Girlfriends Ex, Problem.

[soziblewuup]

Hi guys/girls,

My girlfriend won't let our relationship be public because of her ex. She hasn't told him we're dating because she thinks it will hurt him, and they're still friends. I have tried to tell her a couple of times she needs to tell him so we can move on but she won't listen, she's scared he will explode because I lived with her in a flat when they were going out. We met in the flat looking for somewhere to stay for work reasons.
She also see's her ex as they are still friends and they talk a lot.

Currently we have moved out due to a change of work circumstances and we now see each other for only one day, every two weeks.

We are about 4 months into the relationship and she doesn't know this but I'm getting kinda depressed about it. I think it is kind of a mixture of that I don't live with her anymore and I kinda feel like her secret. However we are great when we are together.

What i'm trying to ask is, what can i do to make her listen about this situation, and how do you deal with being in a long distance relationship?

Sorry if that was a bit long, any feedback is welcome, thanks.

[smackie9]

Give her an ultimatum. Either she cuts off contact with him and move on or you can no longer do this.


I personally feel she is still seeing him.....you better get your act together.

[soziblewuup]

Thanks for the response, appreciate it.

I 100% know she isn't seeing him so that's not an issue, but ye I understand about the ultimatum. Definitely something to consider.

[smackie9]

The reason why I say that is, because really she has no other reason to stay friends with him, and to keep you a "secret".

[soziblewuup]

There is other circumstances surrounding that though that I should mention. She has a really close friendship group (about 6 of them) and they do a lot together. Her ex is in that so effectively by outing that she left him for me (they know me quite well), she fears it will cause problems. I can understand where she's coming from, but at the same time if we are going to move on it's a necessary step.

I think the way she sees it currently in her head, is she gets her friends and me this way, and by outing it she could lose some of her friends.

So as you can see it's not a still seeing him situation, it's more about upsetting a friendship group she's had for years.

[smackie9]

She is just going to have to step it up. It is stupid shit. They are not dating anymore so it is expected to find new partners sometime or another....possibly she is waiting for him to announce he has a GF.

[soziblewuup]

Exactly how i feel. Ye that's a possibility.
Thanks for your responses.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't give an ultimatum. It's silly to say, do this or I'm leaving. Make it clear with your actions. Tell her you want to break up because you feel like a secret. You should be serious about it. If she's not okay with being open with her friends, or putting it on facebook(silly but common), or whatever it is that makes you comfortable, drop her.

[mrFrog]

I don't know how you can live with this relationship for 4 months. Your lady doesn't appriciate your relationship at all. She care about the feelings of her ex than yours. IMO you should break up.

[smackie9]

Don't give an ultimatum. It's silly to say, do this or I'm leaving. Make it clear with your actions. Tell her you want to break up because you feel like a secret. You should be serious about it. If she's not okay with being open with her friends, or putting it on facebook(silly but common), or whatever it is that makes you comfortable, drop her.

Ultimatum or a threat....it's pretty much the same.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't really see what I said to do as an ultimatum or a threat. It's stating a relationship boundary, and he should truly be willing to leave if she won't oblige something this simple.