Abortion caused split

[jcowap]

Heyyyy i was just wondering if some guys could give me some advice on they would do in my situstion pleas. And please go easy on me
I met my ex 4 months ago. We started dating and then got together and was together a month before splitting.
The reason we split in my eyes is because she fell pregnant. She was using birth control but forgot. We both decided to abort the pregnancy for a number of sensible reasons however it was mostly her idea. I would of been open tomkeepimg the baby and did ketnher know and i even explaimed how we would cope. She had the abortion and became incredibly distant despite claiming she was fine mentally and physically (all just a front?) ive done a hell of a lot of research and know 99% of women arnt ok. I try to understand what shes going through, try to be there for her but its hard when shes so distant. I didnt nah her when she became distant, i still kept it very laid back. You cant make a girl talk to you when shes not up to it! I even tried to lighten the situation by sending her a funny pic of me in a dress she left at mine and didnt even get a reply.

This is where i went wrong and i was badly advised to do this by a few people and was insensitive! I turned up at here wanting to see her snd talk. She said it wasnt the right time as she wasnt at home because she had a load of crap going on ther, i said id wait but she said she may not be returning home. She really wasnt happy and i went home and asked if she wanted to finish and she said yes, i asked her why and she gave 3 absolute bulls**t reason which i know for a fact are false. They actually are laughable. I think i pushed and provoked her turning up to speak demanding it gets sorted. She probably still had the abortion messing her head up mixed with the rubbish that was going on at home,

Anyway 5 days later i sent her an essay apologising saying ive seen the error or my ways, told her how much i love and care for her and i would like to stay on contact because i miss her company and her making me laugh so much, she responded positive however this doesnt mean im going to text her every day. I want to do n/c but still text the odd time to let her know im still around. Any ideas on what i can do to fix it? This really is the hardest thing ive ever gone through! Im so hurt and i cant stop thinking about her it means im constantly depressed and upset! I want to remove her off facebook because it will make it easier to get over her and forget her but it will have the same effect on her right? Ill never bump into her as she lives half an hour away so i want to use facebook to show her im still keeping busy, checking in to places etc.

Does anyone have any advice as to where to go from here? I know for a fact she liked me a HELL of a lot. She constantly said she was mega picky with boys and she did things like pay £160 for a posh hotel for us. Those feelings and the attraction dont just suddenly disappear?

Thanks for reading anyways. I just feel mega awful on her going througn the abortion, before she had it i was worried sick becsuse i told what happens! She didnt even let me go with her, i just felt useless and be there for my girlfriend who i love and who needed me.

She did tell me 2 weeks before the abortion she was worried we wouldnt be the same afterwards which shows she cares! I tried my best to reassure her but i guess she was right

Jonathan

P.S i just thought id add she went to the abortion clinic the 1st time round but walked away as she felt guiltand im guessing very scared of the procedure even though she didnt state this!

[smackie9]

I'm very surprised they did not offer any counseling before and after or did she refuse it? Some groups believe these clinics are butcher shops but they are not. The majority do offer options like adoption, but there is more at play here. She probably is worried about her family's opinion on this matter, fear of them finding out, and of course her emotional state.....a tug-o-war is going on in her head wondering if she did the right thing. Maybe you could have stepped up took her by the hand and went with her to discuss more about it with a professional. But that is her nor there.....sounds to me she needs counseling....have you not suggested it?

[jcowap]

I'm very surprised they did not offer any counseling before and after or did she refuse it? Some groups believe these clinics are butcher shops but they are not. The majority do offer options like adoption, but there is more at play here. She probably is worried about her family's opinion on this matter, fear of them finding out, and of course her emotional state.....a tug-o-war is going on in her head wondering if she did the right thing. Maybe you could have stepped up took her by the hand and went with her to discuss more about it with a professional. But that is her nor there.....sounds to me she needs counseling....have you not suggested it?

Hello.

Yes she was offered counselling but refused it. Like i said shes the type of girl to put on an act and your right, her family dont know.

I really did want to go with her. I felt like it was my duty as her boyfriend amd also i was very worried about her however on both occasions she wemt to the clinic she didnt tell me. She said she knew id demand to go and she just wanted to go alone. If i suggested counselling she would just laugh it off or something being ghe 'indipendant strong mimded girl she makes out she is

[smackie9]

You did everything you could then, so there is nothing else for you to do but leave it be.

[surfhb]

Like we said in your other thread it's over. You need to move on and stop ALL contact. You're going through a break up....it happens everyday and we all have been through it one time.

You writing her just pushes her away more

[Cerby]

Agree with everyone else. You dated for a MONTH, a relationship that new isn't strong enough to withstand the emotional strain of an aborted pregnancy. You likely moved WAY too fast (telling someone you love them too early is a sign alone), but a pregnancy and abortion blew the whole thing to pieces.

All you can safely do is leave her alone and give her space, continuously sending messages and essays will only continue to associate you to the truamatic event, and that will mean she will never see you the same way again. So leave her alone, and focus on just getting over it, because I don't think she will come back, and if she does, it will be after she has gotten over this hurdle.