Did I just cheat?

[ScottMustaine]

Ok. I've posted at main discussion, but I want more answers.
I've known a girl for 3 years. She has fallen in love with me 3 years ago confessed and when I wanted to get into relationship with her, she backed off with lame ass excuse of being afraid breaking the friendship down. I was down etc etc, so 3 years later after changing almost from the root. She started flirting again telling me how I grown into a man etc. She was all the time a great emotional support. Also a big pain in the ass because of fights we had.

So we got together. And everything was great. Then she started acting a lot more free. She put her friend who she knew 1 month in front of me. Her friend would call me out for being ugly or something and I would reply to her she's fat. My gf would immideatly attack me for 'attacking her friend' , that started turning me off.

Then she confessed she's going on school trip and she will be in a room with 2 guys who were her school friends. 7 days.

Not only that but her ex boyfriend(6 months) who gives her private french lessons was still there.

That got me and I ended it everything.

Day later I told her she got 3 days to change something about it if she wants to get back in relationship and she remained silent. So after 3 days I told her we're done.

I went no contact with her but she in one of hang outs met my friend who was a drummer and well they got to know each other. At first I thought he was on my side. And by his tales she was seeking revenge, spitting on me etc. And in return I would spit back and he would tell her that.


After somehow I talked with my ex we found out this guy was worsening our connections. He backfired.

But there was something. I went into the hunt with other girls and I got another girls number in meantime.

So I talked with my ex one night about everything how she felt etc. ( i was still thinking she cheated on me, like 30 % of me thought that) , and I told her I will date other girls and won't make move to reunite with her until she comes back from her sea trip.



So I went out with this girl , got her in 17 minutes(made out) and we were going great etc. Second date was good. Then she flaked me 2 times for going out. We were supposed to meet and 1 hour before that she would say ' i was supposed to meet with my friends ' bla bla. So i told her to organize herself and call me. 3 weeks later she called and we kissed like 2 minutes out of 3 hours spent together. 2 day before she called me I found another girl which was more of a one night stand ( no sex thank you ). After all this I just decided to go celibate until ex comes back. I was already going sick of the girl i took her number, since she was static, unmotivated, a drug user, and simply, emotionless. She never gave me a hug, nor a kiss. You know. She would just stare at me like a psycho. Last time I was kissing with her I was imagening my ex.


With the ex i was really getting closer every day. Texting etc. She also started showing extreme jealousy of other girls and I didn't want to tell her about girls I dated. So I got sick and she started showering me every day to ask me how am I and to get better soon. She even got sick.

That really hit me in the head and it was a gesture I have never seen from her. She was always cold blooded. Never got a hug from her. Nor a kiss which I wouldn't initiate. And then this motherly care ?

I don't care about those two girls, some people know about the things I had with them which weren't serious, but many people are jealous because my ex is pretty ( although I see her as average girl, beauty in my eyes lasts 3 hours, then I don't care.), and I am afraid someone will tell her ( or even lie even more than it actually happened).



In this time I feel like I cheated my ex, we act like as we are in a relationship, showing jealousy if someone is around flirting. I want to be honest with her. But she might feel she was 'used as reserve' and go away . That's not something I want since this girl is showing her heart more than ever. She never cared for me this much and it happened out of nowhere. If I knew she was like this I would never even step in this shit.


I don't feel like I cheated with that girl who I took her number, she never acted as girlfriend, never shown any interest and obviously I regarded it as 'dating' .

But I feel like there's the connection back with my ex which came around the last time I made out with that girl and feel like I cheated.

Help people. :S

[smackie9]

She is your ex, you are not in a relationship so you can do whatever you want. You told her that you will be dating other girls so you are not cheating. Cheating is when you are committed to someone and you see others secretly.

You don't have to give her any details of who, and what happened, that is none of her business. Just tell her you didn't sleep with anyone....she should be satisfied with that.

[ScottMustaine]

Thanks, helped me a lot.

[ScottMustaine]

The two girls I had in the meantime meant nothing to me and they acted according so. The one that was being absent for 2 weeks , really doesn't show even a tiny grain of empathy for anyone. I don't like her at all, and I don't think we were in relationship, casual kissing when going out..... I decided to try once again with my ex. If not, I'll go celibate and focus on music and education.

I already went on celibate few days ago. Of course , everytime I do this girls simply attach themselves like magnets. One girl who I met few weeks ago told me to get naked and that she will come at my place in 2 hours. I thought she was joking , but she said she was serious. I from the start of the meeting have been absolutely distant. I didn't flirt. I didn't create physical contact. When talking I was distant. I was trying to put myself in friendzone. So I told her I'm going on celibate until my ex comes up. We are getting that connection that I won't let break loose like once before and nobody is going to touch it now. She went on rampage about my ex, how I am a jerk , selfish and how I think nobody deserves me. I explained her I am not attracted to her in a sexual way and there's nothing that can change that, I got a friend who looks like myself and they should meet up since he didn't have a gf for a long time. She still went with her tantrums and in the end apologized. I hope I didn't hurt anyone.

This girls sister started attacking me for being manipulative etc... I had an argument with her and now im accused of TRYING TO SLEEP with her sister and since i failed i couldnt take it and so i told her that...

This has no LOGIC. I did NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING !


What the hell is this ? I told my ex about this. We are already acting like we are in a relationship. For example she said she likes me because im a bit 'nerdy' and im not a womanizer.

I told her 'its not like I can't womanize, its just that my gut tells me its bad'

ex : its because i dont let you do it !

me: thats what i said !


Should i just tell her the whole story before this shit winds up even worser.


This girl whos into me goes into my school. My ex doesnt. But her friends go in the school. HELP!

[smackie9]

It doesn't matter, just play it off and say they are full of crap.

BTW, when you distance yourself, be less availabe, that makes you desirable to these girls. That is how it works. If you want to be friend zoned you have to be clingy and needy, call them all the time, message them, get mad at them when they don't answer right away, and talk about painful emotional experiences, and possibly cry about it if you can.

[smackie9]

Girls don't like a sucky ass attentive guy. Treat them like crap and they will come.

[ScottMustaine]

It doesn't matter, just play it off and say they are full of crap.

BTW, when you distance yourself, be less availabe, that makes you desirable to these girls. That is how it works. If you want to be friend zoned you have to be clingy and needy, call them all the time, message them, get mad at them when they don't answer right away, and talk about painful emotional experiences, and possibly cry about it if you can.

Yes, but there are more sources that can confirm what was I doing. I was flirting with ex and dating other women. Would being honest and telling her I just gamed them for fun and short period time be destructive?

[smackie9]

We went through this....just tell her you didn't sleep with anyone.....but got by the don't ask, don't tell policy. You incriminate yourself if you volunteer information, so don't say anything. Remember, to be desireable, even to you ex, you must keep distant and your mouth shut on the matter.