doubts at one year

[marzipan.banana]

I (27) have been with my boyfriend (31) for one year, living together for six months. I thought the last year was perfect. We had exactly two arguments--which we resolved well--and we've never "fought". He seemed ecstatically happy, mostly.

But after each of those two arguments, he said that half the time he's really excited and happy to be with me; the other half of the time he's just comfortable; and then there are a handful of days that he wondered if he'd be happier single. He's concerned that he might not be as happy as he could be, but he's afraid he might be making a huge mistake if he moves out.

I don't think he has enough relationship experience to know what he wants. He's never lived with somebody before, and I don't think he can recognize a good thing. (I, however, had a prior 5-year relationship that was horrible.) He admits this is possible.

What do we do? I know we moved in too fast... Should I tell him to take a break for a few days and stay with his family? Are his doubts normal? Is our relationship not as good as I think it is?

[smackie9]

He is experiencing the end of the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Once the obsessive "I'm in love" starts to wear off you see what you truly have and if you don't have enough in common, then the relationship will start to falter, and finally end. He is at that point, where if something doesn't change, he's gonna want out. What you two did wrong in move in together after 6 months. You should wait till about a year or a year and a half, that is when things die down enough so that you can see where you want to go with it. At the beginning of a relationship everyone talks about marriage and kids blah blah blah...but it's just talk in the moment.....and the wrong time to be planning that far into the future. You two are spending too much time together, when you both should be living independant from one another and have your own life outside the relationship.....this is what keeps things fresh, and you gradually develop as a couple. Now it's a do or die situation you are finding yourself in. Separating is stupid, that will not work. You both need to spend less time together and go do your own thing, take on new interests, hobbies and make new friends, but also introduce new things you both can do together as well. Sitting around on the couch watching movies and crap will kill any relationship, and I have a feeling this is what is going on now. So don't move out, just spend less time together, and get into some new and exciting things.

[JBELL]

maybe he does need to move out just so that he can miss you and really appreciate what a good thing you have, his 31 relationship experience or not he should be mature enough to know how he feels about you!!

are you happy? that can't be a nice thing to hear your bf say he wonders if he would be happier single!