Blank Check?

[decaffeinated]

My girlfriend and I have decided not to have sex until we're married. (If we ever get married.) However, she told me I could do whatever I like, as long as she doesn't get pregnant. A number of interesting possibilities spring to mind, but she's a sheltered conservative, and I used to moderate a hentai forum, so "whatever I like" has to be parsed in context.

I asked her to be more specific, but she just said I could figure out what she enjoyed on my own. Thing is, I don't want her to think I'm a pervert. ... OK, so she already knows that, but I don't want to keep reminding her. More importantly, I don't want her to think I'm just trying to feel her up. I really, really love this girl, and I want her to enjoy it as much as I do.

So, I guess what I'm hoping for are any suggestions on exploring the boundaries without frightening the hell out of her. My strategy so far has been to pay attention to all of the easily accessible erogenous zones (ears, neck, finger tips, small of her back), but I wouldn't mind branching out to something more intimate. Any ideas to make her squeal in pleasure without making her scream in terror?

P.S. We've already had the "stop me if you're uncomfortable" talk, but by the time she has to do that, the moment's ruined.

[cycletease]

Your post reminds me of this article:

[url]http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/news/archive/2005/03/18/national/a115514S47.DTL[/url]

[decaffeinated]

Hmm... abstainence leads to other forms of non-intercourse sexual activity.

...

Well, that's the plan, yes.

[HastaSiempre]

Jam it into her ass as hard as you can.

[Dymondgirl]

Im confused here..you guys had decided not to have sex until your married. Then she said you can do what ever you want but she can't get pregnent..thats an odd statement. Second she wants you to figure out how far you can go with her? You guys need some serious communication therapy from what im reading here. She needs to talk to you about what's ok. Im getting the vibe she doesn't even know, or doesn't want to scare you off in the sex department. You could be having sex with her thinking everything is ok and all of a sudden bam it's over. That could really make a person confused and unsure about the situation. You NEED to talk about this with her!

[decaffeinated]

Im confused here..you guys had decided not to have sex until your married. Then she said you can do what ever you want but she can't get pregnent..thats an odd statement. Second she wants you to figure out how far you can go with her? You guys need some serious communication therapy from what im reading here. She needs to talk to you about what's ok. Im getting the vibe she doesn't even know, or doesn't want to scare you off in the sex department. You could be having sex with her thinking everything is ok and all of a sudden bam it's over. That could really make a person confused and unsure about the situation. You NEED to talk about this with her!

THANK YOU! You are definitely right, and I'm surprised I didn't notice this earlier.

Any advice on how to ease a relatively conservative girl into a frank conversation about sex? That doesn't involve alcohol?

[Dymondgirl]

haha..well this is tricky because if your the one holding back during sex she might want more, but then again maybe not. Two ways to do this...either sit down and discuss what your limits are going to be a stick to it, or each time you have sex set your boundary. Sex is a very important issue and should be discussed just like anything else. Tell her you need to discuss this part of your relationship! Being conservative and sexually active shouldn't mean talking about it is taboo. Sex and talk go hand in hand. it's the only way to make it better..lol

[DarkTravesty]

My girlfriend and I have decided not to have sex until we're married. (If we ever get married.)

My first question is...have you yourself every had sex before? I'm guessing she is a virgin however. Why did you two decide to wait until marriage, was it her idea alone that you agreed upon, or was it a long discussion as to why you should wait?

My last girlfriend said the same thing to me, and I agreed to wait, but in reality I really couldn't...we used to do everything just shy of sex...until one day...oops I guess she pulled me in...oh and yes she was a virgin btw.

I think sex should come naturally I guess is all I'm saying.

[decaffeinated]

Meh. Yes, I'm a 21 year old virgin. According to my television, I have apparently failed at life and will never be popular. Hurra!

Anyway, with regard to the no sex before marriage deal, I'm ambivalent. I can't say I wouldn't *like* to share that with her, but given that she's the one with more to lose in the deal, I love her enough to live without it for a few years.

The biggest problem is she also made me give up porn, so no porn + no sex = one very frustrated penguin. Oh well. I'll survive. Contrary to prevailing theory, I don't think sex is a show-stopper for a relationship. I read a lot of threads about people who are talking about breaking up because the sex isn't great. WTF? If you really love the person, stay with them and masturbate. Christ, sex loses its appeal after a couple years anyway. You wa.... dammit, I'm rambling. Anyway, that's my take on it. FWIW.

[BombShelterBob]

OK First sex doesn't loose its appeal. The equipment may stop working, but as long as girls wiggle a$$es men will love them. I think its admirable that you want to wait till marriage, or I guess she wants to wait. If you wanted to wait you wouldn't have asked how to advance things without scaring her. If she wants you to go farther you'll know, because she will let you. Don't get too pushy, but let her know you want to go farther. Things like this usually work themselves out.

[decaffeinated]

OK First sex doesn't loose its appeal. The equipment may stop working, but as long as girls wiggle a$$es men will love them.

I'm more of a leg guy myself.

I feel I should clear something up. I'm not trying to con her into having sex. I've already accepted that it's not going to happen, barring a major change of heart on her part. I'm fine with that. I agreed to it, and I can live with it.

What I'm looking for are subtle ways to excite her, without being overtly sexual. Granted, any kind of intimate physical contact is arousing, but I'm looking for things like brushing her hair, giving her a backrub, etc. Things that she'll find pleasurable, but which don't naturally lead into a sexual encounter. Not because I can't control myself, but because I'd prefer to avoid the awkwardness of it. Hopefully that clears things up.

Anyway, BombShelterBob is right. As we get to know each other better, the limits of the physical relationship will beging to come into focus. Thanks for the input.