Do I confuse him?

[Kaetey]

Hey everyone,

I need some male perspective on this, please! :-)

So, I (26) met this bloke (28) when I was still married and my marriage was going down the drain. The first night we flirted a lot and I decided not to take it further or give him my number as. Thought I might still be able to save m marriage. The weekend after we met nondeliberately in the same bar and went home together. We got on really well and he kept saying things to me like it was really different spending time with me than with another girls he met before, but he was not exactly thrilled b the fact that I was married. The next day. Had t leave as m (then) husband kept calling, so that was rather awkward.

We then texted that same night on Facebook and decided to spend the weekend after together. He texted me drunk that Friday night, but then didn't respond all weekend meaning we didn't see each other.

My marriage then broke apart and my husband moved out for a while. I was on my own at the weekend (this was one or two weeks after we didn't see each other as planned) and saw he was online on Facebook so asked him what was happening. He said that he really wanted to see me again, but that he was too moral to see me as I was married. We then got a bit flirty again though and said that we should talk it through "over a coffee".

The next night I went out and was stupid enough to drink to much and lose my friends so I phoned him and told him I was paranoid on my own and if I could see him. He was very quickly knight in shining armour and left the club that he was in to see me at his place.

Then i went through a bit of a mental period for 2 or 3 weeks and drank too much too often and got not a habit of drunk texting him which made me look like some mental cow and thought he wouldn't want to see me again. It was his birthday a couple of weeks later though and I said happy birthday on Facebook and one thing led to another and I ended up n his bed again.

Then we were in touch on Facebook sporadically, but it was always myself who had to initiate the contact! By then he knew my marriage was over and that I had moved out. A few weeks afte his birthday I drunk text him again and asked if he wanted to hook up and he seems to never respond to my drunk texts, but the evening after. So he did and we decided to meet later. But then he cancelled on me last minute and I got a bit bitchy with him over it.

Well, all in all I have only really seen this guy 4 times in 3 months but it feels like there has been a lot happening between us. Now, our last meeting was particularly confusing: it was 2 weeks ago now and again he responded a day late to a drunk text. It was different this time though as he didn't waffle loads before he asked if I wanted to come around which I did. Then the sex was awesome!!!! Much better than before, really sensual. We kissed and he had some music on and looked me in the eyes in a really sort of intimate way like he's never done before. Oh, and I told him that evening that I thought about moving to another country. Funnily enough his dad is moving to the same city, so he said straight away that he wants to keep seeing me there.
Well, but his kind of more caring behaviour really confused me and I really wanted to cuddle and kiss him, but I wasn't sure if this is what we were doing!? So, I might have come across as a bit cold maybe....and then he went to sleep a little later than me, but never touched me or cuddled me or anything.....

Then the next day I texted him and he texted back straight away saying that he enjoyed seeing me and that he thought we had a connection (something I would have never thought he would say) and he texted me when he got home supposedly because he wanted to hook up!? But is was already asleep. Anyway, again first time that he ever texted two nights in a row!

He then went away for business for a week and I said to him to get in touch when he's back as we both texted that we thought we should see each other again :-) the last text was me saying to him to let me knw when hes back and when he wants to catch up. well, he's already been back for over a week now and I was really hoping that he would text first this time around. But then I'm thinking he might be as confused as I am about where we stand!? Because we met and liked each other, but then there was my relationship status. The kept sleeping together, but never really dated or anything. I am really really really confused and think he might be, too. But then again he might just not be that interested and. Am seeing things that are not there!? Btw, I don't think he is very much the sleeping around type of guy....but then I cannot be sure. We are both quite attractive and party a lot, but his sex drive doesn't seem to be as high as mine I think sometimes.

Well, I just really wanted to hear what a male would have to say about this and whether I should text hm (as i Would like to see him again and also more often!!) or if there's no point?

Thanks for reading the long text and for your responses! Really looking forward to hearing what the male world has to say about me and mr never text first!! :-)

[Sixpacj]

Hm.. my initial reaction would be you should stop drinking that much and drunk texting... have you ever talked on the phone or do you just text...? You basically relate to each other using FB posts and drunk texting?

You saw each other 4 times over 3 months? And hooked up pretty much every time? If what you want is a relationship with him, this doesn't look good, IMHO... BTW, are you sure you know what it is that you really want at this stage in your life, and more specifically, what you want from him?

By the looks of things, I don't think this thing will progress beyond sex, but who knows...

[Kaetey]

Hey,

Thanks for your reply!!

I do realise that it has only ever been about sex...yes we hooked up every time we have seen each other and yes, most times it has been drunk.

I was going through a bad phase of drinking after my marriage broke up, but this has settled now.

So, last time was a little bit different. We weren't drunk, he looked at me in a different way, our sex was different, he texted back the very next day and said "we had a connection" and said he really wanted to see me again.

Now he's been back for over a week and I really thought it would be different this time and that he would text first, but nothing so far :-(

I wouldn't mind if it was just sex, but I just want more clarity on it. I will probably only stay in the country until the end of the year, so don't really want to fall in love anyway.

Do you think I should ask him about what we are or should I just accept that I'm the always the one intimating contact and that there will never be more than sex once a month? Because I wouldn't mind it twice a month and maybe a cuddle afterwards....

Ps I did have his number, but he lost his phone and changed it. I never asked him for the new number as it felt weird and. Thought he should want to give it to me....so, all conversation is mainly facebook, so like messaging rather than speaking.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you're leaving the country at the end of the year anyway, then treat it as hot sex until you move, and leave it at that. Jumping from a marriage to another long term relationship is a dumb idea. Dumb.

[berg101]

It sounds like neither of you know what's going on - why didn't you just ask him for his new number? He may not have given it to you because you quite simply didn't ask for it - some people are like that. If you want to know where you stand then why don't you just ask him?! If you aren't bother about just having him as a **** buddy and forgetting about all the serious relationship stuff then just tell him that - at least that way you will both know what's going on and what to expect out of your 'thing'.

Hope that helps.