She slept with someone early on

[mr blonde]

My girlfriend of 10 months lied about sleeping with someone early on. *We have been thinking of moving in together and she recently told me about this so that she didn't have to keep the lie moving forward. *

We met and started dating for 3 weeks. *We went on 8 dates or so in this time and we felt a strong attraction and connection. *We had some heavy make out sessions but had not slept together yet or said we were exclusive. She is from Europe and was only in the US a few months before we met. *She told me about a friend that would visit from Europe and that she would go on a two week trip driving around the US. *This was a male friend of hers so I asked her if this was a romantic trip or just a friend. *She told me that he was a client of hers through her work and that they had known each other for a year but in the last few months they had been talking everyday and had turned to a romantic relationship over the phone. *They planned this trip for a couple months, but then she met me. She told him that maybe it was not a good idea for him to come anymore since she was having feelings for me. *He had already paid for the trip and still wanted to come. *She said that she didn't know what to do and thought that she should still go on the trip as friends since they had never been together. *I wasn't happy about this but didn't fight it. *We had only been dating a few weeks and we were not committed. *I trusted that she would do what she felt and if she chose to be with him then we weren't meant to be.

During her trip with him, she called or sent me texts almost everyday. *She said she missed me and couldn't wait until we could be together. *She came back in town a couple of times during these two weeks so I asked if we could meet. *If there was nothing between them then it shouldn't be a problem. She said that she asked her friend and he didn't want to meet me since he didn't speak English, but she also implied that he didn't want to meet the guy she now likes. I thought this was not the truth and that she was actually being romantic with him, obviously. *So I was hurt by this and went out one night, met someone and had sex. *

When her friend finally went home, we met and talked about her trip. *I was upset that she went, and that she wouldn't meet me while he was here when she was back in town. *I asked if she was together with him romantically and she maintained that he tried to make it romantic, but she said no because she felt a stronger connection with me. *I told her about the woman I slept with not only to be honest, but to also get the truth about her trip. *She still said that they were only friends, and was upset that I had slept with someone. *I really did not believe her and was not sure if I wanted to see her anymore. *We had sex for the first time after this argument and I was surprised that she wanted to. We were not close at this time and I was not happy with her, so why should we have sex? *

Over the next few weeks we continued to see each other, but I let her know that we were not monogamous. *I slept with two more women during this time because I was not so sure about her and thought I would see if someone else would be better for me. *I didn't tell her directly about these women, but I did tell her again and again that we were not monogamous. *After some time, I stopped seeing the other women because she and I really had better chemistry, we laughed together so much, and we really enjoyed our time together. *We decided that we would be exclusive and have now been together 10 months. *

Things have been progressing with us and we have been talking about moving in together. *She decided to tell me that she slept with this man during her trip so that she could have a clean slate before moving in together. *I was furious because although I did not believe her at first, over time I felt that maybe she did only remain friends with him and that maybe I was the jerk for sleeping around. *I told her about the first woman, so why would she maintain that she did not sleep with this man? My initial feeling about her story was correct and I felt betrayed that although we were not together at the time, she lied about what really happened while I told the truth. *Why she would tell me now I don't really know, but she says that she felt that I was still questioning this trip, and she felt guilty about the lie. I wasn't asking her direct questions about this after the initial month had past, but I would say things that were not true with us if she had been with him.

I don't know what to do since I feel that we built the relationship on a lie and she kept the lie going for so long. *I am in love with her now and it hurts more now than if she would have told me then. *She says that she knows I would not have given her a chance if she told then, and that may be true. At least she would have been honest and let me decide for myself instead of deceiving me about her behavior and character. *She says that she is not one to sleep around but she was just in a bad situation having already planned this trip with him and he had already paid. *She says that she began the trip with the intention of being friends, but after a week of being together she decided to give him a chance. He was trying to be with her the entire time and she felt she could not say no any longer and that she should try to see if they had anything between them. The entire time she was with him she was telling me she missed me and couldn't wait to be together. *She said that he was upset that she would keep calling and texting me while they were together but she let him know that she still really likes me and didn't want to stop. She says that when she returned and we met, she was sure that she felt a stronger connection with me and later told him that she would be with me instead of him. *He was upset about this but got over it and remained her client.

