Should I leave her?

[chatnoir77]

Hi,

I don't know what to do anymore. There's a very loud voice in the back of my head telling me to leave her. We are both 35, well educated, with good jobs. We were in a long-distance relationship before and I gave up my job and accepted a job in her town and move to her place. On the outside things are very good, but I feel that she is not good for me and never really has been good. She is very good looking, whereas I am just an average guy. In the beginning I did everything to seduce her and make her feel good. However, she is really a princess on the pea, always asking me to do this and that for her. She is also quite smart and totally absorbed by her job. In the beginning I really felt that she tried to "manage" me and gave me a lot of commands. I was so pissed sometimes that was not always nice to her and whereas I was very caring in the beginning I really cannot offer it anymore to her. She is now gone on a business trip for three weeks and I am really thinking that I should just move out. She has repeatedly told me that she loves me and that she wants to be married to me. We are engaged for more than a year now, and to be honest I was hesitant to get engaged to her and she really talked me into it over and over again - it was almost like a brain wash. If she had been more relaxed and not so bossy all the time things could have been much more cool and relaxed. Also in the household she really does not do anything except for cooking. But it's always dirty and she leaves stuff for me to clean in every room because she thinks she is too good for it or that she does not have to deal with it. I think she was extremely spoiled by her parents and too often treated like a princess. We have been together for three years now and the worst thing is that we almost don't have any sex anymore. The last time we did it was probably 4-6 weeks ago. The last time we performed oral sex for each other was half a year ago. Sher told me that she is not really into it and sex with her has been quite akward sometimes (always misisonary position, sentences like "ahhh I let you do the work today, I am just too tired" and so on). In all my previous encounters with women I was always extremely sexual active and not having sex on a reagular basis has done things worse little by little. I know it's also my fault in a way, probably at least 50%. I tried to make it up and booked some nice trips, for example to Paris or to a Wellness/Spa Hotel, but even at these great romantic places nothing happened between us. We are really good friends on the outside and also hold hands but there is absolutely no electric passion between us anymore.

I think I should just move out and start all over again. I know something has intuitively kept me back from her the whole time and that even though she is not a bad person per se. I am just not sure we are a good match. I am also a little scared to have kids and marry her because of that because I don't want to end up in a bad marriage. I love kids so much and I sometimes wonder if having kids would bring us clother together. Maybe it would really help.

So I am hesitant whether I should leave her or not. There's a loud intuitive voice telling me to leave her and find happiness again with someone else and another voice whih is telling me that she is beautiful and intelligent and that we can be happy if I just try harder and if I try to be more understanding.

I am very very happy for any comments.

Thank you so much.

ChatNoir

[oldskool83]

cant have kids if sex is not happening. i think you need to have the where do we stand talk. you will know what you need to do after that.

[smackie9]

OMG seriously? you are that hard up because she is hot? Time to get out of that puddle and have some self worth. You are an absolute idiot to think having kids will make her turn into the ideal woman (LMAO). Get over it dude, she is a dud. I agree, leave her.

[chatnoir77]

OMG seriously? you are that hard up because she is hot? Time to get out of that puddle and have some self worth. You are an absolute idiot to think having kids will make her turn into the ideal woman (LMAO). Get over it dude, she is a dud. I agree, leave her.

Smackie, it's easy to laugh about it, but I tell you, if you are caught up in a relationship and "blind" you just don't see these things. I just read my own post again for myself and thought myself that things are obviously totally wrecked. I think I am/was the typical "nice guy" and she deliberately took advantage of that for a long time. Everytime I asked her to do something she feels sick or has a headache. I am so tired of all this BS. I know that if she wasn't so good looking with her cute face I had already left her ages ago.

[Boisdevie]

Pack your bags. Oh, and stop finding excuses for being an idiot.

[jetta86s]

So act like the boss if you want to be the boss. The problem is not her I guess, its you. You should learn how to adjust and make the situation in your favor or neutral for your case.

[chatnoir77]

First of all, my ladies, I would like to thank you all for giving me your opinions.

I did a lot to be bossy with her and say clearly what I like and don't like. My girl-friend is highly competitve and ambitious in her job and has extremely well-developed argumentative skills. She has had a lot of problems with men in her job in the past, men that she competed with, men that were not as good as her but her boss, stuff like that... to compensate and who knows maybe out of insecurity I have been working like crazy myself and been quite successful. However, somehow my sex drive for her has totally faded away.

She once told me that all her previous boy friends cheated on her at some point and run away. I can understand why and honestly I just have similar thoughts and that's why I wrote this post here. It can be challenging to be with a tough business woman in a relationship at times, in particular a woman that always knows what she wants all the time. I think she has suffered a lot herself in a way but of course she cannot change herself. And has problems to admit any weakness.

So here I stand. I hate my f***ing ambivalence towards her. She is also frustrated because I cannot completely commit to her. I just miss having a new love in my life, a new body, new passion, new love, new excitement.

[surfhb]

No wonder they all left.....she sounds like a massive ccunt.

Now you need to do what all the others did my friend..... Do it today if possible

[Boisdevie]

For gods sake stop being a complete tosser and leave the bitch. Or stop ****ing complaining to us and enjoy the pain.

[Angellic]

It's already been said. End it now before you both end miserable and married. You both deserve better.

[Lynda]

Hi

Im so sorry that you are going through all of that. In a way you've already answered your question. If you are at the point of asking if you should go or stay then the answer is you should leave. If everything was wonderful in every aspects of your lives together you wouldn't even think about leaving. For sure we all have our arguements but lokk at the big picture. When we are truly in love we do not question ourselves to stay or keave.

Their is someone out there that is waiting for you. Just be honest with here and move on so you can bee happy again
. Cause you can't change someone.

Good lick let me know what you decide

[weathergirl]

Dear OP,
I am sorry for your situation. Sounds like maybe her ex's may have gone down the same road and ended up cheating as a way to get out. Don't put yourself through that - because the guilt will haunt you, and you sound like a good guy, at least you are sharing this problem with others to get some other opinions other than your own.
Maybe as another member said it's time to sit down and talk seriously about where your relationship is going. In my opinion just leaving with no explanation will cause questions her end, and ultimately prolong the break up.
If it was me, I would sit down and have a very serious talk about it so you can hear what she has to say, and then make the decision whether to quit or stay. Maybe the three weeks of her being away will make you see everything clearer. Although I am guessing deep down the decision has already been made - life is too short to not be happy and just accept something. As the saying goes, what you put up with, you end up with.

Good luck and I wish you well.

[cheekxs]

aLL THE TIME I SEE PEOPLE IN here saying she is good looking. and all that none important stuff.
i think its your own fault for going and fall for the looks.

and to make a step like that u both need to know each other more then the internet and phone, you dont just give up all and move to a place just for sex and nice woman!~!

thats stupid.

[cheekxs]

-nice woman = from the outside.

you shoulda have meet her family friends, spent real time together.
and if every person know when they find their match. when she finds her match she shore will heal from some of that stuff and wake up more.

before you leave maybe you can just tell her the stuff you are telling us. so she knows what she need to work on. and that some stuff may have to do with her way of acting and treating people.

relationship is communication for great part, sex is just a portion of it.

[smackie9]

I do understand being "blind" but after one experience you learn real fast to get out.