Says we're together, but she's also active on a dating site

[Northlight]

Confusing and hurtful. I've been involved with a woman for one year, many ups and downs. About 2 months ago, we had been arguing, she registered on a dating site. We didn't break up, just had been disagreeing on a few things, we don't often fight.

She says she considers us a couple, exclusive to one another, she says she would decline a date opportunity, and expects me to do the same. Says she's still on a dating site, but never checks messages. Says she won't drop her account there because she spent $150. I offered to give her the $150 if she dropped the account, she declined. I then asked her if there would be a problem with me doing the same, setting up an account, posting photos, profile, etc. She says me doing that is not the same, she wants it there only as an option that she's not using, but me doing it is not the same thing in her opinion. But her a dating site profile box today says she's been active in the last 24 hours.

Am I being played for a fool? Being used by her until something better comes along?

I believe if 2 people are in a relationship that they both label as together, exclusive to one another, then it is wrong to also have an active account - profile on a dating site that she is in fact, checking in on. I told her this scares and hurts me deeply, she just keeps saying its an option she's not using, but she is. Again, she says me setting up the same account - profile would not be the same thing. I don't really want to set up an account. I asked her about that to see her reaction, to let her know how much this hurts.

What do you see this as? What would you do if you were me? MOST IMPORTANTLY, what should I say to her about all this?

- Hurting in Idaho

[cheekxs]

Hmm....... I think this is why you should get to know each other , way before you get into having a relationship.
Cause then you can get to know things like this and address them and choose if its a red flag or not.

But i know what you are saying. Even tho i know what she is saying also.
Cause she knows you 1 year and she don't know how things will go.
So you may be there just for 1,5 year. So then she can keep up with her dating site friends.
So like why end everything you have for someone you know that short. It may be to much effort for noting at the end.

So, i dont know what advice to give you.
Even thou i think when someone is really in-love they don't have time to talk to internet people. And have only time for the one they
are crazy about.

Its up to you what to do about it.

[alex17]

Yes you are getting played for a fool. If you liked her or loved her and she said she would give you 150$ to take your match site down wouldn't you? Just think about how bad she wants to be on there to decline that. And she is already lying to you saying that she never gets on there when it showed she was active within 24 hours. She is prob talking to people behind your back, more then likely. Huge red flags off the start. I don't like this one. I just got out of a 1 year relationship with a girl who played me.

[Northlight]

Yes you are getting played for a fool. If you liked her or loved her and she said she would give you 150$ to take your match site down wouldn't you? Just think about how bad she wants to be on there to decline that. And she is already lying to you saying that she never gets on there when it showed she was active within 24 hours. She is prob talking to people behind your back, more then likely. Huge red flags off the start. I don't like this one. I just got out of a 1 year relationship with a girl who played me.

What would you recommend I say to her? Again, she doesn't see anything wrong with being on a dating site, but doesn't want me doing the same. I don't think she understands how hurtful and threatening this is to this relationship she claims to value. What I'm seeing seems to indicate that she just doesn't care. How could someone do that?

[VincenzoG91]

Tell her that she is a hypocrite and break up with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Break up with her, or at the very least make a real effort to start seeing other girls. For her to see that it is hurtful and threatening to the relationship, there needs to be a legitimate threat to the relationship. If you're not willing to end things with her, then she's going to continue doing it. Stop initiating contact with her, and start going after other girls. Hell, even set up a a dating site account, and start going after girls on there. Treat the relationship as over, until she comes around. The longer you wait, the more of a bitch you look like to her(and everyone else), and she will lose even more respect for you.

[IndiReloaded]

I can understand her not taking your money. That is like buying her. Take the $150 and get your own account. Don't be an idiot and tell her tho. This isn't rocket science. She's clearly not as committed yet as you and she's still fishing.

Not worth a breakup tho, IMO. Seems too controlling. Let her decide for herself, have your own lookie meantime. Nothing wrong with looking.

[jeejee]

Does it really cost 150 to join a dating site? Seems a little expensive to me. Like indireloaded said, you should end this relationship before you get hurt. Your girlfriend doesnt seem very commited to you or your family.