God Help Me...am I a Pedophile??!

[MayNeedHelp]

Serious answers only please!

I'm not sure what this means, if anything, but I know most girls my age (17 at current) are attracted to older guys. Well, I'm attracted to younger guys. And by younger I mean 10-12, but never any younger than that.

Now I've never actually dated or done anything with a boy that age because I know that would be extremely illegal and wrong, but I still think about it. Most recently (last week) I had to go to this summer camp thing with my little sister and since they accepted kids thru age 18, my mom made me go. I ended up glad I went because there was this VERY cute boy and I really liked him a LOT...however, he was 12 years old. I thought about him literally the whole time I was there and talked to him whenever I could but nothing beyond that of course.

I've asked my BFF (best friend) what she thought about it and she kind of brushed it off like I thought he was just cute in an adorable kid way but it wasn't like that. It's never like that...it always feels more like a crush. And I'm never attracted to boys my own age or older. And it never feels like I'm falling in love when I think little girls are cute...actually, I never really even think little girls are cute. It's only little boys I think of that way.

I've really only had one boyfriend last year and he was barely 13 (I was 16 at the time). We only broke up because I moved when my dad switched jobs.

I really don't know why but I'm just never attracted to boys my own age. It gets really stressful because I can't find anyone who I can legally date.

I'm not trying to be creepy or anything but I really can't help who I'm attracted to...if I could, I'd choose to be normal and not have this problem, but I do.

I really don't know what to do. I mean since I'm not even an adult yet I dunno if it would be technically illegal for me to date someone that young but next year I'm sure it will be.

And besides that, all the fantasies I have are really screwed up. I guess I'm just at that age where hormones are super-active but when my friends describe fantasies they have about their crushes, they at least sound halfway normal and I'm always embarrased to share mine because they're so inappropriate. We were playing some stupid game and I really couldn't tell them who I'd lost my cherry to because they'd be disgusted (but that's a whole different story right there). And when guys who are into me ask me what kind of guy I like, I'm kinda stuck because I don't want them to think I'm a freak.

I mean any advice is really appreciated...I don't want to be a sexual deviant for the rest of my life.

[ablindman]

He's 12, which is illegal. Adorable can be found else where, im not sure a kid that still watchs sponge bob and karate kicks randomly is going to be very mature.

[MayNeedHelp]

Yeah I was sure it's illegal, that's why I'm not actually trying to be with anyone that young.

[MayNeedHelp]

And he was actually really into Yugioh...I swear I played about 50 rounds of yugioh cards because he kept making me play them, lol.

[vashti]

Yes, I think you need help. Please get some.

[oldskool83]

your 16 dont even worry about dating.

[Aliopa]

I agree, perhaps you should get some therapeutic help. I say this in a respectful way, because you do not control what you feel... But that's not normal. When I was 17, a boy of 12 was like a child to me. Or you could wait until you get a bit older, and if that tendency continues, then definitely get some help. But don’t feel ashamed, or beat yourself up over that – it’s not your fault.