Am I Naive For Thinking She Might Come Back?

[bs242508]

Hey all, I am new to the forum. I'm just trying to get a more objective point of view of my current situation so I can try to make sense of it.

I am 21, and my ex is 20. We dated from when we were 16 up until we were 18 roughly. Obviously, she was my first love and I was her first love. We were extremely close to each others families and had mutual friends. We broke up because of her �fear� of being in a relationship from such a young age, and possibly missing out on opportunities that only come around when were young. We didn�t fight too often, and when we did it was about stupid high school things that we would laugh about now. I guess I understood what she meant, but I didn�t feel the same way.

So after �breaking up� we did the miserable �on again, off again� routine. You know, basically dating, but not making it official. Phone calls, hanging out, being intimate. This lasted for about 4 months, and then we officially got back together. It lasted about 5 months or so.

During the last 5 months that we were officially together, I was a freshman in college and she was still a senior in high school. I was accepted into the main campus, but I decided to stay at the local campus that year because I felt that if I left, it would have been done for good.

Well that summer, we had broken up again. This time, we didn�t communicate as much and I was moving away to the main campus in the fall (my sophomore year of college). She was actually going to the same college (independent decisions I might add). Obviously I was upset because I was looking forward to being able to take our relationship to a new environment. As you can imagine the first quarter or so was kind of rough not understanding where our relationship stood. We didn�t talk all the time, it was actually pretty sparingly. However, after 3-4 months went by, we started talking a lot more, hanging out more, and of course that led to being intimate. So this continued for the rest of the school year. As always, it never ended in certainty and things fizzled because we weren�t sure of what we really wanted.

The following year (last year) my junior year of college things started to change. She had a boyfriend and I was pursuing other women. I was pretty happy with how things were, and for the first time I finally felt as if I was being freed from the situation. I was in a short relationship for a few months, but nothing serious and I�ve had crushes and what not. Granted, I haven�t been in another serious relationship, but I�ve experienced different types of women and situations. The thing that has always struck me as odd is that she will still contact me every now and then about problems, �just because� kind of things, to see how I�m doing, to wish me luck, etc. Things that you would think she would be talking to her boyfriend about. Also, she would talk about things that I didn�t tell her myself, so she obviously did some investigating of her own. Anyway this all leads up to the current situation.

She is currently dating her third boyfriend since we last broke up, and it�s been the longest relationship so far. This year I haven�t had any strong feelings for her, nor do I contact her initially. However, she still texts me from time to time and although they aren�t long conversations she again tells me/asks for advice on her and her boyfriends problems, always finds out about events in my life and comments on them. She even contacted me to ask why I unfollowed her on Twitter (which I didn�t think she�d notice or care). It�s like she just sticks around, so I don�t forget. Which is unfair to me because I don�t know what to do.

Here lately, within the past few weeks I have been constantly thinking about her. She knows how I feel, but I can�t really come out with a serious attempt of trying to get her back because of her relationship. Although I don�t like it, I have to respect that. I also don�t even know if telling her would be a good move or not. Looking over the past 2-3 years I guess my feelings for her have never really diminished, I just accepted that it wasn�t the right time or was out of my control for a while so I did what you�re supposed to do. Move on. But here I find myself again in the same situation. It really is incredible how when we talk we don�t miss a beat, and I just feel like I fall in love all over again every time I talk to her. I haven�t sat around and did nothing waiting for her to come back because that wouldn�t be a good idea, but in the back of my mind I have never really ruled it out. Not only because of my feelings, but her actions make me feel that they are more than just being friendly. Yes, they have to be because of the circumstances, but I feel at heart it is not her purpose.

I guess I have no idea what to do. Am I just convincing myself that she still loves me? Or does it seem like there might be some hope? We always seem to find each other, and I jus�t can�t understand why she keeps contacting me if it doesn�t have some deeper meaning.

[aprilshowers]

Personally it is hard to say what her motives are but it could be just that she still cares about you. It doesn't mean that she wants you back as a partner but values you as a friend in her life. I'm also female and have been in the situation where I have had great chats etc with exs and they presumed I wanted to get back with them but I really didn't. I just wanted to continue our friendship because I cared for them. The really only thing that you could do to get a definite answer would be to take the courage and ask her straight out.