Should I Take The Jump Or Should I Play It Safe?

[LittleOne]

So I was hoping I would be able to get some advice on my current relationship problem, any advice would be appreciated.

So Im falling in love with one of my guys friends, and I don't know what to do. Basically I've never cared about anyone as much as I do him, ever. This type of love is different from past ones, it's much deeper. More of a feeling of deep affection and care, protectiveness, and you can tell it's mutual. My best friend has noticed how we act around each other and its almost like a push and pull. When one of us has something on our mind, or is unhappy or hurt it affects the other.This may also be due to the fact that we have hung out almost every day without fail for the last few months. But idk, its still a new feeling, one I've never felt before...

But anyways on to the question. I am growing more and more in love with him each day, and I want to know if there is a chance that we may be able to work ourselves into a relationship. Currently my (soon to be ex)boyfriend is moving out of my house, and the guy I like has a new girlfriend, who he met while I was on vacation 2wks ago.

Even though he has a girlfriend now he is still super friendly with me, picks me up and carries me, will mess with my hair, always asks if i need anything, will make me plates of food, we'll eat off each others plates, etc. We just do that, it's a back and forth thing. And I would like to add in that it's not like i've known him for ages, we just became extremely close in the last couple months.

I've also noticed he doesn't like it when me, his girlfriend, and my best friend all hang out for girl time, he always comes over to join us. Or if I want to drive to the store and ask his girlfriend if she wants to come he'll tell me he will take me. Dont know if I'm over thinking that one.. but thought it was worth mentioning.

So my biggest problem is what to do. I don't want to tell him how I feel because just being a part of his life means the world to me. I wouldn't want to jeapordize our friendship just to know... although on the other hand if a relationship were to come of it it would be well worth it.

So theres the dilema, how should I approach this?

[Wakeup]

Seems rather "convenient" that you find yourself falling in love with him now that you are out of a relationship. I suspect the fact that he's with someone new is threatening you and the thought of being alone is affecting your logical self.

He is super friendly with you because he has always been super friendly with his friend I think he doesn't want you hanging too much with his new girlfriend because he's thinking you'll be discussing him since you likely know a lot about him and his inner thoughts that he's told you in private. Maybe he doesn't trust you with those secrets?

He had a chance to be romantically linked to you when you (more than likely) spilled your guts to him about how awful your now ex boyfriend is/has been but he didn't take you up on that so my suggestion is that you leave him alone to his new girlfriend and you take the time to get over your failed relationship before confessing feelings that are based on rebounding and fear of losing.

That's my advice. I well know that you will do what ever angst and fear drives you. You're only human afterall but at least I trust I've given you something to think of that is the exact opposite (likely) then what you wanted to hear.

Bottomline: Stop a while and learn to be happy as a single. Once you're happy alone, you'll be open to picking the right guy for you. It may or may not be your 'friend' but at least don't go in rebounding and while you're feeling desperate.

[LittleOne]

You misunderstood in your first sentance. I've been hanging out with him for months now, and the feelings started within a week or so of knowing him. The more we had in common drew us closer together, and continues even now. He has been single the whole time up until I left on vacation 2 weeks ago, and I had been in a relationship. Things went from bad to worse in mine and we both decided it was time to move on(me and my boyfriend).

I actually am happy that he is with his new girl, she is fun, nice, and takes care of him. I can see he likes her alot and I am completely happy for them. Even to the point that I will be cutting back on the time I spend with the two of them so that there relationship has a chance. On the flip side I also feel responsible for watching to make sure she doesnt hurt him, and to fix any problems before they get out of hand. I know it sounds irrational, but he asks me to help so I do.

And I don't ever spill our guts.. lol I grew up around guys my whole life, never really had more than a handful of girls that were my friends. More towards you don't spill your guts, don't cry, don't show weakness, you need to be the one to take care of yourself and those around you etc.

