Tough Situation

[toknow]

I hate to say this, but I think you've opened pandora's box. And if you don't try meeting the other guy now, you will eventually do it anyway and hurt your boyfriend much worse.

[PiNK_DiAM0ND]

So would you say I should take a chance and meet him just once or say screw it and move on without this online guy?

[toknow]

I really can't make this decision for you, it would be a heavy burden. You can listen to our advice, but ultimately I would like you to make 100% your decision. I don't want to influence your decision because you'll be the one suffering the consequences.

Would you still keep talking to the guy if you told him you can't meet him?

So give me the list of the two guys. Their qualities.

[PiNK_DiAM0ND]

I might. Mostly when we talk it's actually a casual conversation about how things are going for both of us and just life. He doesn't put a lot of pressure on me about meeting either.

[toknow]

If you still talk to him, the chances are much higher that eventually you will meet him.

So...the list

[PiNK_DiAM0ND]

My bf

Pros
I've always been able to be myself 100% and I feel comfortable around him.
One of the most loving and caring guys I've ever met.
He recently got a great job and is making decent money so he can afford to move and wants me to move in with him.
He's an all around good person.
He's great with kids and I want kids one day.
He's attractive.
We can joke around about anything.
He's funny.
He can be a really sweet guy.
He knows some personal secrets about me and still accepts me.
Been together for 4.5 years

Cons
We had a big issue and fought a lot about my weight in the past because he wasn't happy about it. I stuck it out and lost 20 pounds. I must say I am much happier with my appearance since he pushed me to lose the weight.
He talks a lot in front of me about hot girls even though he knows it upsets me.
His dad isn't the nicest person.
He says he 'collects' porn cause it's just something he does lol but he knows I hate it and won't delete it.
He's not religious.


Mr. Online

Pros
He's attractive.
He says he loves me for me and wouldn't try to change me..even though he's never met me.
He recently graduated college and now has a good paying job.
He's really nice and sweet.
He's funny.
Known each other for almost 9 years.

Cons
I've never actually met him.
He's not religious.
He doesn't know some of the personal secrets my bf know and accepts.

I realize that some of these might sound a little lame but it's what I've come up with. My bf and I do fight sometimes but who doesn't? We still end up eventually getting over it and moving on. I'd say we still have a pretty good relationship. There aren't as many pros for the online guy because I've never met him.

[toknow]

Cons:
"His dad isn't the nicest person."

That's just hilarious...lol

Who is the better looking?
I know people say it doesn't matter, but it does.

Your boyfriend sounds worse than I expected.

[D e L]

I stand by the advice I gave earlier, and cant say too much different...

As for the list, keep in mind with Mr. Online you get to see the best qualities and as great as he may seem, actually being around each other in person is much different. Very much like when you take a relationship to the step where you move in together. I am not saying he isnt all of these things... he very well may be. But you have never been in a relationship with him and people are much different once they become comfortable. Your current bf has seemed to have proved that, and I cant tell you how important it is to be able to be 100% comfortable around someone.

On the other hand, It does sound like you bf has some issues that need to be addressed that could make your relationship better. If he supported you to lose weight, thats one thing... pushing is another. You may have been happy with the result, but the way in which he went about it is not correct. Furthermore, talking about something that bothers you knowing it does so is pretty disrespectful. Now that makes it sound pretty bad but we all disrespect people at some point, whats really important is that it needs to be addressed and you need him to express that it hurts you (i am sure you have done this, but really get his attention). I am sure deep down if you are forward with him, he doesnt really want to anything that hurts your feelings. As for the collecting porn... I am sorry girl, everyone has porn. Now maybe not some crazy 40 GB collection or anything, but just about everyone one has some form of it. You may have to give ground here and accept that its human (unless its really messed up stuff). If you dont feel comfortable watching it with him, explain that it bothers you and that you dont want it around you. Asking him to delete it will only cause undo tension and drive him to hide it from you... and you certainly dont want that.

As for fighting... yes, everyone fights. A very healthy thing that I see about the two of you is that you all move on and reconcile. You would be surprised (or not) how many people harbor grudges and drive themselves to fighting all the time.

[PiNK_DiAM0ND]

Cons:
"His dad isn't the nicest person."

That's just hilarious...lol

Who is the better looking?
I know people say it doesn't matter, but it does.

Your boyfriend sounds worse than I expected.

Lol seriously, his dad puts a lot of stress on our relationship. I don't think my bf is a bad person. There's a couple of things he does that bothers me but I love through it because I love my bf and at the end of the day we're still happy together.

I stand by the advice I gave earlier, and cant say too much different...

As for the list, keep in mind with Mr. Online you get to see the best qualities and as great as he may seem, actually being around each other in person is much different. Very much like when you take a relationship to the step where you move in together. I am not saying he isnt all of these things... he very well may be. But you have never been in a relationship with him and people are much different once they become comfortable. Your current bf has seemed to have proved that, and I cant tell you how important it is to be able to be 100% comfortable around someone.

On the other hand, It does sound like you bf has some issues that need to be addressed that could make your relationship better. If he supported you to lose weight, thats one thing... pushing is another. You may have been happy with the result, but the way in which he went about it is not correct. Furthermore, talking about something that bothers you knowing it does so is pretty disrespectful. Now that makes it sound pretty bad but we all disrespect people at some point, whats really important is that it needs to be addressed and you need him to express that it hurts you (i am sure you have done this, but really get his attention). I am sure deep down if you are forward with him, he doesnt really want to anything that hurts your feelings. As for the collecting porn... I am sorry girl, everyone has porn. Now maybe not some crazy 40 GB collection or anything, but just about everyone one has some form of it. You may have to give ground here and accept that its human (unless its really messed up stuff). If you dont feel comfortable watching it with him, explain that it bothers you and that you dont want it around you. Asking him to delete it will only cause undo tension and drive him to hide it from you... and you certainly dont want that.

As for fighting... yes, everyone fights. A very healthy thing that I see about the two of you is that you all move on and reconcile. You would be surprised (or not) how many people harbor grudges and drive themselves to fighting all the time.

He says he rarely watches it and just keeps it stored on his computer because he spent a lot of time and once even some money to get it all. He was very proud and supportive after I lost weight but in the beginning it was a big issue. I feel like that issue has really died down though because I continue to work on my diet and he's proud of me for that.

[PiNK_DiAM0ND]

Well the online guy recently got upset with me because he didn't think he was my number one priority or ever would be. I told him my bf was right now because I love him and he's the one I'm with right now. I've started talking to the online guy less and less because he got so upset and it started to get annoying and stressfull and I couldn't deal with it.

[searock]

I think the online guy would be hurt if I ended things with him but not as much as my bf would be if I ended things with him.

It's not about who would be hurt more. It's about what *you* feel.

It seems like things are going in the best of ways though, online guy is clearly a bit crazy to actually believe that *he* would be your number 1 priority, especially when he knows you have a bf. I'm glad you are seeing this now. Keep talking to him less and less, eventually he will be just a memory and you will be able to focus entirely on your bf, good things and bad things.