Letting go after great relationship

[snowbird268]

You really think letting go and remaining hopeful are not mutually exclusive? how do you logic that? (in no way supposed to be sarcastic, I'm just down and at a lost for words)

[snowbird268]

Yeah i'm thinking along your lines Jcowap. As long as I feel hopeful, that gets in the way of my healing.

[jcowap]

I re-added my ex on facebook and saw she was having the time of her life with her mates and doesnt want/need me or any guy right now. This is how i realised theres no chance of her coming back and it did help a lot although it was sad to see.

If that hadn't of happened i think id still be holding on to hope.

It is hard to accept because of how great your relationship is!

Your relationship is only just over and its far from surprising your finding it hard! The 2 months N/C is a great idea though but it has go be strict N/C! Checking her social network page is breaking the N/C!
I think if id of done the same as you id be healing quicker however i stupidly went N/C then broke that and got back in contact thinking maybe the dust had settled, she had missed me and her head was clearer. It didnt work.

You know yourself you willl feel better in time as time is the biggest healer. I just think you need to see how you feel after 2 months as this is what you both agreed on

[IndiReloaded]

Yeah i'm thinking along your lines Jcowap. As long as I feel hopeful, that gets in the way of my healing.

Do what works for you. I suppose I mean more acceptance than what you would call 'hope'. For now, you are probably best to just go NC until you can view things with a bit more detachment.

[angelsnairwaves]

snowbird- it simply is unfair of her to "lead you on". even if she meant that there might actually be hope- it's not fair to dump you then leave you hanging on. and yes- letting go and holding on- they are incompatible. the best solution for you would probably be to move on as best as you can- focus on YOUR dreams- might as well- she's focusing on hers, right? focus on yourself and your life and see how you feel in two months. what does it mean if she can live without you? if she can let the relationship go? you have to wonder about those things. if she can do that, is it worth it to hold on to hope only to be possibly crushed two months down the road- AGAIN? she is thinking about herself so do yourself a favor and do the same: think about YOURSELF and what's in YOUR best interests. if she comes around, GREAT. even if you have started moving on, those feelings can come back. but if she doesn't change her mind, you'll be okay because you've already gone through all the emotions. just don't set yourself up for disappointment.

i've been led on before, strung along and given false hope- i waited for my ex for NINE months. got me NOWHERE. can you imagine the anger i felt? take my word for it and dont do that to yourself.

[IndiReloaded]

You people are so binary in how you think about things. She let him go in a completely classy way, with minimal hurt. More people could lean to end relationships this way.

[HeartIsAching]

I don't know Indi... she did leave him with the impression that things might change. She did this by not using honest and direct communications.

Personally I think a lot of people would learn better relationship skills if they were told the REAL reason they were being broken up with. I'll give you a f'r instance:

My son broke up with a short-term GF he had a couple of months ago. I knew why he did it, and I thought his reason was perfectly reasonable, but he didn't tell her. She won't learn anything from her ill behavior and will do it again. Basically, she was constantly around for days, and when she was gone, she would send him text after text, bugging him about his whereabouts and activities, and if he didn't answer (which he started doing because she was getting annoying), she'd start calling, over and over. She even started calling his friends to try to get them to get to my son. He couldn't go over to a friends house and hang out for an hour without getting a dozen texts and phone calls.

[snowbird268]

You all have good points. Perhaps I will bring this to her attention as well so it will help with her growth, as it is her first relationship too. That is up to her, of course.
angel, you have a good point of leading me on. Even though it might have been the truth. She wanted to keep her possibilities open, or she didn't want to hurt me more. You're right as well in that I should focus on my self and concentrate on my own growth. Also that I shouldn't wait for her because there is a possibility. It will lead to disappointment.
indi, she did let me down in the easiest way possible, which I am grateful of. I'm working on accepting what has happened and moving on.
heartisaching, I believe she is telling the truth when she told me that 'I can't guarantee we will work out in the future'. From what I know of her, she is a very honest person. But even honest words can lead people on.
Update: I'm dealing with this better than I have before. I'm remembering the things that she didn't do so well in the relationship. For instance, not being able to talk about touchy subjects, i felt like I was left out in some personal problems. She also didn't put as much effort into the relationship as I did, especially at the end. I was ready to bleed and fight for it. Now that I think about it, it might even be possible for her to be with someone and pursue her dreams. But I guess she was thinking about graduate school and not sure where to go for that.
anyways, I saw her yesterday at school in the hallways. She didn't see me, and was walking too fast for me to catch up. She seemed cautious, similar to how I am, in case she saw me in the halls. That instance told me a lot, that she is going through similar things and the break up is hard on her too. I still think about her all the time and I'm pretty sure its the same case for her. I still love her and care for her.

[lylufy]

I like your GF. I see that she is a strong women.
She don't want to live a normal life in the future and she will not accept anything her.
Both of you was have alot of happiness time, that mean you did have her true love. So, grateful all.
Now, you shouldn't hope any choice in the future because no one can sure about the future not except her.
I believe there still have a hope that : Improve you more to become her expected man in the future.
If I were her, I also want my new guy will be successful like me !
Gook luck !

[dreamalittle_89]

keep the good memories with you. however, let it go and perhaps your can remain as good friends. it might juz turn out equally well..

[snowbird268]

Heres an update guys. My ex and I bumped into each other and sat down for a pretty productive discussion about a month into our NC. I told her that I still had feelings for her, but she replied that she didn't have any for me. She also said that she doesn't see us getting back together in the future because we're incompatible. I wish we talked about these things in the past. She might be saying these things to help me get over her, but the message is pretty clear, I need to get over her and move on.
So this love story has come to a bitter end. But I feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I dont have to carry around the burden of holding on anymore. I still admire my ex because I think she's a great person. I will still care for her and be a good friend to her.
Who knows what will happen in the future? Maybe we will still be together. But I'm not expecting for that to happen.
I hope my example will help others move on as well. If I can let go of someone so important to me, someone who I have so many feelings for, then you can too.