found disturbing pictures

[quietcrazy]

Hey, everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for about two months now and we're doing well so far, even though we're still in the honeymoon phase. I have a big problem though. First off, I should admit that I was doing something that I shouldn't have been doing and that is looking through his documents on his computer while he is out of town for a few days (he asked me to look after his cats) taking care of his sister (she's 5 months pregnant and has been in and out of the hospital). I know it was wrong of me to do and I really, REALLY wish I hadn't because I came across some pictures that are very disturbing to me.

I found a picture of a naked girl on his bed. I have no idea who this girl is, if she's an ex or a short fling, I have no idea, but it makes me sick to my stomach. I saw he uploaded the picture on his computer earlier in the year, well before we even met so I don't think it's a girl on the side. He does not come off as that type of guy at all, and I have been with some sleazy assholes in my time (please excuse my French).

I have been treated very badly by men before, as in the rebound girl more times than I care to count or the one night stand, and I have also been that girl that has grown very attached to a guy because he made me believe that I meant something to him and then he would throw me away like a bag of garbage without saying a thing and let me tell you, that was extremely painful for me.

I guess my point in saying all this is that I am a very sensitive and very insecure girl who just wants a guy to love her and my current boyfriend shows great potential as someone I can see myself spending a huge chunk of my life with. I don't know how to deal with this though. He has never wronged me and has been a huge breath of fresh air. I don't know if he's moved on from his ex girlfriends though. I know he's very sensitive and can have a hard time letting go.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can cope with this and just move on already? I want things to work with him very badly. Sorry for the long post.

[lizzy-bet]

I know I'll be the only one with this suggestion, but I'll say it anyway. Just continue to keep tabs on him, but without hard core spying on the guy. Maybe every few weeks go through and see if there are things that are amiss. There is nothing that drives a man away faster than an insecure woman, so unless there is real evidence of something going on forget everything you have seen. From what you have said in your post it sounds like he just hasn't deleted his email. I have always gone through my husband's fb messages and email, and even things I dislike I leave alone because it's his personal business. I only bring things up if they are huge red flags, and through out the years there have been some and I dealt with them accordingly. Do what you have to do to be happy, but know that especially this early in the game, snooping could quickly end your happy relationship.

[Blondi3]

I really wouldn't worry. Did you find his porno stash anywhere in your snooping? Because that's what I would treat that photo as - nothing more serious than if you'd found a playboy stuffed behind the night stand. I disagree with Lizzy-bet - you get into the habit of regular 'checking up' or snooping, your just going to feed your own paranoia and worse if you get caught risk the relationship. As you've admitted, your sensitive because you've been hurt before. You've said that this man makes you happy and has done nothing to arouse your suspicions. Don't create a problem and sabotage something great - don't let your past experience mess up your future. What I would say is think about is talking to him - don't admit to snooping, that's going to be hard to spin well and their ain't nothing to end a honeymoon period faster than a blatant invasion of privacy - but don't let yourself dwell on worries, just talk to him about them and maybe look into ways of dealing with what you've been through with other men - talk to your girlfriends or even a counsellor. Get yourself over what happened to you with those sleazes and you'll find it easier to enjoy what you have.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Do not keep tabs on him. You're a bitch for snooping with no reason, and you got what you deserved. Now learn your lesson(don't snoop, without a damn good reason), and shut the **** up.

[quietcrazy]

Thanks guys. I think I'll be cautious about how I handle it. I don't think I can talk to him without admitting I snooped around. I know that was wrong and stupid of me. I'm not going to talk to him about it, but I will pay more attention to him; not as in more snooping, but just when we go out, his body language, tone of voice how he talks to me and what he talks to me about. I don't want to risk sabotaging something wonderful. I know it's not an easy thing to come along and I simply cannot handle another heartbreak. Blondi, I think I'm going to take your advice by treating it as porn and nothing more. Maybe talk to a girlfriend about it and see what she says.

[Boisdevie]

I'm not going to talk to him about it, but I will pay more attention to him; not as in more snooping, but just when we go out, his body language, tone of voice how he talks to me and what he talks to me about. I don't want to risk sabotaging something wonderful.

You'll kill the relationship because of your paranoia. If my GF snooped on me like the OP and LIzzyBet suggest she would be my EX pretty bloody quick. Note to lizzybet - I pity your poor husband and your shitty marriage. Keeping tabs on him? Bet he just loves that.

[quietcrazy]

Boisdevie, I know I'm paranoid. I'm not the most level headed person, but I know I'm not quite right in the head. It's a bitch to live with but I've learned to manage a little bit so far. I'll work on keeping it under better control though. You're kind of a dickhead, but at least you know what you're talking about. You have my respect for that, for what it's worth, if anything.

[VincenzoG91]

The picture isn't a problem, since you seem certain that it's from before your relationship started. He's allowed to have a past. The problem is that your insecurity is sabotaging the quality of your life. It has caused you problems in past relationships and it will ruin this one if you let it. Consider talking this over with somebody who might help. A psychiatrist, a priest, a help line worker.

[Lovethesun]

You have no proof that the picture was taken while he was with you. You have no argument whatsoever.
Guys are visual creatures and some of them like to hang on to sexy reminders of their past. He will only resent you for snooping through his things. How would you like it if he went through your personal things without your permission?

Just let it go and don't bring it up.

[smackie9]

Pretend you didn't see a thing and stop being paranoid. There's something to say about a person who has an extreme run of bad luck with guys. It might not be the guys to blame but it lies within you. Jealousy, neediness and being desparate can make guys turn and run. You better do a reality check on yourself and not your BF.

[HeartIsAching]

What' disturbing about it? That fact that he has a past? Ever consider that if you found him attractive, someone else has too? Ever consider that she's not in his life now for a reason?

What's really disturbing is your lack of respect for his privacy, and your insecurity that fuels it. Just FYI, that's a REALLY good way to turn him into an ex.

[lizzy-bet]

You'll kill the relationship because of your paranoia. If my GF snooped on me like the OP and LIzzyBet suggest she would be my EX pretty bloody quick. Note to lizzybet - I pity your poor husband and your shitty marriage. Keeping tabs on him? Bet he just loves that.

He would hate it if he knew, but he doesn't have a clue. I know he's looked through my stuff from time to time, I could care less, I've got nothing to hide.

[smackie9]

He would hate it if he knew, but he doesn't have a clue. I know he's looked through my stuff from time to time, I could care less, I've got nothing to hide.

wow you both need a talking to about that. There is no trust between you two.

[InYourFACE]

just confront him. its better to find out early if he is cheating then to find out after years.

[Maple1714]

He would hate it if he knew, but he doesn't have a clue. I know he's looked through my stuff from time to time, I could care less, I've got nothing to hide.

So you snooped...oh well. Men cheat and women snoop. It's not right...either of the 2 but whatever. My current BF is the 1st guy I have never thought (I said thought here) about snooping on...I trust him and that is why I feel no need to look through his stuff. Do not tell this guy you snooped...just let it go and try not to let your insecurities from past relationships ruin this one. If you find yourself snooping again b/c you are paranoid then you need to sit down and talk with this guy and get some reassurance. A naked picture of another woman is ok....doesn't mean anything.