Intimacy issues = going limp ?

[cellular887]

A little background first; I'm 24 and I went through a phase of not trusting women, hating them for stupid things that have happened (later learning it was really my own fault). In March of this year, I kind of hit bottom and confronted myself about it; talking with friends and my therapist. Since then, I've turned over a new leaf and decided to tackle my trust issues and start 'settling down.' I'm afraid my history might have possibly effected me last night. I finally met a woman I really like at a party a little over a week ago. She's very smart and attractive. She's a couple years younger than me. We clicked really well on a personal level (something that is rare for me) and after only a week of officially dating, she came over to my place and we started to have sex. It wasn't planned; very spur of the moment and honestly my biggest worry that night was whether or not I should kiss her good night. We hadn't had any physical contact prior except hugging. But soon into watching a movie, we were cuddling, and eventually making out like crazy for a really long time; it was the kind you'd see in a cheesy movie where the couple is knocking over lamps and so forth. I had an erection the whole time making out, then she asked me if I had a condom. I did, and the moment the condom touched me, I went soft immediately. We laughed it off and kept making out. It eventually came back and we had sex for maybe a minute before I lost it again. I tried to keep cool, but I felt very embarrassed and I was afraid that I was offending her. She actually smiled and kept kissing me, telling me "it's just too soon." I continued pleasuring her through other ways and after about an hour, we fell asleep in each others arms. When we woke up, I couldn't help bringing up what happened; I told her I was excited to be with her and I was a little nervous. She just said "don't worry about it" before leaping onto me and kissing. We're still texting back and forth today like we usually do so I think she is fine.

We have a date planned tomorrow, but my anxiety over trust (and now whether I'll be able to perform) is terrifying. I'll be devastated if this happens again. I know my plumbing works because I tested myself out when she left. My mind is drowning in thoughts right now so I can't pinpoint why this happened. I'm also paranoid that she is leading me on to make me feel better, even though my gut tells me she is not. One thought that crossed my mind was if I'm really working on trusting women, this could be a subconscious way of testing her; seeing if she truly is understanding by continuing to see me. Never the less, I'm a nervous wreck right now.

Could it really be because I actually care this time, whereas before I had no emotional involvement with sex? I should also mention it had been over a year since I've had sex and the last date I had with a woman was way back in October, which was a bad experience. Because of these two factors, I've had a lot of sexual tension built up this whole year so I had lots of anticipation last night. This same type of incident happened the very first time I had sex too, but I was extremely nervous then.

Thanks for listening, any advice appreciated!

[searock]

The more you think about it, the worse it gets... I suggest next time you are going to have sex, try to get a little tipsy before. Your problem is purely psychological (otherwise you wouldn't be able to get an erection at all), so it can help to loosen the tension a bit.

Don't worry about "disappointing" her, as a woman I can assure you, it's not a big deal to us. We know that it can happen, especially the first times with a new person.

[cellular887]

Not thinking about it is the hard part, but you're 100% right on that.

[oldskool83]

if you have trusting issues you should really get to know her 1st and work your way up, ull be more relaxed.

[cellular887]

if you have trusting issues you should really get to know her 1st and work your way up, ull be more relaxed.

True, I'll tell her tomorrow I'd rather take things slower. If she's good for me, she'll be fine with that. I'm already feeling better about the situation, and I know I won't even have the problem if I'm completely comfortable. Better condoms would help too.