Is my girlfriend cheating?

[Gooner66]

Hi All

Feeling quite low..

We have been together for juston 3 years now. We met at a works do and things went from there. When we first met we were very passionate and our sex life was extremely healthy indeed. We were always affectionate towards each other (lots of kissing, snuggling in bed, snuggling on sofa, her grabbing my bum, touching and feeling each other all the time). We loved doing differenct things, like cinema, theatre and extensive travel. Our last trip (Jun 2012) was a road trip to US...one that we both enjoyed immensely.

As our relationship has, on reflection, taken what I would call the 'usual' path. Lots of sex initially, calming down as our relationship has progressed (its still good though!!), growing affection, saying 'I love you' for the first time, lots of loving and affectionate (and sexy) texts, and finally moving in together. We have even discussed buying a property together.

In the past 6 months we have moved into a larger property, with a garden, more rooms and really lovely neighbours. My Girlfriend was really excited about moving in and once we had bought a dining room table, she got even more excited because we could have our friends round for the first time!! (we lived in a small apartment before). About 4 months ago, her father split up from his wife after she had been caught having an affair. He had nowhere else to go, so my girlfriend asked if he could move in with us. I knew this would impact upon our relationship, but how could I refuse? Its her father after all. So I agreed.

Since he has moved in, the sex has become pretty sparce. She has stated that she does not feel comfortable having sex while he is in the house. We all work shifts so our quality time together, that was already at a premium, has become even more challenging now. There doesnt seem to be much time where he is not in the house or when we are alone in the house. I must also point out that we have not had sex in 3 months.

Anyway, things were going ok until about 5 weeks ago. I got a text from her saying 'out of the blue I know, but I am going to go out tonight with my friends, who I have not seen in 4 years' (they had an arguement and fell out of touch). Nothing wrong with that I thought and I was on night duty anyway so, no problems. At about 1am, I got a phone call from her saying that she 'is going to stay round her friends house, and he will bring me back in the morning'. I stated that I was not happy about this, whereupon she tried to justify it by saying that her friends was gay (this has since been substantiated). Still, an odd request so I refused. She was at home when I returned from my night shift at 4am.

Since then, she has been a little 'distracted'. I have questioned her on it and she stated that she felt like she was walking on egg shells as I have been moody and sharp with her over the past couple of weeks, so that has made me feel just wanting to keep to myself and do my own thing. I asked her for examples (which she provided as all women can I think..!!). She was right...there had been a couple of occasions where I had been snappy with her in front of her father (and this was because I felt that he has overstepped the mark regarding decisions in the house - a caveman male thing I think - and I took it out on her). I readily admitted that she was right and apologised for making her feel crap. She accepted and we moved on; or so I thought.

For a week after, I noticed that she was still distracted and that her affection towards me had changed. Gone were the kisses, snuggling and grabbing of bums..replaced with the 'odd' holding of hands on the sofa. I let this go, but it did make me feel down. Later that week, she stated that she was going out with her friends again. This time, I was left at home, but still didnt object as that would have caused more tension. She came back at 2.30am and was hungover all the next day. She had assured me that her going out with her friends 'all of a sudden' is nothing to do with her wanting her single life back, she justs wants the social aspect with her friends.

So, the next week we havent seen each other all week because we were working opposite shifts - until the Friday - we were both off. On Wednesday of that week I got a text from her saying that she was going out with some friends at work as one of them was leaving. I had planned to take her out, but again didnt object as I felt that she had made a 'choice' to go out with her friends instead of wanting to do something with me. This made me feel pretty bad and very low to be honest, which in turn made me feel a bit moody: Vicious circle!! She went out at 3pm..and eventually got in at 3am. Her father even commented to me that he wasnt very happy with her being out that long as she had work the next day. I believe he gave her a bit of a 'talking to' on the phone whilst she was out. She came home and I offered to make her a cup of tea and something to eat. Not in a particular good mood she just said she wanted to go to bed. So to bed we went.

Since these outings with her friends, especially the last one, I have noticed several things:
1. Her affection towards me is almost now non-existant
2. We have no sex, and she has stated that she doesnt want to have sex 'for the sake of it' she says she want to have sex because she wants to. My moods and snappy behaviour are the cause of that apparently
3. She has her cell with her all the time. I mean even when she takes a bath or shower. Before, it was left laying around the house, all the time, but now, its not out of her sight
4. She has a desire to go out with her friends more often, at our expense
5. She has bought lots of new clothes and is making much more of an effort in that regard when going to work (make up, new clothes etc..)
6 Everytime I talk to her about it, she denies that she is being any different and states that its all in my head and I am paranoid
7. The content and amount of texts have drastically reduced. She never instigates any 'I love you' or 'I miss you' texts anymore, and never uses our 'petnames' that we have for each other. Its like she's talking with a mate really

The final straw came last night. I was so low that I wanted her to know how I was feeling. So I wrote them down on a card, and attempted to place it in her handbag (we used to leave notes for each other and cards in our bags all the time - a nice surprise when you got to work). When I went into her handbag, I noticed a bag from the pharmacist. I know I shouldnt have done, but I opened it - I wish I hadnt. It was an empty packet of levonelle one step. For those who dont know, it is an emergency contraception pill. It was bought that day as I saw the receipt.

My question is, with all this listed above, is my girlfriend right? Am I being paranoid, or does this stike anyone else as unusual? And, what do I do now?

Sorry for the lengthy passage. Any and all answers gratefully received...

[dem862]

You have convinced me. I think you have good reason to suspect. Why would she buy an emergency contraception pill if you haven't had sex in 3 months. I would confront her about it and give her one last chance to come clean. Whether she does or doesn't, your relationship is very likely over as the trust and affection are gone.

[Wakeup]

Have you asked her about the emergency contraception or did you just come here and tell us everything you should be telling her?

If everything you say is what is actually happening then cheating aside, you've definately lost the emotional connection you both once had. I'd ask her why she has such a thing in her purse and then wait to see how she explains that away. If you believe her story then work on your trust issues and your communication skills so that she understands that you're no longer trusting of her due to her sketchy behaviour for the last little while. Telling you that you're paranoid aint gonna cut it anymore when there's unexplained things like emergency contraceptives in her purse when you two haven't been intimate in months.

[smackie9]

She's using emergency contraception, that says she isn't having protected sex. You definitely don't want to go there anymore. Dude this girl wants out.

[babypink]

Yep she's cheating.

[OriginalWogBoy]

What happen's in Vegas stays in Vegas, except herpes, that shit will come back with you