Both excited and nervous

[Indestructible]

So, as a handful of you may know, there's a girl I like, and I'm planning to ask her out (which is a big deal for me, because I've never previously dated). Thing is, I won't actually be asking her out until next Saturday. The problem? I'm getting pretty antsy. Even though I know there's a very real possibility she might say no, I can't help but be super excited to at least try asking her out. I just wish next Saturday would get here already, you know? It's all I can really think about, heh...

On the other hand, due to my lack of dating experience, I... don't really know where to take a girl. I don't get out as much as I probably should, so I don't know the lay of the land, I don't know what places are out there, what places would be suitable for a date, etc. Not really sure how to come up with a "game plan" within the next week, yanno? Of course, that's assuming she'd say yes, anyway.

But, continuing to run with that assumption, is there anything else I should keep in mind, do, and/ or think about, when it comes to a first date? I'm just so unfamiliar with the process that I don't want to do (or not do) something, and flub things up. If it makes a difference, she's not a complete stranger, she's a girl I've known for about a year, and have developed a nice little dynamic with. I really like her, and I kinda sorta think she might like me (at least a little bit), too, so I just want things to go well. Again, assuming she would agree to go out with me.

[pisces25]

Just be yourself. Take an interest in her, don't talk about yourself too much and being the first date, pay for it.

[TheCafeTerrace]

As soon as you see her tell her she looks great - the very first thing you say to a girl on a date should be a compliment.

Good luck mate! Let us know how it goes.

[Indestructible]

Just be yourself. Take an interest in her, don't talk about yourself too much

Heh, I'd hope I wouldn't, but it's kind of a little running gag between her and I that I'm apparently not very "forthcoming with information" about myself (and she seems to have at least a slight interest in getting me to open up more, which I suppose could be a good sign, in terms of whether or not she may want to date me?), which isn't particularly true. It's just that, for the most part, I don't have very exciting or interesting answers for a lot of the things she asks me about myself. But I'm generally an open book. Anyway, getting back on track, I sort of wonder if she'd try to use this same "strategy" on me, if I went out with her, yanno? lol

As soon as you see her tell her she looks great - the very first thing you say to a girl on a date should be a compliment.

I see what you're saying. I suppose I'd have to think on my feet, though, because I don't know that we'd go somewhere especially fancy where she'd have to dress up really nicely, and it would seem a little silly to make a big deal about how she looks when we're both just in pretty much regular clothes.

That's my one problem, though. In the past, I may have classified myself as "shy", but the truth is, I think I actually get along really well with girls. Surprisingly so, in fact. I'm good at the playful teasing, and all that, but I don't really "flirt"; I try to avoid saying or doing anything that's even remotely "romantic" and/ or "sexual" in any way. Perhaps I'm just a little "naive", but I'm a little shocked at the way I hear people talking. Seems like there are a lot of people (well, my peers anyway) that are unabashed about talking and joking about that kind of stuff. Nothing offensive, of course, but still kind of "risque". Heck, not too long ago, the girl I like asked me a slightly sexual (probably actually pretty tame) question, and I was unsure if she was joking or serious, so I just kinda laughed and avoided the question. Funny enough, she went on to guess the answer for me, and she was correct (though I didn't tell her this, just kinda kept laughing along). The point is, though, I can't tell when people are joking about this stuff, or being serious, and I get skittish, worrying I'll same something weird.

So, I'm a little timid about crossing that "threshold". I want her to know I'm interested in her in a more than friendly way, but I don't want to come on too strong. I know it's pretty much a judgment call, but being a bit "wet behind the ears" with this kind of stuff, I'm still kinda cautious.

Anyway, still looking forward to asking her out. There's one thing that could temporarily derail my plans, but at worst, it would only postpone me from getting to ask her out for another week or two. Crossing my fingers that this doesn't happen, because I don't think I can wait much longer to at least see what her answer would be.

[TheCafeTerrace]

I see what you're saying. I suppose I'd have to think on my feet, though, because I don't know that we'd go somewhere especially fancy where she'd have to dress up really nicely, and it would seem a little silly to make a big deal about how she looks when we're both just in pretty much regular clothes.

Totally doesn't matter. Tell her she looks great even if she looks normal - it's not about telling her about how she looks on that particular day, she knows how she looks. It's about being a gentleman, it's about noticing that she's more than a friend in your eyes, and it's about flattery and seduction.

