What is the right way to ditch a guy?

[Blondi3]

Ok - little advice please boys. A few weeks ago I was set up on a blind date. We got on really well - he was a nice guy and we had a good laugh together - problem was I didn't fancy him. Not even a little bit. And if I had any doubts on that subject, they were removed at the end of the night when he kissed me. It was not enjoyable and the fact that he wouldn't let it end even when I pulled away - yeah it was just not good.

Anyway, he made it very clear that he was keen on me - I got a text the next day, an email the next night, and so on. At first I just tried to be non-committal, then ignored him, but he didn't take the hint so I wrote him what I thought was a very honest, upfront email - 'thank you for a lovely afternoon, I'd like to be friends but I'm afraid I'm not attracted to you so that's all it would be.' He seemed to take it well. Everything went quite for a couple of weeks - there was the odd text but it was always jokey, nothing pushy.

Then one time he texted me and he was just around the corner from where I worked. We met for coffee. It was incredibly awkward. He barely talked - just kept asking me about me and giving me compliments and staring at me with wide eyes. It was so weird that I virtually downed my drink to get out of there. Then when he walked me to the bus he forced another kiss - forced as in I thought he was going in for a hug only to have his tongue forcing my lips open and when I tried to pull away he grabbed me back not once, but twice to do the same. It was actually so horrible I nearly gagged. Got to admit that pretty much all good memories of this guy have been destroyed by the way my stomach turns when I think about that kiss.

But now we're back at square one - since coffee day - which was 3 days ago - I've recieved 10 texts and 3 emails. All quite nice and non pushy but lesson learned. So what do I do about this guy? Ok so he's over-zealous and a bit desperate - but he is a nice guy at heart. I don't want to be the bitch that just cuts him off, but I have no idea what to say to him and I certainly don't EVER want that tongue coming near me again. So gents - what's the decent thing to do here?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell him not to text you anymore, and you will not be answering if he does. Then..don't answer.

[Cerby]

Don't be silly, don't offer friendship. Giving someone hope is more cruel than a brutal rejection. Tell him you're not interested and you don't want to talk to him anymore. Like BackUp said, but with a little more of a direct approach.

[IndiReloaded]

So guys, is there a classy way to tell a guy you aren't interested? Seems that the softer approach

"Look, you are a great guy, but I'm just not interested in a relationship with you."

Doesn't always work. Why is that?

[Cerby]

Soft approach doesn't work, we're stupid and persistent. In order to make sure we stop, it needs to be direct with a hint of bitch. This will make most of us go away.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Being direct is classy. Why don't you think it's classy to say, I don't wish to speak to you anymore?

[Maple1714]

Ewww gross...you should have slapped him and pushed him away when he put his tongue in your mouth. Sooo gross. There is nothing more repulsive to me than a guy who likes me, who I have 0 attraction for....
He seems like a psycho with all the texts and kissing...I would stay away from him and never respond to any texts or emails.

[smackie9]

Wow really GF? You are all grown up now, just send him a message "Sorry but I'm not interested in a second date. best of luck to you." Direct, polite send off.


Tip: you do not have to explain yourself, or try to pasify the rejection. Plain and simple works best.

[bulrush]

Just tell him he's not the right guy for you and you will be seeing other people, and not him. If he won't take a hint, it's time to be more direct.

At first I just tried to be non-committal,

That's not clear communication as some girls like to play hard to get.

then ignored him,

Not clear communication, you could have been busy. Look at the situation from his eyes.

but he didn't take the hint so I wrote him what I thought was a very honest, upfront email - 'thank you for a lovely afternoon, I'd like to be friends but I'm afraid I'm not attracted to you so that's all it would be.'

Well, this is clear communication, so he's not getting it. So ask him to stop contacting you as you don't want to date him.

[smackie9]

Offering friendship is still leaving the door open for a possibility later. Just him out completely and don't feel guilty for doing it....it's part of dating, you win some you lose some.

[IndiReloaded]

Why don't you think it's classy to say, I don't wish to speak to you anymore?

That particular wording sounds pretentious, IMO. I think for direct I would tend to something more like "Thank you (b/c they did make the effort to connect), but I'm simply not interested."