Slacking on the "love you's"..

[Rumkie]

Hello all.

Now, I must first admit that I feel slightly silly and utterly naive by asking this question, but it's on my mind and refuses to budge. Basically - my girlfriend of one year has pretty much altogether stopped telling me she loves me. Now, our relationship is absolutely fine. We're lovely and comfortable in each other's company, we know each other now, and we have two foreign holidays booked over the next year or so. We're solid.

But here's what's bugging me. I'm one of those guys that feels it's important to, at opportune and appropriate moments, reaffirm to her that I love her. I simply find telling somebody that with utmost sincerity and emotion is one of the keystones of a thriving relationship. In my mind, she apparently thought so too. As she would either say it first more often than not, or always reciprocate when I said it. Until these past few weeks. Now, when I have a moment with her, look in her eyes and tell her that I love her - I either get a smile and she leans in for a kiss or, even worse, she simply says "Good."

She won't say it, she won't text it, she won't respond to it.. Yet we're in the best place we've ever been and have a future to look forward to. Am I being a bit melodramatic or should I talk to her about it? Because, honestly, it kinda hits the heart hard at times.

Thanks guys x

[oldskool83]

your relation is ont fine, thats why your asking questions. you need to have a talk with her why she is not telling she loves you. seems like withdrawl to me and will break up with you after your planed holidays

[Bewsh]

I hate to say this to you but by the sounds of it she's having doubts. I've just been through exactly this, she wouldn't text it back, she wouldn't say it on the phone, and if I ever said it face to face i'd get a smile with an empty look in her eyes.

Now, maybe she has a lot of stress in her life atm? If so, that's probably it even though it still doesn't make it fair on you that she won't say it back. But other than that i'm pretty sure it's over for you. I think the best thing for you to do would be to confront her asap. Perhaps say it to her, if she still doesn't respond then just ask her. Though her reply will probably be something like "Oh sorry, just had a busy day that's all" OR, you can do what I did and throw yourself in the deep end. I phoned her up, said I wanted to meet her in 10 minutes to ask her something. Asked her, "I need to know. Deep down do you still want this relationship?" and I had my answer straight away "I don't know" we broke up within 5 minutes after that. I expected it for the past month anyway so it didn't come as a big of a shock as it could have been.

I know this will be hard for you to read, and I know that ideally you wanted someone to say "Yeah it's fine, just ask blah blah" But to me this seems like it's over, and she'll keep carrying on acting weird/more different until something gets brought up. I'd say ask her about it tomorrow and you'll have your answer.

I really do hope it's good news for you as break ups suck. But if it isn't, just remember that relationships come and go, treat it as another life reference experience. Your mind will focus on EVERY single positive part of that relationship and it's gonna hurt, but just think of every thing you didn't like and use it as motivation to become better I broke up with my girlfriend bit over a week now, I mean yeah it absolutely sucks and I do have my really low negative days, but i'm consciously training myself to control my emotions, rather than letting them control me. Since doing that I've been a WHOLE lot more positive.

All the best

[Angellic]

Yep, I think she's having doubts, even though she isn't articulating them yet. Refusing to say "i love you" back is very hurtful, so why not ask her next time outright why she no longer says it back? It's a valid question: if you are feeling insecure enough to come on to a public forum and pick the brains of complete strangers, you need to resolve this issue before it poisons your relationship even further.

[Rumkie]

Hey all. Thanks for your responses. I did indeed bring the topic up with her yesterday. It was a slightly awkward conversation.. mainly because I felt like I was coming across as needy and naive; but she did come clean in the end. She simply says that she doesn't want to feel like she "has to say it". She just wants to say it. She loves to surprise. And to be honest, I understand that. Because I am sometimes guilty of slightly overkilling it.

So.. no bad times here. For now at least ¬¬

Thanks again.

[searock]

I strongly suggest you stop saying it so often! Like... more than once a day is definitely too much. How about you keep it for special occasions too?

[Boisdevie]

You're just bloody insecure. Stop worrying. Why not try booking another foreign holiday - everyone knows that going on holiday with your partner is a true sign of love.