Nothing offensive, of course, but still kind of "risque".

Dude, I'm the king of risque - no one ever says stuff like that without a hint of truth behind it. It's just a way of testing the waters, or planting a little seed in someone's mind. It's usually how I find out if someone's got kinky inclinations or not when I don't know them that well, in BDSM circles we call it 'kinkdar'.

I want her to know I'm interested in her in a more than friendly way, but I don't want to come on too strong.

As long as you can give a cheeky smile as you say something, it won't be too strong.

[Maple1714]

Listen to Cafe - tell her she looks nice or has pretty eyes etc...don't lay it on too thick of course or else she will think you are just saying those things to say them (eve though you are). Just pick 1 compliment and tell her Also, open doors for her and if you see anyone you know don't forget to introduce her right away...make her feel special. Find a way to touch her...give her a hug. First dates are exciting! I hope it goes well.

[Indestructible]

Find a way to touch her...give her a hug.

Hm. "Touching" has never been my forte; makes me a little nervous, but on the other hand, once we're past that "barrier", I'd probably be completely relaxed.

[TheCafeTerrace]

I don't know if it's the cultural convention in America, but surely a kiss on the cheek (or two if you're so inclined, but that seems a little too French for me) is an obvious way to start a date? It should be done just after or before you've paid her the compliment. There's also the touch on the small of her back as you show her to her chair - not too near the arse to be overly pervy, but not near the "friendzone" shoulders either. My favourite, which only really works while dancing in a bar or nightclub, is the old-fashioned hand offering then drape around the neck move. You offer your hand out to dance, then when she takes it you place her arm round your neck and then put your arms round her waist, keep dancing... Within 2 minutes you'll be making out.

[IndiReloaded]

Cafe has got moves. lol. You're wasted on men. That dance move doesn't look nearly so elegant but when done with a lady.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Trust me indie, that one works just as well on girls as it does on guys. Although to be honest in gay bars all you have to do is wink and you've likely pulled, frankly there's not much of a challenge in it. Girls are more fun to pull.

[IndiReloaded]

Although to be honest in gay bars all you have to do is wink and you've likely pulled, frankly there's not much of a challenge in it. Girls are more fun to pull.

Are you saying men are easier lays than women? I think that's what you just said!

[TheCafeTerrace]

Are you saying men are easier lays than women?

That's exactly what I'm saying, but straight women outnumber gay men by quite some distance. Swings and roundabouts.

[Indestructible]

lol Um... No offense, guys, but this isn't exactly helping me, heh.

[Maple1714]

Lol! Give her a hug at the end of the date then...but just try and relax...deep breathing really does help! There is no need to be nervous when spending time with a new person. We all feel nervous b/c we don't know what the other person is thinking/thinks of us...but i bet she will be nervous too and wondering what you are thinking too! So, just be yourself and if that's not what she is looking for well then who cares anyway?

[Indestructible]

So, in an effort to get an actual discussion going here, I've decided I'm going to use this topic to start asking any and every question I have about dating; many of them might be silly and/ or "Duh..." kind of questions, but remember, I have zero experience. For what it's worth, I'm not necessarily asking any of these things because I expect to go out with this girl, but I just want to educate myself about dating (and people) in general, so if and when it does happen, I at least have some knowledge. Anyway, first batch of questions coming up.

1. What time do people usually "go out", like for dinner, and such? (I ask this because I'm a bit of an oddity. Being socially reserved, I don't go out much, I'm usually home by 8 PM and in bed by 11.)

2. Is it better to pick the girl up and drive her to the date, or arrange to meet somewhere (I'm talking about the first few dates, of course)? If I drive her there, is there a... not-so-creepy-sounding way to ask her where she lives? (In my current situation, this girl is someone I've known for a while, so it might not be as weird, awkward or creepy to ask this, as opposed to someone who's pretty much a total stranger.) If I pick her up, is it appropriate to go to her door? When dropping her off, is it still proper to walk her back to her door?

3. Is the "first date kiss goodnight" a myth? (Again, getting physical makes me a bit nervous, and I wouldn't go for this unless I absolutely knew for sure she wanted it. At the same time, if the date were to go well, I'd want to convey that I'd like to go out with her again soon, one way or another; if this "kiss goodnight" thing is just an inappropriate dating "trope", is there a more appropriate way to send this message?)

Hopefully these get the ball rolling. Thanks for any discussion/ input. If I think of more questions, I'll post them.