True Intentions

[chappyk]

I am spending time with a woman who I'm starting to have feelings for. She had said right from the beginning she did not want to be in a committed relationship. She just wanted to spend time with me and be intimate. Also that she wanted independance and that she was also spending time with another guy. We text each other everyday, and talk on the phone. I agreed to have a non committed relationship with her. She texted me today to tell me that it feels longer than 3 weeks that we've known each other. T oday when she came over she told me that I make her happy. She told me that I get her energy. But the reason that I am here is to hopefully get some clarity because today she told me that the only reason she is talking to the other guy is to prevent herself from falling for me. She admitted that she does really like me, but because shes at a point in her life where she doesn't want to be tied down she does not want her feelings for me to overwhelm her. She told me that she has a tendency to fall in love fast and she wants to prevent that from happening. Am I being led on? If I am not ( hoping that im not) what should I do so that she eventually might actually fall in love?

I am also going away for 3 weeks, and I am really hoping that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

[smackie9]

Play it kool, and it will happen. We all know that the less you make yourself available, the more desirable you will become. But if I were you I would dig a little deeper as to why she is avoiding having a relationship. There is nothing wrong with falling in love, but I'm wondering what she becomes when she does....like does she turn into an obsessive psycho? She gets horribly abusive out of paranoia, and jealousy? You better be careful what you wish for.

[chappyk]

so basically make myself unavailable and play it cool as in try not to let myself get to involved ( develop feelings)?

[smackie9]

Keep your distance, and no more sex. If you give her what she wants, then she is the only one that has control over this. Take back the control, and make sure you see other women, especially on your vacation. Show those pics on your FB then she will know she doesn't have the control that she thought she did. That will send her a message that you will not be led on by her rules and it shows you have a spine.

[chappyk]

She texted me tonight that all she wants is freedom to be able to work on her inner self. Does this mean that I'm pooling my emotions towards a lost cause?

[smackie9]

People will say whatever to avoid revealing the truth. It's pretty much to slowly turn you down.

Other excuses are "I have to focus on my studies." "I have exams". "I have family issues to deal with." "I am real busy a work, and it wouldn't be fair to you." "My last relationship ended badly." "My BF was a jerk." "I'm still getting over my last relationship." "I have trust issues." "I suffer from depression." "I need to be single to figure myself out." "I don't know what I want." I can go on and on.

[smackie9]

In other words she has been feeding you a load of crap right from the get go.

[IndiReloaded]

Many of those 'excuses' are valid reasons to end a relationship, Smackie. They've known each other for 3 weeks? What's the urgency? Sounds like she's being perfectly honest and he's engaged in wishful thinking. She told him what she wants. He needs to accept w/o expectation or move on.

Relationship WYSIWYG. Ninja-style.

[smackie9]

True true, it can go either way. But it could also mean she has made her choice to go with the other guy because the poster here is going away for 3 weeks.

[chappyk]

not sure, but i'm not in a rush

[smackie9]

See what she says when you get back. Girls can be fickle and change their mind.

[chappyk]

your a big help.... I know she doesnt want a relationship....with anyone, my goal is to eventually and patiently reel her in....Im happy the way things are

[TheCafeTerrace]

bollocks to that mate. I had a ****buddy once who said she didn't want a relationship - it was code for she didn't want a relationship with me. After about two months of sleeping with me she started dating someone else and now they're a couple. The list of excuses smackie stated were exactly the kind of things she fed to me - "freedom to be able to work on her inner self" is a classic. Stay very suspicious of this girl, don't let yourself believe you can just "eventually and patiently reel her in". Take the initiative.

[TheCafeTerrace]

huh, so this forum censors ****buddy, but not bollocks... how very strange.

[smackie9]

You can space out the letters..... F uck buddy...