Am I a rebound

[Pinkjacob]

Am I a rebound?
Hi, I hope you can help me, I live next door but one to my boyfriend, I am 44 and deaf and he is 25, he was in a relationship for 7 years, married for five (his ex wife still lives next door but one to me) and they have two very young children. They had a break in July and during this time me and him had a little 'thing' once. He told me he wasn't happy in his marriage, and she was moody etc, anyway he left her five weeks ago, and we have been seeing each other ever since, he has told her about us, and me and him have fallen out plenty of times in the last few weeks, he says he doesn't love her anymore and he loves me, but he is in constant contact with her, everyday, even when the kids aren't there. He texts her or calls her all the time, or just goes round to see her. He is living with his dad at the minute, but they were sharing a car for a while too, his belongings are still at her house, he hasn't taken anything, he doesn't want a divorce, they still go places together and he gets really jealous if he thinks she has been seeing someone else, which she hasn't, if she doesn't reply to his messages, he gets really worried and goes straight round (even if he's at work) to check she's ok. Am I the rebound and does he still love and want her back, but is just testing to see if she has changed ( he says she has started to change, but he is unsure of if it will last, so is he giving her more time, but occupying himself with me?) she has lost weight, controls her depression, seems really happy, and they get on really well now. He has told her that I am not a long term thing, but he tells me he loves me. Please help, what do I do?

[smackie9]

Splitting up or separating from a significant other is a way to force changes and improvement in a marriage or relationship. He has a lot invested here.....his love for his wife her and the children. It's not something that should be easily tossed away. Them being so young, with two little ones without having any real experience independently being adults......it's very difficult to manage sometimes. They lost who they were as individuals, because of all the responsibilities that is involved in a marriage/ raising a family. They just didn't know how to manage their issues so it all fell apart.

This is what happens when one leaves a marriage. They realize what is really important to them....their marriage and kids. Back off, he is trying to make things work with his wife. He doesn't want this marriage to end.


Reality check: guys will do and say anything to get sex....you being 44 years old know should better. He doesn't love you. You are just a cougar that he got some lovin from.

So yes you are a rebound. Young guys are just play things, so if you want something serious date guys closer to your age.

[haxan]

Ya, you're intuition is right, you're getting used. No 25 yr old man that amounts to anything would ever give a 44 yr old woman the time of day. Don't take offense to that, but it's a generation + apart. You're emotionally involved, which is bad. Try to meet someone that you can have a healthy relationship with.

[Pinkjacob]

I don't think he is sleeping with her, but I went away this weekend, and he spent most of yesterday with her just chatting and having a laugh, I know nothing else happened between them, then he went back there last night for a drink and a takeaway, I only know this because our other neighbour is joint friends so she tells me, he has said that if I make him choose our friendship or his and his ex wife's, he will choose her without a doubt, the kids weren't even there yesterday! Is it possible that they are just 'friends' and he has no intention of getting back with her? He does keep saying how he has noticed she has changed, and that she realises the mistakes she made, and she sine coming a better person, please help

[smackie9]

Wow did you hear anything we have said?

They are having dates to rekindle their relationship. It's obvious they are taking their time, I bet money one it, they do want this to work.

If he is saying things like "that if I make him choose our friendship or his and his ex wife's, he will choose her without a doubt". You can see his wife is his priority not you. And he says your "friendship" lol, there is nothing there that means he is serious with you.

Just stop it....... If you had any decency you would want the best for him, and have this marriage saved.