Drama ending, need advice to stay sane(long)

[needadviceasap]

Hello all, I found this website and have been a religious reader since my breakup. I'm am mess and need some help. I decided to post and see if someone can make sense of my madness. Here it goes.

My girlfriend and I dated for 8 months. She was madly in love with me and I grew to be madly in love with her. She was my first love. For the last two months of our relationship all we did was fight though. She always claimed that I never listened to her and was never on her side. I feel guilty about that now. She was my first long term relationship and I learned alot. A little pschychological background of her is she has some anger issued from her childhood. She had a Jerry Springer type childhood of two addicted parents. Anyway I walked away from her twice, she would fight for me and within two days I would come back. She doesnt have alot of friends and everytime we would break up she would hang out with this guy who she is friends with but has a history with.

So this last time we tried to work things out and got in an argument, I didnt call her for a day and she was still calling me saying what a scumbag I was for not fighting for her and making everything better. Well the next day I go over her place with a card, chocolate and flowers to tell her how much i love her and she throws them at me saying she wants nothing from me. This is Friday. Later that night she tries to come over and have no strings attached sex with me, realizes i'm drunk and just passes out. She wakes up the next morning and just leaves.


Well the next day i call her and tell her how much i'm sorry and want to be with her. She tells me she has no feelings for me and its to late. She ends up going to the movies and sleeping over the guys house that night. On Sunday I go over there and literally start crying telling her how much she means to me and how much I love her. She tells me the same thing that its to late and she has no feelings for me. The next day was my birthday, she calls says happy birthday, she still cares for me, and what is meant to be will be. I say thank you and in my mind i know i have to start the no contact thing. Two days later she calls me telling me she missed me and shes confused. I say i miss you so much but what happened with that guy. Turns out the night of my birthday she went over his house and hooked up with him. CRUSHED, DEVASTATED.


She told me its not of my business that they hooked up b/c we aren't dating. Anyway two days later on Friday she calls me I dont pickup. She calls me 3 times on Saturday, so I call her back. We get in a huge fight, i say i cant be with you after you hooked up with him, and she starts going nuts on me saying stop crying over spilled milk and be a man, a bunch of harsh stuff. Says how much she hates me and how happy she is with this other guy. How she will laugh one day that she ever thought of marrying me. So i go and drop her belongings of to her and leave. Then on Sunday she literally calls me 30 times until I pickup and talk to her. We have another nasty converstion whre i say how much it devastated me what she did and she says she hates me. Then monday at work she emails me and says she never got to express her true feeling and something in her heart she wants to see me so bad. I email and say that I would love to be with you but dont think i can after what you did. On wednesday i'm missing her so much and stop by with a card and some stuff. That dude was over there for the night.


She told me I cant come over unexpected anymore and this isnt a good time. I asked her to ask him to leave and she said no, i cant control her life and she is happy with him. I left devastated. She emailed me the next day asking if i was alright. then she said you need to heal yourself and to do that we have to have no contact. We havent talked since then. I know she spends everynight with this guy. This how thing is killing me. Depressed, anxiety attacks. I drive by her place to see and that guy is there.


Everybody says give it time and she might come around. How to cope with no contact. I saw her in the gym and now i'm a mess again. Her friends say that she still cared about me but i hurt her greatly and she is comfortable with this guy. How can she care about me and sleep with him evernight. ADVICE AND HELP. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL COME BACK? ADVICE

[inkeepingsecret]

i would like to read all that, but jesus, you have to press enter every once in awhile. It looks like ia wall of text. Maybe i will try again later

[needadviceasap]

i would like to read all that, but jesus, you have to press enter every once in awhile. It looks like ia wall of text. Maybe i will try again later

Sorry about that. I put some spaces in to make it easier to read. please try again, i would love to know your opinion.

