What now? I'm lost, I need some advice.

[henrycom]

A little bit of introduction about myself:

4 years plus ago I started a relationship with this girl and only lasted about 2 years. She was my first girlfriend and I was the one who keeps on putting in effort but not being appreciated in the end. She's 18 months older than me and she kept on using this as her weapon whenever we're fighting. In the end, we both didn't really have an official break up and mutually agreed to give both of us space and time to calm down or reconsider about our relationship. She moved on and became her client's girlfriend very soon and I'm still single until today. For these years, I'd been thinking whether I'm starting to lose interested on girls or I simply just cannot forget about her.

Ever since I broke up with her, I was very foolish. I basically ruin my own life by failing my professional course final exam, cut off my social ties with all my friends. I went to work without finishing my professional qualification, so I can only rely on my Degree to secure a below market average pays job. When I work, I always isolate myself and fully dedicated all my time into my work till the extend of I rarely talk with my family members even. Eventually, I had arguements with my brother and until today we're not reconciled yet.

My friends tried to introduce girls to me (doesn't matter whether they are joking or seriously helping me to move on), but I always respond not interested by giving the same excuse - I still love my first girlfriend. Even though I keep on having that sentence out of my mouth, I think I actually pretty much moved on deep inside my heart (as in, no longer hoping to be with my first girlfriend again).

Fast forward to recent:

After 2 suffering gloomy years, I decided to return to college and finish up my professional course this year. I tried to make new friends in college but apparently I don't really feel comfortable when I'm obviously older than most of the course mate. It's so awkward to step in the same lecturer hall, facing the same lecturer but this time the whole lecture hall has no familiar faces at all. The new friends I made suggested me to return the house key of my ex girl friend in order to complete forget her, which I actually did what they told me to.

About 2 weeks ago, I met this girl who is 6 years younger than me (yeah... I'm 24 now and she's just 18 years old) on a local forum. My original intention was to make friends around and never thought of getting a new girlfriend. I eventually started to talk with her on smartphone social apps and Skype. Last week, I somehow made her angry by comparing her with my first girlfriend (that time I really didn't know she feels offended) and I literally had a sleepless night that day. For the whole night, I'd been thinking on why do I care so much over a newly met friends and the conclusion I had was I'd already fall in love with her without noticing.

The next day she forgave me and we go on to chat as usual. We both share some similar past experience of having a relationship that the another party doesn't appreciate our love. She broke up with her ex like around early this month (I'm just guessing, never really ask her when). Few days after that sleepless night forementioned, I made a mistake by confessing to her in smartphone networking app by asking her whether she's willing to repair this 2 broken hearts together or not. She didn't reject me directly and just reply me a vague general answer "maybe".

So now I think I'm pretty much friendzoned? But I somehow feels that she's giving me chance to prove myself or what. We continue to chat everyday as usual and she will always be the one who greet me good morning everyday. I tried to ask she out, but she said that she don't want to hang out with me until my exam is over (I have my professional course exam mid June). I seriously don't know what to do now, I feel like I will eventually being left out by her. Even since that confession, she doesn't really like me to send her flirty message anymore. This makes me even frustrated because I don't know how to keep up with post-confession plan.

*Update*

Days later, somehow we started to chat back again even though I decided to let her go, move on my life... I don't know whether I'm interpreting her hints correctly, she's like keep on ask me to get on skype and video chat with me and pretend nothing happened (confession incident). She texts me every morning to greet me and flirt with me on and off, comforts me when I feel sad and she's kinda hinting me to saying something (I don't know, it's like asking me to re-confess again?). She will persistently call me up whenever she's free, like every break she has between classes and after school.

I don't know whether I should try to pick up the courage to confess again or what. I did attempt to ask her out on the friday after my exam next week, she said she can't make it but she tells me that the next friday will do. She makes me feel like I'm having higher priority than other guys right now somehow, maybe through how she insist to continue skyping with me and ignores other guys, sending me her current picture daily, initiates a lot of topic to chat whenever she calls me, plays her hair in front of camera and smile for no reason while skyping with me and so on.

So... is she trying to hint that I should put in more effort?

[Skyeroads]

Just straight up tell her that you two need a DTR (define the relationship) talk. Just bring everything out into the open. Tell her hoe you feel about her and that your first love was hard for you. If she doesn't understand then maybe she's just not the girl for you

[Skyeroads]

How not hoe so sorry!!

[henrycom]

Thanks Skyeroads, I did talk to her and she told me that her ex is actually trying to get her back. She said she don't want to make any decision right now and sort of hinting me to give her some time. Tomorrow is my exam and she take the first move to ask me whether I want her to accompany me a not. The whole conversation between me and her, I was like very stupid by saying that "perhaps I should just step back and not compete with your ex" and such. She on the another hand, somewhat encourage me and keep on stressing that I should not look down at myself. I wonder whether this is a good sign from her to hint me persue her harder?

Thanks for your post.

Umm, thanks for my post? /confuse