledge that could prove beneficial, do not hesitate to respond! Thank you again I really am grateful for all and any help I can get! I can not lose this girl twice!

-Garrett

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Break up before she leaves. She is going to **** other guys while she is abroad. Don't do this to yourself. You're going to be waiting by the phone all day hoping she calls, and those calls won't be coming in. Break up with her and tell her to give you a call when she gets back. Do not keep any contact with her while she is gone. End it on your terms without the drama. Good luck you poor sap, I know you won't listen.

[gmazz06]

I wonder if you have any experience in your past that makes you assume she will be unfaithful. This girl is different. She was raised catholic in a pretty strict and traditional household. Shes an excellent student and has never gotten into trouble. She doesnt do things that will get her into trouble. Shes never been cheated on before me and never cheated on anybodybelse. Shes had sex with 5 guys including me and 4 of us were boyfriends. I know its easy to assume the worst but until she gives me reason to worry, I just cant bring myself to breaking it off especially after she gave me a second chance prior to even knowing she was going to Italy. I even asked her to revenge cheat on me but she said she feels like she should so i can feel what she is feeling but that she could never bring herself to do it. Could she perhaps fall in love while shes there? Of course but its not guaranteed so why throw everything away based on chance? Not to mention she rarely lies and when she does i can tell plus its always about minor things and she never lies about guys or her plans that day or whatever. She always asks me if im ok with her going out when their r guys involved and even though i never tell her she cant go/do something, if she picks up that it upsets me than she wont go and i have to beg her to go despite how i feel about it.

[smackie9]

Oh for heaven sakes just let her go. You only want her when you feel her slipping away. This relationship is too tainted with bad feelings to continue. The only reason you fight for this is because you can't stand the thought of her boinking other guys. Well that's just selfish of you. This is the experience of a life time for her, and you want to ruin it for her with your jealousy. Time to look at the big picture here. You big fat ego is dictating all this and it has to stop. Just frickin let her have a good time. From what you have posted you don't want to put in 100% into this relationship anyways so what the hell are you fighting for? To be fair just end it.

[smackie9]

, I know you won't listen.

Ya I agree

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I only ask that you keep us updated so I get the satisfaction of telling you, "I told you so."

This girl is not different. That type of thinking is going to sink you before you leave the dock. Keep us updated please.

[gmazz06]

Ill do my best to keep you updated lol. Had I just posted that i was looking for suggestions for gifts and things to do with her than I would of left out the details. Im not asking for anyones opinion on whether we are going to work out or not. Im looking to help her enjoy her experience however she feels fit. Whatever she does over there is her business and whatever she feels comfortable in telling me is up to her. I am trying to encourage her to experience as much as she can. Im aware that she may face temptation from other guys and im willing to wait til the day comes that she tells me she did something wrong but im truly optimistic this girl has no intention of letting me down. If it happens it wouldnt have been planned and thats good enough for me to keep us going while shes abroad. i think you both missed the point of what i posted. I gave you as much background as i could in order for people to give me the best ideas based on the current status of my relationship. It wouldnt matter if Rachael herself came on this forum and told me to break it off i still would fight for her. i appreciate your honest opinions and im not looking to argue them. I know what i believe in and all i can ask if that unless you have any ideas that could help me make her trip memorable while we stay together, than just keep it to yourself or post it i dont care but it has no influence.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You want a gift idea to help her enjoy her trip more?

Get her a box of, "her pleasure" condoms. It'll help you out too.

[smackie9]

Ya so she can trip over the doormat that you are.