First, a little about myself. I'm not a sad, lonely person with low self-esteem or anything. I'm pretty happy with the way I am. I'm handsome and confident enough that I've never experienced a shortage of women. Now, I'm not a total womanizer either. I've had three girlfriends up until now; I'm 22. Usually, my relationships last a while—the longest being about three years. I've been faithful in every single relationship.

Okay. So call me crazy, but I've always had this notion that I could date just about anyone and make that relationship work. I see myself as a pretty good boyfriend. I listen, support, encourage, compromise, forgive. My three ex-girlfriends have all been pretty good as well. My first girlfriend left me for someone else, but later regretted that decision, but before that she was good. My second and third girlfriend live much too far to keep the relationship going, in my opinion; and for them, that's kind of the main reason we broke up. The last two relationships were ended gracefully and we talk from time to time.

I feel "love" is completely arbitrary. Meaning, one decides to stop at any given relationship. I feel like I'd be equally happy with anyone of my past girlfriends. I could keep dating more people, but I wouldn't necessarily feel any happier with anyone else. I've never experienced the kind of "love" that one sees in the movies—or even the kind of "love" that some of my friends claim to have. Everyone just kind of feels lukewarm and decent.

Now, this past year I tried a little bit of experimentation. I thought maybe I should date someone with the opposite personality that I'd usually go for. It proved to be interesting and somewhat insightful. I'd like to compare the two personalities at this point.

Girlfriend 2 is the typical kind of girls I'm attracted to. She's nice and safe. Meaning, she tends to be a bit more relaxed or reserved. Her idea of a night out is going out to watch a movie and maybe a burger after. She goes to college and works. She doesn't do drugs or anything like that. She has a different cultural background than I. I feel she definitely liked me, but she had a hard time showing it. She's definitely not cold, but I feel like I had to initiate most things like, dates, phone calls, kisses, sex. A very minor dislike is that she's kind of tethered to her parents and very dependent on them. But, of course that's definitely not a deal-breaker.

Girlfriend 3 was almost the opposite of that. She loved to dance at night clubs late into the night. She was a lot more open to alcohol and stuff. I did not mind that at all. The dancing and the drinks were actually fun. She doesn't go to school, but works to pay for her own apartment and other bills. She has the same cultural background and I. I feel she definitely liked me as well and she did not have a hard time showing it. I feel dates, phone calls, kisses, and sex were initiated almost equally. However, a really important detail is that she has two kids already.

Okay. Logically, I think I should try to find girls like Girlfriend 2. However, illogically, I think maybe girls like Girlfriend 3 are more interesting. Both Girlfriend 2 and 3 were fun and rewarding experiences. Neither had terrible or even significant arguments.
The thing that turns me away from Girlfriend 2, to my surprise, is the difference in cultural background. My first language isn't English and I would like to teach any future offspring my first language and hand down my cultural traditions. After dating Girlfriend 3, I realized how nice it was to share a cultural background.

The thing that turns me away from Girlfriend 3, is the kids. I'm in college right now. I don't have a job to support a whole family. Plus, I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that she already has kids and they're not mine. I just can't sit comfortably with that. Also, logically, I think I should include the fact that she isn't going to college, though I'm not sure how much weight I should give it.

The purpose of my experiment was get a clearer idea of what I want, but it's kind of left me in a more complicated situation. I'm not sure if I should find Girlfriend 4, which would be a combination of both Girlfriend 2 and 3, or go for nice girls or not so nice girls, or go for the cultural thing, or go for the college thing. Does it even matter? Will I be any happier?

I'm not sure if I should continue dating because, though I dislike that I'm starting to think this, I'm starting to think that ignorance is bliss. What if I find Girlfriend 4 and she still isn't enough? If only she had this quality or that quality. I think I've discovered that I will always want more. And actually, I think this might be human nature. We get something, then the next day we want something better. For example, we get a new phone, then later we lose interest in that phone and we want the "cooler", "better" one. We get high-speed internet and we want it faster tomorrow. I think this may be the case with relationships as well. I think that's why men cheat on beautiful women sometimes. They get the most beautiful woman out there, then tomorrow they want the one that's even more beautiful. I fear that I may begin to be like that. I've had the privilege to date two really great women, but Girlfriend 2 wasn't enough, so I went out to find a "better" one. Then Girlfriend 3 wasn't enough, so is there even a point in finding Girlfriend 4?

Should I just decide to stop at the next girlfriend I get, as long as she's not crazy, and just accept her strengths and weaknesses?