soooo confused!

[freedom4me]

been seeing a guy for almost 4 mos. its been really rocky for the past month. he basically quit communicating with me for about three weeks beside a random text convo once or twice a week. didnt see him for almost 3 weeks and then he wants me to come over. i see him friday. everything was great. he was the guy i first met again. had a long convo about why he disappeared and what he wants. he said i (me) was getting attached so he disappeared but he wouldnt do it again. he said he didnt want a gf cause he didnt have time for one then said it was because he didnt want his heart broke. i told him i would never break his heart he said yeah right. he fell asleep with his arms around me laying on his chest. thats never happened before, he always turns his back to me. next morning i asked if i should only expect to date him and never anything more. he said we werent dating, only hanging out. i was hurt and p*ssed so i said i didnt want to hang out so i was leaving. he begged and begged for me to stay so i finally gave in. he was then hugging and kissing on me until i left. i called him on my way home to ask if he was serious about just hanging out. he didnt answer but he called me back 20 mins later. i was calmer so i didnt bring up the hanging out issue. he talked like normal, he was being super cool like the guy i first met again. then he asked me to help him with some work he had to do later in the week. that night i go to bed and wake up with a text from him at 4:30 in the morning. we start texting. he went to the club last night which i didnt know he was into that. had his guy friend who i never heard of stay the night at his house. why would he text me that late? he knows i would not come over to his house at that time even if i wanted to so i dont think it was a booty call. why wouldnt he just let me leave if he only wanted to hang out with me anyway? he says one thing but acts different when we are together. and at dinner i caught him staring at me several times and he would look away right away. could he be into me and just be afraid of getting hurt. i heard sometimes guys pull away when they develop feelings but if they come back it means they really do want to be with you.

[Boisdevie]

i heard sometimes guys pull away when they develop feelings but if they come back it means they really do want to be with you.

I heard that UFOs exist and that Elvis is working in McDonalds. Or to put it another way, what utter bullshit. If you don't know what he wants and if the answer you get is an answer you don't like then dump him.

[freedom4me]

hi Boisdevie! thank you for your response but i actually read it in a dating book written by a psychologist. I have seen it in several texts. i just find it hard to believe because as a woman i would never pull away if i liked someone. but, they say men and women think differently. so that is why i am confused.

[Boisdevie]

I'm a guy. Perhaps other guys are different but when I like someone the last thing I do is pull away. That would be really stupid.

[smackie9]

Listen to Boisdevie. That dating book is a crock of s hit. You BF wasn't staying away from you because he was afraid of his feelings or was worried about getting hurt...that's how a girl thinks. He was with someone else. That 4:30am text was sent to you by mistake you fool....it was for someone else but realizing his mistake he made up some story that didn't make sense to cover his ass. Guys are great manipulators. They will do and say anything you want to hear just to get sex. You are confused because his actions don't match to what he says. That is a huge red flag.

It's true he doesn't want a relationship so it wouldn't be cheating when he is with other girls. So if you are not getting what you want, dump his ass, it's just that simple. And BTW toss out that book it's doing more damage than good.

[bulrush]

The quote is not quite correct. Here is the way it often works:

i heard sometimes INSECURE guys pull away when they develop feelings but if they come back it means they really do want to be with you.

Not all guys are confident. The insecure ones sometimes pull away. And they don't always come back unless they get strong signals from the girl, because they don't want to be rejected again. I used to be that insecure guy. Now I'm confident. So I've actually done this long ago.