Hello.

Where do i even begin?

I suppose I can introduce myself. My name is Katie, I am a 22 year old college student living at home until I graduate in December. Blonde hair, blue eyes and about 5'5 depending on how confidently i stand that day. However, unfortunately I have not stood tall since Sunday, September 31 2012 (obviously).

I had been with my boyfriend, T. for 2 and a half years. My first (true, legitimate,unconditional love). Of course we all have those high school crushes and flings. This was "different". we all say it right? "he's so different" but from the get-go he adored me, he loved me so much, so intensely and so strongly, always telling me he couldn't wait to spend his life with me, to make me his wife, have a home together and for me to have his children.

T. spent a large chunk of the first year and a half we were together finishing his 4 years at University in Ottawa, while he was there I made the (expensive) trips back and forth, spent long periods of time with him, waiting at home for him (9 hours away) because i knew when he came home we could finally be together and have the life we had always wanted and promised each other. T. came home in May and lived with me from May until August, which is when the problems began. His mother and father who I love dearly and have known for more years than I have known T. but are very very religious told him they were going to stop helping him with his tuition (since he was attending the community college in our city in september for a degree program) they would stop paying his phone bill and obviously be very angry. Obviously not wanting to upset mommy and daddy (even though he's a 23 year old man) he left me. Once again, to live with his brother and sister in law. seemingly he was gone.

We had planned that in December when I graduated T. and I would move in together, he flip flopped back and fourth, again not wanting to hurt his parents or go against their wishes, but being adults I thought it only made sense to move forward with the next step in our relationship and my mother is also moving to Stratford so why not save money and live together? Truthfully he would have been saving money because the rent he was paying living with his brother and sister in law was even more then he would have had to pay living with me. He never complained, he never seemed like he didn't want to, he always assured me he wanted to live with me and loved me and swore he was ready.

So the day came where he finally told me FINALLY, after at least 2 months that he was ready to make this commitment with me. He sat down the next week on a Thursday and spoke to his parents, of course they didn't like it, especially his mother but his father calmly said that we needed to make sure we were going to be financially stable enough to support ourselves, which i completely respected. So there is was. The hardest part was over and we were out of the woods, right?! WRONG.

That Saturday morning he texted me at work and was hysterical, his mother had been "made to look like a fool" all of our parents are in the same trailer park with many of their friends and she seemed to think that they all had known before her and we had lied to her and she was the last to know. Although she could have tried to communicate or make an effort to ask us like an adult what had really gone on, she did not. She locked herself up in her home and cried for 24 hours because she was so devastated, perhaps partially at the fact that she "felt like a fool" but, possibly more because she was losing control of her baby. His two older brothers are already married.

I assured T. that she would come around and that we just had to wait this out and wait until she was ready to talk. That night he was coming over and so I knew things would have cooled down by then and sure enough at 10:30 pm when he came over after work he was okay, a little stressed but okay. We talked about what was going on in his head, I gave him a big hug and we shared "I Love You's". Everything was "normal" and it felt good to hold him and know that he was standing up for us and still wanting to take this step forward. Unfortunately this is where it gets, almost foggy because it hurts so much.

He mentioned his eldest brother S. had spoken to his mother and relayed information to T. she shared that she didn't want him to sign a year lease and be "stuck here with katie" if he were to get a job in Ottawa. This needs a bit of preface because I did leave it out, about a month previous to all this drama his father called sharing that he knew a man in Ottawa and there was a job for T. if he so chose. He basically had it in his head immediately that he was leaving, with or without me and this was an opportunity he could not pass up. At this specific time he was under qualified and so that was pushed back until..well...now as you may have guessed.

After telling me his mother didn't want him stuck here, and saying "maybe its just not the right time to move in together" I was hurt and angry. I felt abandoned, I felt like he wasn't sticking up for us, that he wasn't trying, he wasn't fighting for us or me! after 2 and a half years! in this anger I told him I was NOT moving, I hated Ottawa and wanted to just stay. He then followed up by "Well then I'm wasting your time" which is when I got up and proceeded to break down in the bathroom and heard him pack up and leave without a goodbye.

He has yet to contact me, even though a few days after i cracked and called and texted. The only message I received back was "my parents are arranging to have my things packed up" are you KIDDING ME!? 2 and a half years and you cant speak to me? He had his aunt pick up his things which is when she told me T. says he is "at peace" that he "is ready to move forward in life" and that he will not return messages, calls or texts because he doesn't want to "Lead me on"

My heart is broken, I am crushed, I am devastated.This is the boy I was ready to spend the rest of my life with and I don't even get a call!? my poor little heart..i can almost feel it breaking. So here I sit...doing okay today so far.. nights and mornings are hardest. its 11:26 pm on October 4th and I have not heard from him since Saturday at midnight. Apparently there was an Ottawa phone interview almost immediately after the break up occurred, he sure didn't waste any time.

I ask you. How could you possibly do this to someone you love? some say...it was his only way out and that he may have been planning for it for a while, but 20 minutes before this all happened, I was chatting with a friend of mine whose girlfriend recently left him and i said to him "are we breaking up?" he looked at me horrified and promised me that would never happen for us, and then something changed so quickly, something clicked and he was gone.

Oh my heart.

I know its long, I know its long winded and even if it is NEVER read, at least it can be a venting system for me. Fewf.

Sincerely, Katie.



There is also a song I would like to share.. the song that describes my life at the present moment. "I was gonna marry you"by Tristan Prettyman.