Help with the girlfriend

[Shea]

I started writing a paragraph or three a day to get out what I've been feeling lately. Its nice but more importantly it helps me realize why I feel certain things and keep tabs on what's important to me when I look at my life I see two things my career and my girlfriend I don't have the best job not by a long shot but I'm in uni doing something I love I have never been one to prioritise the right way I focus on things that I shouldn't and put my energy in to things that don't need it or more importantly dont deserve it this takes me on to the second thing in my life my lady we haven't seen etch other for a wile as we have been going through some let's say rough patches and by patches I mean we have some serious trust issues


But before that i guess i should tell you bout her for the benefit of this I'm going to call her H, she has long dark hair a amazing body and the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen she has a child to her ex boyfriend but that don't bother me we get on really well and he's a cool kid he's not around anymore he was just a lazy pot smoking thief, I do most of the "dad" things like get him to sleep or feed him. I'm under no illusion that he is my kid I don't call him son or do farther things like hug and stuff, but this fathers day I did get a card of H but made out like it was from the child saying "your like a farther to me" I have to be honest I did like it I thought it was nice I got this message of her a few weeks a go*

""You are the bestest boyfriend in the whole world!! And the best daddy Harley could ask for:-) we both love you so much and wait to spend forever together with the other 3 too xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx""

She would send stuff like this from time to time and I have to admit I like it I love her so much she's the only girl I want to spend my life with i treat her really well i spend and much time with her as i can and i write her letters take her out buy her things i really work at it.
everything was going so well then all of a sudden we started drifting less talking and her moods was changing*

a few weeks a go she went to a party at a friends house and kissed a guy and by kissed I mean full on arse gripping kissing, I have always been faithful to her and every girl I have ever been with I wouldn't dream on cheating on any one, so some
May think that I might have been harsh but when I found out I dropped her i was willing to talk to her and guess try and understand why she would do this but something my sister said stuck with me "if she is willing to do that how far would she actually go" I love her so much and it hurts to think that she would willingly do something like that yes it wasn't sex but in my eyes cheating is cheating.

After we split a few days later she texts me "can we talk" at this point I know I was the one that called it of but i couldn't help but want her in my life I found myself hopping she would see the error of her ways and want to try and fix our relationship, I agreed to meet her and talk it thought my head at this point was all over the place and yes I'll agree I probably wasn't thinking straight but I just had to see her. When we met I didn't want to give away how I was feeling or show much emotion at least till I knew what she wanted i met her in a local cafe for a drink we sat down and stated speaking, at first I had to try and fight looking at her she looked just as nice as she always has i asked her what she wanted she replied " i want you back i made a stupid drunken mistake and it wont happen again ill do what ever it takes to get you back and earn your trust again" at this point my head felt like it was going to explode I didn't know what to do I asked her if she was 100% sure that she wanted to give it a other go and would work WITH ME to sort the relationship, she said yes and sounded convincing to me, I told her we would go for a drink the next day


Till the next day we was in constant contact text all day talking bout when we first got together and feeling and stuff. It was nice I almost forgotten about what happened and was looking forward to seeing her I was feeling them emotions again the emotions when you first fall in love the time where the other person is always on your mind wondering what they are doing and when your together your inseparable kissing cuddling stuff like that, we went for a drink it was really good all together we spent 3 days together doing different things drinking going out places the whole time holding hands or just touching another it was really nice after the 3days was over i went back to work and thought everything was fine with us i left her house that morning full of love i felt like a little *kid, we talked as much as we could that day every time i had a second of time free i was on my phone texting her. Everything was going fine for the rest of the day


The next day i didn't get a text of her so i simply text her asked if she was ok i got "yea" back could tell sonething was a bit fishy at this tine but decided to leave it and give it some time over the following days every time i attempt a conversation or ask to see her i get the cold shoulder the texts start getting smaller and more distant times apart I tried to bring this up in conversation but *every time I was shot down with I'm fine I didn't want to push it but I wasn't imagining these things *i new something was up she felt cold the way she was the days leading up to when she cheated, I had a feeling it had something to do with the ex he has been seen round plus she mentioned that the solicitor has been in contact, the next day I decided to ask her again what was wrong but this time I pushed for a answer, she finally have one i told her i knew it had something to do with him and i think she might have feeling for him her reply was*

" I'm trying my best to battle feelings I don't want. Don't fly off the handle at that either! Its not me saying I want him back, its just probably because of the time apart and that we have A baby together that's all probably"*

This immediately crushed me the word probably like she really didn't know, *i don't know what to do or say to her should o call it off or just wait and see what happens even as i write this we are drifting apart, I'm trying to write her a letter its always something we done when we needed to express but I don't know what to say or put. I am a firm believer in actions speak louder than words. But she has been avoiding me for days now what dose that say, I have to do this letter and figure out what I should do. I'm I beeing strung along and do I stay or go

Any help would be greatly appreciated

[BackUpOrGetStng]

DO NOT write a letter. Pussies write letters. Pussies are not attractive. Stop initiating contact, and start seeing other women openly. At some point, usually a few weeks to a few months, she'll wonder what's going on with you and why you haven't contacted her. Tell her you're seeing other women, but would be open to seeing her if she wants, but no contact otherwise.

[searock]

Send her a text telling her that it's over, because you are fed up of having to wait for her to "make up her mind" all the time. After that, go no contact and move on.

After all, the only positive things you've mentioned (several times) about her are her good looks, so it's not like it will be a huge loss or anything. I just feel sorry for the kid, but he's not your responsibility.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

^^The mature answer.

[distilled]

It always amazes me how females can do a 180 like that. Do.Not.Write.A.Letter. Seriously. I would avoid sending texts as well. You have to communicate what you're feeling and you just can't do that effectively with a letter or a text. So, man up and tell her how it is, either in person or over the phone. After that, cut her off.

[searock]

She doesn't deserve the pain of a heartfelt discussion of the OP's feelings. It would only make the both of them uncomfortable, and it would be pointless.

[distilled]

I guess I have a different point of view then. To me, a conversation just makes more of an impact than hiding behind texts or a letter. Of course its going to be uncomfortable but that's life. You're never going to grow if all you're doing is "comfortable".

[Shea]

Deep down I guess I'm looking for the H I stared dating at the start, but At the minute I just want answers a reson why. I asked her out right dose she want to be with me and she said "I don't know what I want but my feelings towards you haven't changed" it feels like there is more to the picture than what she is telling me but it all started when she started meeting the "ex" we are both in our late 20s but it feels like childish games,

[searock]

Shea, you need to tell her that you are done waiting for her. Whether by text or in person, do it and say goodbye.

distilled, as I said, it wouldn't just be uncomfortable, it would also be pointless, IMO. The only result would be to make them both uncomfortable.