Dating websites

[confused2012]

I recently found out my bf has multiple accounts to online dating sites, bdsm sites etc..i confronted hom about them and he said he uses them to talk to people about how he can spice up our sex life do different things etc. i know he isnt cheating physically. Am i wrong for being uncomfortable with him doing this? I guess i would rather him talk to me about these things and we could research it together. I also know he watches porn which i dont have a problem with but dont understand if he is out in living room watching it and he hears me get up he quickly takes it off why is that?

[TheCafeTerrace]

He probably does that because he's been conditioned to do that by years and years of wanking in his parents house while he was growing up, don't worry about it. And I wouldn't particularly worry about the websites either - plenty of people do visit BDSM websites just to pick up advice and tips for their current relationship (trust me, I see a lot of posts and occasionally recieve emails like this on a website called fetlife.com). Nothing wrong with researching it together, but equally sometimes it's nicer just to do these kinds of things on your own, have a bit of space away. Don't take it personally.

[confused2012]

I recently found out my bf has multiple accounts to online dating sites, bdsm sites etc..i confronted hom about them and he said he uses them to talk to people about how he can spice up our sex life do different things etc. i know he isnt cheating physically. Am i wrong for being uncomfortable with him doing this? I guess i would rather him talk to me about these things and we could research it together. I also know he watches porn which i dont have a problem with but dont understand if he is out in living room watching it and he hears me get up he quickly takes it off why is that?

[toknow]

The fact that he needs to look at websites like that, shows you aren't enough for him. It baffles me how people don't see this as a problem, maybe they just don't understand the underlying cause.

If he truly loved you, he wouldn't need another woman, or her body in his life. When you are truly in love with someone, they are unique to you, and you see in them something that you don't see in any other woman, and all other women are in a way completely foreign to you, like different type of males almost, so you aren't attracted to them, you aren't even attracted to them sexually. And the person you are in love with is so far above the rest that you simply don't, even feel the need to look at another person.

[Cerby]

The fact that he needs to look at websites like that, shows you aren't enough for him. It baffles me how people don't see this as a problem, maybe they just don't understand the underlying cause.

If he truly loved you, he wouldn't need another woman, or her body in his life. When you are truly in love with someone, they are unique to you, and you see in them something that you don't see in any other woman, and all other women are in a way completely foreign to you, like different type of males almost, so you aren't attracted to them, you aren't even attracted to them sexually. And the person you are in love with is so far above the rest that you simply don't, even feel the need to look at another person.

I agree to a point with this. It isn't that he is on the sites, it is that he isn't telling you about it and allowing you to find out on your own. You need to discuss boundaries and where they lie, what is ok vs what isn't. Preferably let him know that you'd rather talk about alternative sexuality options together instead of having him just go off on his own and talk to strangers.

Porn is an outlet, and most guys would agree with this. I love my gf and she has one of the most stellar bodies I have ever seen, but I don't mind hopping online and checking out something different once in a while. She has no problem with this whatsoever, she knows that the next person I'm going to be sleeping with is her, but also accepts that once in a while, a change in visual scenery doesn't change the relationship we have.

I am happy when I meet a woman that is ok with her bf/husband looking at porn, because the reality is is that most (if not all) men in relationships do it, whether is be once in a while or more frequently. So OP, Cafeterrace is right, he has been conditioned to view it as taboo, so when he hears someone moving around, first instinct is to turn it off and pretend he was watching something else.

[confused2012]

He never told me he was on these sites i found them by accident on the computer. I know i trust the fact he wont cheat, but it makes me feel bad that he is going to ther people to talk to. Some of the sites seem to be about just hooking up, like adultfroendfinder and datehookup..i know its no easy being with me sexually i had chronic back problems for a few years and it was hard for me to function with daily things. Im also a little shy i dont have any experience like he does and its hatd to open up and explore things i just dont want to become boring where he does go fond someone else to fullfill that part, im trying to open up but its hard. He is not the easiest person to communicate this stuff with either. Do a lot of guys have profileson dating sites when they are in a relationship? To me they are for just that dating

[cheekxs]

His answer sounds to funny to believe.

Why do men answer such a crap . do some think some woman are that stupid.

From all the things that he can use he gos to such a website? ahahahhahahahhahahahaa

that men is fooling you.

[Cerby]

He never told me he was on these sites i found them by accident on the computer. I know i trust the fact he wont cheat, but it makes me feel bad that he is going to ther people to talk to. Some of the sites seem to be about just hooking up, like adultfroendfinder and datehookup..i know its no easy being with me sexually i had chronic back problems for a few years and it was hard for me to function with daily things. Im also a little shy i dont have any experience like he does and its hatd to open up and explore things i just dont want to become boring where he does go fond someone else to fullfill that part, im trying to open up but its hard. He is not the easiest person to communicate this stuff with either. Do a lot of guys have profileson dating sites when they are in a relationship? To me they are for just that dating

No, if you're in a exclusive relationship, there is no reason for him to have a profile on a dating website. I thought were originally talking about discussion forums for the alternative lifestyles, but an account on adultfriendfinder is just a site where people go to hook up.

Something isn't right here at all.

[TheCafeTerrace]

When you are truly in love with someone, they are unique to you, and you see in them something that you don't see in any other woman, and all other women are in a way completely foreign to you, like different type of males almost, so you aren't attracted to them, you aren't even attracted to them sexually. And the person you are in love with is so far above the rest that you simply don't, even feel the need to look at another person.

Bollocks.

Humans are creatures of instinct - we are wired to find various people sexually attractive. This doesn't just switch off when we fall in love with someone, what stops us from acting on these sexual instincts is different very important human instinct - empathy. We don't want to hurt our loved ones by making them feel jealous or betrayed, and that is what makes us stay monogamous. Hell, one of the most loving couples I've met are swingers.

If you want to find a man who doesn't find any other women attractive, I suggest you start your search in a gay bar.

[Cerby]

double-posted. Here is the discussion.

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/67410-Dating-websites

[toknow]

TheCafeTerrace, just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

[Cerby]

TheCafeTerrace, just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

I think you're comparing your image of love to something divine. I agree with CafeTerrace that everyone finds others attractive, sexual attraction and love are seperate entities.

I love my girlfriend, she loves me, and I don't plan on spending my life with anyone else past this point if everything works out the way I want, but I also can enjoy looking at a nice ass or chest of a cheerleader at the football games. It doesn't mean I don't love the person in my relationship, it means I have a healthy sexual appetite.

If you dedicate your life as much as you have stated, then you're starting to get unhealthy. Nothing wrong with putting the love of your life a step up, but putting them as high as you believe probably is just a road to personal destruction.

[TheCafeTerrace]

TheCafeTerrace, just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090528120657.htm

[toknow]

I realize we must be talking about different kinds of love. So, I must explain I was talking about true love, and yes it is divine.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Sounds like what you're talking about is infatuation.