He definately trusts me and asks me to talk to her or see whats wrong etc. I guess I'm now more confused about what to do. I was his friend first, for a while actually, and every day after work i have a text or call: What are you up to? You coming over? Hey we were gunna do this. He hangs out with me all the time, and his girlfriend told me that one of his biggest worries at the moment is now that his best friend left til next year, my ex is moving away hes afraid that our group wont stay together and it will just be him and his girlfriend. I don't want him to feel like that is happening either.

Why is this so confusing? Is it just because I'm too close to the situation?

[Wakeup]

You misunderstood in your first sentance.

I don't think so.

I've been hanging out with him for months now, and the feelings started within a week or so of knowing him.

Yet you were already in a relationship? No wonder it's dead now.

The more we had in common drew us closer together, and continues even now. He has been single the whole time up until I left on vacation 2 weeks ago,

yea right after you're free he becomes romantically involved with someone else. I think if he wanted to be with you, when he knew you were soon going to be single, he would have waited and then asked you out. No?

I actually am happy that he is with his new girl,

I think if that were actually true, you'd not be even thinking about telling him your feelings because you'd not want to disrupt his relationship in that way.

she is fun, nice, and takes care of him. I can see he likes her alot and I am completely happy for them.

then keep your crush to yourself and distance yourself a bit until you are feeling more platonic and neutral to him.

Even to the point that I will be cutting back on the time I spend with the two of them so that there relationship has a chance.

Good plan. I agree with it.

On the flip side I also feel responsible for watching to make sure she doesnt hurt him, and to fix any problems before they get out of hand.

sorry but who the fk do you think you are? He's a big boy and you have no authority to be making sure of anything. Stay out of other peoples romantic lives unless they come to you and ask you to help or listen. Cut back on your time and while you're doing that let go of your possesiveness.

I know it sounds irrational, but he asks me to help so I do.

Just how does he ask you to help?

This is yet another example of platonic friends who cause problems and mixed up emotions in a primary relationship. If you have any decency you will avoid this one on one stuff with your "plantonic" friend and let him alone to dicide on his own if the girl he is now with is meant to be his life partner or not.

And I don't ever spill our guts.. lol I grew up around guys my whole life, never really had more than a handful of girls that were my friends. More towards you don't spill your guts, don't cry, don't show weakness, you need to be the one to take care of yourself and those around you etc.

you are not expecting us to believe that you never discussed your breaking down relationship with this guy? Please!

He definately trusts me and asks me to talk to her or see whats wrong etc.

Stay out of their business. Tell him to work out his own problems and quit with the interferring. Him wanting advice and him asking you to talk to hir for him are two different things. You actually doing it is you being overly involved.

I guess I'm now more confused about what to do. I was his friend first, for a while actually, and every day after work i have a text or call: What are you up to? You coming over? Hey we were gunna do this. He hangs out with me all the time, and his girlfriend told me that one of his biggest worries at the moment is now that his best friend left til next year, my ex is moving away hes afraid that our group wont stay together and it will just be him and his girlfriend. I don't want him to feel like that is happening either.

lmao.

Why is this so confusing? Is it just because I'm too close to the situation?

It's confusing because you cross very fundamental relationship boundaries and he does the same thing and you wonder why it's confusing. You're doing things with him that his girlfriend should be doing with him. You need to back off. He needs to find a male best friend who he won't get boundaries crossed with.

I'll give you a bit of advise. When you back off and become more emotionally neutral to your 'friend' you'll be open to finding a guy that is more suited to you then the last one was. When that happens. Do you and your new guy a favour and quit with the boundary crossing activities with your male friend or you'll find your new relationship is toast soon enough as well.

Not meaning to sound harsh but we read a story like yours everyday in here and I'm tired of this opposite sex friendship stuff that 9 times out of 10 turns out where one of you is interloping in on the relationship of the so called BFF because they have hidden feelings for him/her.

Good luck with your emotional withdrawl from this guy.