She says they only have a professional relationship after this and he knows that she is with me. *She says they still talk, but mostly about business. She had to go back to Europe for work, where she told me they met at the trade show and had lunch. *Also, she met him again later because he transported some product for her that she could not carry in her travels. I wasn't really happy about this either, but did not want to be controlling of her and she had not admitted to me yet that she had slept with him.

When she told me about the lie, we didn't see each other for a few days. She was very upset and told me that everyone at work was asking her what was wrong. She says that only by coincidence, he contacted her for business at this time. It is hard for me to believe this as well and I suspect that she called him. He asked her what was wrong because she was obviously upset on the phone. *She told him about the situation between us and that we were having problems because of their trip together. I didn't really appreciate her sharing this with him and makes me feel even stronger that they are more than just friends.

I really am not sure what to do. *She and I were not exclusive when she was with him, but I am angry that she lied about the trip and that she talked with him about us. *She tells me the truth now that I am in love with her and it hurts as if she cheated on me. I ask questions and she shares these details with me that are also hard to believe. I don't know if I can trust her, but I would like to since we are good together.

Any advise on how to handle this? I can't decide if I should still be upset about this because she did want to tell me before we moved in together to clear her conscience. I still have a hard time believing some of the details she has shared, and I wonder if there is more to this than she is telling me. Maybe she is telling me part of the truth to make her feel better, but if I knew the entire truth it would for sure be over. Or maybe she really just doesn't want to be untruthful and wants to come clean. I cannot decide.

[VincenzoG91]

You're obsessing. She slept with somebody else early on, and so did you. It wasn't a serious relationship yet, so maybe she didn't feel like you needed to know everything about her. Some guys can't handle knowing that their girlfriend has some experience, and she might have thought that you were that type. She might have been right, too, judging by your reaction. But that doesn't make either of you a terrible person. It's reasonable for you to decide that this is a dealbreaker and move on. Or you might decide that you don't want to lose her, and decide to forgive her. The only bad choice would be to stay with her but continue to obsess over the past.

[MaidenMinx]

I would have read your post, but, your constant incorrect use of asterisks ( that's a * by the way) is frustrating and distracting.

[Boisdevie]

I would have read the post but prefer posters who can get to the ****ing point without a million ****ing words detailing their entire ****ing life story.

[iamaninnocentma]

Harsh man, too harsh.

[steviej]

So, she slept with one guy and feels guilty about it, you slept with 3 women and feel hard done by.

Get over youself! You're turning a mole hill into a mountain, either deal with it or cut her loose and move on. You have no right to punish her or make her feel bad/guilty about this.

[oldskool83]

this is life, if you not serious no one is your but then yet people feel cheated or hurt when people are truthful. heres a hind, just shut the hell up next time anything prior to you means jackshit.

[mr blonde]

Thank you for the responses.

I understand we were not together so I don't really fault her for the trip or the sex. My biggest concern is that she lied to me about it after I was truthful to her. She says that if she told the truth, I would not have given her a chance, so she decided to wait to tell after I got to know her better. That way I wouldn't judge her for this difficult situation and think that she always sleeps around. So if she can lie to me for so long by rationalizing the lie, what else may there be? In the future there may be a new reason to lie that she can justify in her mind. I would rather that she has the character to tell the truth, and live with the consequences of her actions rather than to use deception to portray herself in a more favorable light.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

**** another girl this weekend, and call it square, you bitch.

[steviej]

You really are making a big song and dance about this. Look at it from the perspective of why she told the lie, because of how she feels about you!
Also, she didn't have to come clean, she has done to prove there are no secrets. Stop being a massive douche.