Should we divorce, am I wrong?

[Sceitall]

Me and my wife of 3 years and two beautiful kids have been fighting very badly lately. I'll try to keep this short.

Her mother has alzheimers, a very bad form of it that makes her memory decrease in fast increments. In just 3 years, she can't even stand up or sit down properly... Anyway, so my wife moved back to Japan from USA, and asked me if I'd go with her to help her, and I said yes of course. She takes care of her mother all the time, she has to even assist her in the bathroom, she does all the chores, cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids ETC.

I'm a very nervous and somewhat troubled person since my parents used to fight physically often, but I am not abusive in the slightest, just that I have flashbacks and I guess prone to arguing because I grew up with that type of atmosphere. My wife on the other hand seems to not take to me being loud, because then she gets like that as well (she's a Leo like me.) I think she doesn't respect me the way a man should. I want a woman to say she loves me and to give me massages, rub my body somewhere, because I do that to my wife all the time but she never shows me that type of affection anymore. Am I wrong to expect this type of loving when her mother is slowly dying? Should I be extra nice to her because of this?

I moved from USA, left all my family and friends, and my wife doesn't show me affection like she used to, but she does all the housework and takes care of her mother and our kids. All I want her to do is kiss me from time to time or something like that. I do that to her all the time, multiple times, but I feel maybe she just doesn't feel like that mood with the current situation.

Yesterday, she sat next to my friend instead of next to me, and I got jealous that she did that, and I told her, and she said I am annoying and she wanted to divorce me and take my kids too, then she said sorry, but I was way too mad and I am thinking of divorcing her now because she always seems to hint out that she doesn't really need me to help her anymore and that I might feel better if I lived in my own place.

I really need advice, anything would help. This is the first time I've asked for help about something like this, so any wise input would really help me.

Thanks so much, bye for now.

[VincenzoG91]

Your wife sounds like she is exhausted. Although you moved with her to Japan, are you doing anything else to help her? Why is she doing all of the housework? Why is she the only one taking care of the kids? How is she supposed to have the energy to give you a massage?

I think that you should ask her directly what you can do to help her out. And then help her. This is no time for old-fashioned gender roles, this is the 21st century, and your wife is dealing with a crushing load of responsibilities. She needs your help. And if you help her enough, you just might find that she soon has some time, energy and enthusiasm for more intimacy with you.

[Wakeup]

She's tired and burdened with looking after You, your children and an adult baby. Surely you're not that needy that you can't just help her out a little, give her some slack and/or find a nurse/housekeeper so that she'll have a bit of energy to coddle You. If you get her domestic help then don't expect her to emotionally reconnect with you without couples councelling or a whole lot of attitude change from you. You've taught her that she's pretty much on her own and can't rely on you to be of help or protective in a dire situation. That will make her emotionally and physically disconnect from you in order for her to survive using her own skills. Being stoic and indifferent to you is how she is coping by the look of it. You're as if you aren't not there so she is treating you like you are not.

I understand that you have needs but if you re-read your original post I hope you'll be able to see that your wife does not have the time nor the patience to baby you as well as every freakingother person in her life.

You got jealous because she sat next to you friend instead of you? Please! Perhaps sometime on your own to learn to be less helpless and needy will be a good thing for you. It may force you to learn to be happy on your own. You can't be happy with someone else if you're not happy with yourself.

[Cerulean.]

Vincenzo and Wakeup said everything I would have said.

[Sceitall]

I think you all said exactly what I said to myself in a 3rd person. I felt like I was being a little bitch, I guess it's because like I said, I have emotional and anger problems, but I should be a man about the past and help out my wife more.

We patched things up this afternoon, and I really hope we never go through anything like this again. I really thank you all for being real, that's the only way I accept any form of guidance is when it's told straight and without sympathy.

Thanks so much, peace!