[inkeepingsecret]

thanks for the edit


First off, in my opinion, this guy is just a rebound. Initially, when she "hooked up" did she sleep with him? If she just made out or whatever, you guys were broken up, so you cant really hold that against her. I'm willing to bet she still has feelings for you. She may jsut want to piss you off a little. It seemed like she was giving you a chance by calling you over and over again, but what happened? fights fights fights - i mean fights dont mend anything

It kept on pushing her further away. I know that this is hard for you and all, but do you honestly think it will get any better? Did you ever try and take a moment, sit back, and really think about the situation. I know its easier said then done, when you are in love. When she was calling all those times, clearly it looks like she was unsure, but you threw the "hook up" back in her face, which pissed her off. It would piss me off too.

Do you even want her? Seriously, because if you did you would have thought about things and im sure you wouldnt have wanted to fight with her. Fighting is a no no if you want to ge someone back. Before, with the other break ups, you had the ball in your court. Now, she has it.

To be frank, im sure there are a combination of things that she is unhappy with. it looks like nothing was resolved, fighting continued, more of the same shiz. If i was her i wouldnt get back with you. (im a guy)

If you really want her back, if you really love her, i think YOU need to make some changes, and you need to somehow prove it too her. Be strong, be confident, be secure, dont fight with her, be understanding. If she ever lets you in again, (in which she may not) dont bring up anything that will result in a fight!!!

You have to decide if you will be able to forgive her. If not, move on. Im serious about this. If you choose to accept her, i really dont know if there is still a chance. The decision is you, but you have to decide. When you do, stick to it.


- woah, i was rambling-------scatterbrain!!!

[needadviceasap]

The "hook-up" was more than kissing. It was oral sex. And she has hooked up with this guy before i ever met her. I know i made that mistake about throwing it in her face, but I was so hurt. Do you really think that was the last straw. Our chemistry together was amazing. What are the chances of her leaving this rebound and giving it another shot? Plus, how do I cope with knowing that she is with this guy 24/7????? I need some more advice. Not over her at all, very much in love.

[Dibididamn]

pf.. U have it bad.
I think she doesn't know what she wants,
since you made it clear on your side and shes playing hot-cold & confused.
But it seems she's dumped you though in the end.

Can't think of some useful advice rite now.

Ps.. I hate these kind of guys taking advantage of these situations.
He needs a good ass kicking.

[cycletease]

I am more interested in the problems that lead to the breakup than with this other guy. Having a sustainable relationship with this girl depends more on how things were with you guys and what the problems were.

This relationship she is in will likely not last, but you do need to ask yourself if you can go back with her. It is likely that she was planning the hook-up with him. If that is the case then no amount of loving her will make it ok to be with her.

[needadviceasap]

cycletease,
what do you mean by she was planning the hook-up? She claims it just happened. If that is the case why do you say that it is not ok to be with her? Will this no contact space really make her want me again, or just make her fall in love with this other guy?

[inkeepingsecret]

oral sex? man o man, I dont think i could get past that, especially if it was only a few days after the split.

Again, do you honeslty want her back, and if so, do you think you could get past the "hook up?" Do you think you think things could go back to normal, and you can be ok with what she did? I know i couldnt, and man, i have been through this situation. It sucks, but in the end you will be ok. If you cant, you need to start recovering. We can help a little with that.

hang in there trooper

[needadviceasap]

inkeepingsecret:
she claims that she was getting over me after I told her that I didnt love her 5 weeks ago. Even though I reiterated that i did greatly and was sorry for saying it. Even though we were still dating she said that it wasnt a couple of days like i think, but more like a couple of weeks. still a couple of weeks is still very quick right????????????

[inkeepingsecret]

yeah i think so

the plot thickens!!!!!
If the one I loved told me that, all the sudden, didnt love me anymore, no matter what they said, i would be extremely hurt. How do you say sorry for saying you dont love someone? Hey GF, "sorry i DO love you"

Am i making any sense? I'm guessing you crushed her, and by seeing some other guy (rebound) could temporaily remove some of the pain?

Whether you guys were gonna be ok or not, im thinking you may have pushed her out the door. Sorry bro, but i think you dug your own grave with those few words. As to forgiving her, this is entirely up to you. I'm a little stumped in as to what you should or should not do, you are going to have to decide. Like most break ups, BOTH of you are at fault. People make mistakes, but i wonder who was more hurt by that remark??? hmmmmm