Can I ever trust her again?

[RogaThat]

Hello all,
I'm new here and this is my first post.

So me and this girl, have known each other since we were very young. We've always been close, but only started dating two months ago - about 15 years after we met. Anyways, everything was going super smooth in the relationship. She ended up going away for a week to visit a friend, and partied a lot. All was well, at least I thought. About a month after she came back from her trip, we had a chance to talk. She told me that on one of the nights, she got drunk and high... ended up blacking out and woke up in the morning to find out she had sex with her best friend's boyfriend. She was completely open about everything and answered any questions I asked her. She has made a promise to me that she will never again drink to that extent and not have control over what she is doing. I have laid out ground rules - she can not have any more contact with the guy, or drink with her and her best friend/best friend's boyfriend ever again. After all this, I still feel like a sucker - but I don't want to throw away a lifelong friendship and a relationship with potential because of a drunken mistake. I know her too well, and know that she wouldn't intentionally hurt me like this. She is a good christian girl - she tells me what we have is special (sex life, relationship), but cheating on me is humiliating for her and what her and the other guy did was garbage. I don't want her to feel guilty - but will time heal our wounds? Obviously, I am having some insecurities about the relationship. We are both committed to trying to fix this and I'm not ready to just walk out of the picture... yet. I want to grow and make this relationship stronger, but I also don't want to feel the anger and disappointment associated with it. I'm generally a very confident person, and have dated quite a few girls. I know what I want in life, and I know when to walk away from a sour situation. But this is different, any other girl would have been shown the door pretty quickly. She is not the first to hurt me, but it was a kick below the belt thinking of her with another guy - whether she consciously knew what she was doing or not, cheating is cheating.

Is there any way to get past this and move forward in a positive direct?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

[bluesummer]

Ok, first of all, you don't black out and have sex with someone. Seriously. In my younger years, I got ridiculously drunk and high to the point that I couldn't manage a sentence, but when I had sex with someone I damn well knew it. My inhibitions were obviously way down, but I knew what was going on and with whom. He wasn't sleeping with a mindless zombie. So you're buying that crap awfully easily.

Secondly, why are you wasting so much time on worrying about how guilty this is making her feel? She is very clever in turning this around and making it a 'woe is me' situation. "Oh I cheated on you and poor me I'm just SO humiliated and GUILTY. No, no....don't feel sorry for me. It was a drunken mistake I had no control over and shouldn't be judged for, but I'm JUST SUCH an AWFUL person." She's totally taking away from your feelings and your right to be upset. In that sense, she's disrespecting you again.

If you knew when to walk away from a situation I would say you'd have been out the door already. But you clearly want to believe her so badly that you're really making excuses left right and centre. This is a two month old relationship, you've invested nothing in it and she's already shown her true colours. Man up and move on already.

Good christian girl? Sad christian hypocrite is more like it.

[Wakeup]

Well I'm agreeing with Blue here but you ask this

Is there any way to get past this and move forward in a positive direct?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

So I'll give you some advice that applies only if you're too afraid to walk away from her. You need to ask her why she didn't report her experiance as the rape that it apparently was. If she was blacked out, then she could not give her consent to him to proceed. In many places that is considered rape. Ask her about that and then listen to her excuse why she never reported him. Did she tell her friend about what her SO did to her? If not, why not? Perhaps that will help you to make a concise decision, based on using your head and not your heart.

[Cerby]

Dating 2 months, already cheated. Sorry, this is a pre-cursor of things to come. 2 months isn't enough of an investment to even try to save this. Save your own humiliation and just end it. Be nice, tell her that you just can't see yourself getting past it.

[distilled]

Roga, her being a "a good christian girl" doesn't mean jack. Your girl just banged another dude and for some reason you seem all calm about it. You do need to feel and show the anger and disappointment. WTF, you laid out some ground rules? LOL are you guys playing a game or something. Did she even show any remorse for what she did? She was completely open because she has you wrapped around her finger - and now she is "committed" to fixing things, how convenient for her. Unless you show her that there are consequences to what she did, she'll continue to walk all over you.