Help me please.

[madridista]

I'll just start from the top. Last fall I met a boy in one of my classes and at the end of the semester he asked me out and we started dating. Prior to
him asking me out I told him to make sure of what he was getting into. All my life I've kind of been driven and I have this mentality that I don't date
because I don't want to settle, so I made it hard for myself to fall for people. This guy was my first boyfriend.

At the beginning everything was fun and great. This guy is really different than me. I'm really studious and while he's not an idiot, he certainly doesn't hold school as high as I do. I'm kind of a recluse too. I still live at home even though I wish I didn't but the fact of the matter is that even with my two jobs I don't have enough money to live on my own. He lives his life well, as in he hangs out with his friends a lot. They go to a lot of electronic music concerts and it's just their thing - they're always together. I've had the same friends since 6th grade but we've kind of drifted in recent years. Most of my friends are in serious relationships so I hardly spend time with them. Actually I never see them.

So we started dating in December and in March we decided to take a break. I hurt him in a sense. He felt like he couldn't connect with me, I always
had my wall up. I was scared of getting attached. I was scared of settling and in some ways he was kind of clingy. I let him know the best way I could without being mean. We spent a week apart and then we got back together. For the next five months we had a lot of disagreements, mostly about sex. He felt like it was something natural and he also felt bad for seemingly pressuring me but he told me it was something he was looking for in a relationship. We were both virgins. I stopped being religious a few years ago but I don't know, I never saw myself as the type of person to have sex without being married, and at the same time I'm not even all that sure that I ever want to get married so eventually I thought why not? I didn't do it in the time between March and August though because the thing is that I think having sex is okay if you're in love. And I was in love but we just had issues. I felt like a breakup was always hovering over us and I didn't want to commit myself like that if it was going to end. It was like a huge circle. He felt disconnected from me because we weren't having sex and I wanted to have sex with him but I was afraid he was going to leave me afterwards.

Anyway August came around. On the ninth of August we had a deep conversation. In it he told me that he loved me and all but that he wanted to experience things in this part of his life that he wouldn't be able to experience if he was with me. Those things included having casual sex with a lot of women. Like I said before he goes to a lot of edm concerts and he and his friends are on ecstasy during. He told me that he was getting scared of cheating on me because he just really wants to have sexual encounters at these events. He made it clear to me that he hadn't cheated on me and that there was no one else. The girls he wanted he didn't know yet - he didn't want a relationship with them he just wanted an encounter with no strings attached. The next day I broke up with him. I felt like I owed it to myself to not be someone's option - I felt like a person should know if they want me and of course only want me. It was hard but I did it.

That night was the worst. I was awake and I was just devastated. I couldn't sleep or eat or do anything. At six in the morning the next day he texted me that he needed to talk. I called right away of course. Apparently he'd been out the whole night before with two friends and some guys followed them home. They smashed his car windows and broke into his house and basically jumped him and his friends. Naturally I went over to his place to make sure he was okay. I was feeling guilty because if I hadn't broken up with him he wouldn't have gone out and his life wouldn't have been endangered. I got there and we hugged and I let him talk and I comforted him because he was feeling scared. When I got him to sleep I just waited. Eventually he woke up and one thing led to another. We made out, just that. I told him my feelings about sex. About how I knew I was ready but that I wanted to make sure I was in a steady relationship. I told him that I wasn't asking for forever or even for a year but just some more time.

A few days later we got back together again. And a few days after that I decided it was time. I started sleeping with him and honestly I don't regret it. It was one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. For once I felt that I wanted to be with somebody. I liked it. It was nice to have somebody.

But about a month later he sat down to have a talk with me. He told me that the feeling of wanting to sleep with others hadn't gone away like he had hoped. He told me that he thought calling it quits was the best for both of us because he didn't want to get to the point where he cheated on me. He didn't want to keep me going along and get more hurt than I would be then. He told me that he was sorry but that he didn't feel as strong for me as he had when our relationship started. He said that after I had asked him to tone it down he had done so so much that even when he noticed my feelings for him started to get stronger he was never able to feel the same for me. He told me that I needed time. That I would eventually get over him and find someone else. He told me to not be so closed up anymore, to not be afraid to feel. He said everyday would get easier.

