GUYS i need a mans point of view on this one

[majt]

This will be a long one, but it is needed....

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. Apart from the 10 hours in-between us we honestly have a great relationship. I can truly say he is my best friend and lover .
We have honesty trust love and a great friendship.
Recently he has been really distant about a month ago I went down to see him and he said we need to talk. As I turned around to look at him he was crying. My heart broke. Either he was breaking up with me of he is going to die any time soon. He is a man's man and in the time we have been together he is not a very sensitive guy.. So you can imagine why these thoughts went through my head. ( About 9 moths ago we decided when I finish uni I will be moving down to Melbourne. We started looking for houses started planing the rest of our lives together. He even named our children .....
Yes we do have fights but to tell you the truth nothing big we make up after about 10 mins.)
As he was sitting there in front of me crying I could honestly feel my heart breaking.
He basically told me he feels guilty that I'm leaving Sydney and I'm leaving my family most importantly my little 10yr old sister that I practically raised. I told him I'm not doing this for him ... I'm not moving for anyone but US... He has no reason to feel guilty.. ANY WAY we solved that there and then.
I got back to Sydney and I can sense something is bothering him.. He doesn't like sharing his thoughts with anyone but me... and it cut me open when he didn't even want to talk to me about it. about 2 days before i was going back to Melbourne to see him .. he called me and just by the tone of his voice I knew it was over.
"I just don't think its going to work. I love you with everything in me. But its just not going to work." He told me not to come to see him and that was it..
Any way .... I didn't give up. Friday morning I woke up called him and told him I'm not giving up I'm coming tonight ... he just said "do you think that's a good idea." I said Yes i do...do you ? He just said Yes.....
That night he came and picked me up from the airport and we sat there in the car for about few hours hugging and crying like idiots. The weekend went past we had the time of our lives as we always do..We spoke about it and said im moving to Melbourne by the end of this year (his idea). All was good . Monday night I'm back in Sydney and I get a call. For some reason I was scared to answer it.
He basically poured his heart out to me and then said things are so good when we are together and as soon at you get back to Sydney its turns to shit. He told me he is not ready for the move but he hates the long distance. Again my heart broke into a million pieces. for the next 2 weeks we didn't communicate I gave him that time to think to wake up bang his head on a wall and see what we have is so good. Couples that live 10 mins apart don't have it as good as we do. Thursday last week he called me and told me he is coming down to Sydney for my birthday. I tried not to get my hopes up but in the end I could not be any more happy . That Friday I went to pick him up we didn't talk we just hugged and walked to the car. We got to a hotel room that he booked for my birthday months ago. I couldn't even look at him knowing Monday night will be our final good bye. It killed me. We sat there looking at each other once again both crying like idiots. Went to some of my family occasions acting like a happy couple and its was not hard to act ...Next to him i feel whole again. I could see he was happy to. Most of the weekend I tried not to think about it i just tried to have a good time and that's what we did we just had an absolutely great time. Laughing being idiots making fun of each other and of course the best most passionate sex I have ever had. Monday morning came and I knew this was it. I woke up and I remembered this is the last time I'm waking up to him. I cried my heart out without him knowing he hugged me and I turned to him and saw he was in the same state. We got up he went to go have a shower. I was in the bathroom getting ready as he pulled me in to the shower and just hugged 2 hours under the water ...He was telling me he loves me and he hates this ... the drive to the airport killed my life...
we had a talk and I told him I still have hope ... and his reply was "GOOD" and I told him I cant stand the thought of him being single in Melbourne while i still have hope and be loyal to something that I have no control over... he replied " I'm not single...i love you." and that was it he hugged me and I left.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.... I need answers i know this is sooo long and a stupid story but i really really need some advice. I have not told anyone about this. I have kept it in this whole time but I just need someone to tell me what they think. Everytime i ask him what's going on he just says i don't know.

[Maple1714]

Ugh...how can you handle all these emotional weekends/meetings? Sounds very draining. He sounds like he is just scared of taking such a big step. That's a lot of pressure on someone...to have their significant other move away from their family to be with them. He probably just isn't sure you are "the one"...even though when you are together it feels so right. It's just a big step and he is freaked out OR there is another women...someone he has known a long time and isn't sure he's ready to totally give her up? Can you move to Melbourne and live alone or with roommates and not with him? Maybe just take a little bit smaller steps...

I speak from experience, do not ever move far away from your family/friends unless its for yourself. You are not married and he is having doubts and being emotional, so my advice is to move to Melbourne only if its where you think you will be happy even if things don't work out with your BF.

[majt]

that's the thing. every time we say our goodbyes one of us cant let go.... and the way i think of it i need to see him no matter how much it hurts. I would rather miss him for 2 weeks that i don't see him then miss him and know that i will never see him.
with the other woman thing. You might think im honestly stupid but i believe him and trust him so much that i know there is no one else.
Yes he did tell me that he hates the long distance and when he asked me to move earlier he did freak out, i know that that's the issue but we are stuck in this shit where we end it or we keep going until we are ready for the move. I made peace with me moving i understand its going to be hard but i was ready to do it for us. I just dont understand that someone that say he loves me as much as he does and is still not sure what he wants and to cry about it i just dont know what that means...

[pisces25]

Sorry but I don't think he loves you as much as he says he does or as much as you feel he does. Otherwise he would be looking forward to the move not dreading it. How long have you been together?

[majt]

2 years together in the same state and 2 years in a long distant relationship.

[pisces25]

I don't get it... you have already lived close together before? I think he is using the distance as an excuse to break up with you as he wants to break up but is too cowardly to just come out and say that.

[majt]

I don't get it either.... I have given him that chance 3 times in the last month.... I have given him a chance to think.. a chance to leave but he just wont do it. I personally don't want it to end so it would never leave my mouth. Yes we have lived about 10 mins apart we both had our own lives so when he moved to Melbourne to open up his own company. Yet we still managed to keep the relationship strong... Just the last month this ll happened ...

[Cerby]

I love these posts!

"Our relationship is great and we love each other deeply, now here are 100 reasons why everything is f*ed up and he broke up with me".

Majit, I know you love him, but that isn't enough. Right now he doesn't know what HE wants and is just playing games with you. This isn't fair and isn't right. You should play this a bit smarter, stop seeing him all the time, and ask him to decide for sure what he wants. Tell him you'll wait, but not forever, just long enough for him to sort himself out.

If you keep coming running to him and f*cking his brains out whenever you see him, there is no reason for him to try to fix things any more than he has.

[majt]

I love these posts!

"Our relationship is great and we love each other deeply, now here are 100 reasons why everything is f*ed up and he broke up with me".

Majit, I know you love him, but that isn't enough. Right now he doesn't know what HE wants and is just playing games with you. This isn't fair and isn't right. You should play this a bit smarter, stop seeing him all the time, and ask him to decide for sure what he wants. Tell him you'll wait, but not forever, just long enough for him to sort himself out.

If you keep coming running to him and f*cking his brains out whenever you see him, there is no reason for him to try to fix things any more than he has.

Okay now that was a wake up call....