Naturally I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. I asked him to tell me that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore, just to tell it to me straight out. He did. With that I realized that I loved him and because I loved him I couldn't make him stay if he wanted to go. So I left. The first week was really hard. I was feeling all sorts of sadness mixed with anger and jealousy at the thought of him sleeping with someone else. I went out that weekend and my friends made me put up a picture on fb. I was feeling bad about it the next day so I messaged him that I hoped we could be friends soon. He messaged me back the next day saying that he'd like that but that he couldn't just yet because he was having a hard time, but that seeing me out and about made him happy for me even though he felt a little jealous at the thought of me with someone else.

I went to his apartment. Maybe that was stupid. It just sounded to me like he had feelings for me which he said of course he did. I told him that it didn't make sense to me that he didn't want to be with me if he had feelings for me. He looked pretty bad. He said he'd been drinking every morning when he woke up and then smoking a lot of pot to sleep. I guess that's why I got my hopes up a bit. In my head I thought we had a chance to get back together. And it was stupid but we had sex. I told myself it was a goodbye. And I didn't linger on it.

But over the next two weeks, man I just haven't stopped thinking about him! I've just felt sooooo lonely. And I'm feeling down because none of my friends have come to see me in person. I've talked to them on the phone but I haven't actually cried with someone. I can't sleep and I can't eat. I can't get it together. I feel like I'm going to fail out of school. He's just everywhere. On every bench and at every corner. I can't stop thinking about him.

We hung out yesterday. We got a little high and I started to talk to him. I told him that if he need sometime to figure out whether he wanted me or casual sex I could give him some time because I cared about us and I didn't want to just throw us away. And he made it clear to me. He finds me attractive, he gets an ounce of jealousy over the thought of me with someone else but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me or anyone else. He told me that he loves of have sex with me but that he wouldn't ask that kind of relationship (FWB) of me because he knows I see sex as an act of love instead of just sex.

I'm really grateful because really he's a nice guy. All of this hanging out has been initiated by me, he hasn't led me on at all. We have agreed now to spend at least tow months with absolutely no contact so that I can get over him.

He felt bad that I have been dealing with this all by myself, he recommended that I get some new friends because he said that it was his friends that helped him not get too depressed about our breakup. He said that they've been with him everyday and that it's not that he forgot me so easily because I wasn't anything but that he just didn't have the time to think about me. He said his friends made sure of that and that I have to find some friends that will do the same for me.

I know it's over. I know I can't have him. I'm just so lonely. And I'm just so sad. I don't know how to make that go away. I don't know who to turn to. I want to get over him because I don't want to feel like this anymore but I don't know what to do. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of wishing things were different. I want to accept them as they are and move on. I don't want to forget him, I just want to get to the point where he's a happy memory. And I want to be his friend someday. He's an important person for me. He showed me that I can love and that being with someone is amazing and not a sign of weakness and settling. I just miss him. I miss him a lot. And I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of crying. Somebody please give me some advice.

[crispyysoup]

give it a lot of time. follow the two months NC, this includes not checking any social media or status updates in facebook or etc. don't read past messages, emails or looking at pictures. find a hobby or several activities, keep really busy, work on yourself to be better. everything will be alright...

talking to people close to you and making new friends also helps

try not to think about the memories you had, slap yourself in the face if you find yourself doing it. i know it's easier said than done, especially since I'm going through a recent breakup myself and I can't get my ex out of my head. but I remain hopeful that one day I will be at the state of serenity once again without her in my life

[madridista]

Thank you so much.

It's crazy. I went through a roller coaster of emotions yesterday but I'm feeling really good right now.

For anyone who might read this that is going through a similar situation, let me give you a little something that's making me feel better.

When another person tells you that they're not into you anymore, walk away. They're doing you a favor by letting you know. Don't waste anymore time. I'm realizing now that I've wasted a good month sobbing over someone who just isn't into me anymore. That's not a crime.

I'm sure I'm going to feel a lot more feelings in the coming days and weeks but I'm feeling well.

So yes thank you so much for replying. Good luck to you too!