Feeling Lost

[Rookaloves]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we have had some ups and downs. A major issue I had to overcome was the fact that his brother-in-law's sister was an ex-girlfriend. It wasn't a big deal until she started contacting him at the of our relationship and he hid it from me. It's taken us a lot of time to remedy that problem, and I am now more comfortable with her.

That aside, there was a period in our relationship where we separated for 5 months. In that time we saw other people and eventually we came back together and have had a stronger relationship then ever. Until now.

I found a message on his Facebook, it's over 400 threads long talking to one of his ex-girlfriends. It's a particularly big deal that since this conversation occurred 6 days before I moved away from my family to join him in a new city 1600 miles away. We had been together for two years at the point he decided to move south, and I wanted to go with him but had to stay at home and work.

So this online conversation happened 6 days before I arrived. It starts off very flirtatiously and then he begins to vent about me calling me a bitch, and saying that it was my fault we broke up the first time so I get what's coming the second time around. He talks with her about how he is drunk during this conversation and how he is an asshole for speaking to her in this way since hes not single. He even admits several times that if his "girl were to read this he'd be single". But he says he doesn't care, he's not sorry and he means everything that he says. He tries to trap her into saying he is sexy and she does, they talk about their sexual past and other inappropriate things.

I was so shocked when I read it that I didn't even have an emotion about the whole thing. I told him about it, and showed it to him and even made him read it with me. His reaction was genuine horror and shock. He has apologized, said he didn't mean it that he felt insecure and had concerns about my coming down, and that he intitially wanted to apologize to her for things he had said and done in their relationship 10 years ago. He also apologized to her for being a one night stand during that time we were apart. He also told her that he had always hoped their paths would cross and things would work out between them.

I feel that his apology is genuine, he is absolutly mortified by the things he said and how he has hurt me. But I feel so betrayed and hurt.

I don't know how to handle the amount of emotions I am feeling now that he is at work and I have some time to myself to think. I want to look at the message again, I want to know if more conversations like this have happened and I need to see it for myself. I am trying to ask him to give me the password so that I can do that.

Can anyone help me find away to get through this?

[bcgirl]

It is apparent to me that he is not 100 percent committed to you or being in a serious relationship. He may be too young or immature to want to completely settle down. He probably still wants to enjoy having the single life to flirt with girls and get an ego boost until he is caught red handed. Don't allow his sad reaction fool you. I used to cheat on my ex all the time, when he caught me red handed I can pull on the Act with all the drama of crying, threatening to die if I don't have him and all that boo Hoo shiat. He would always fall for it and take me back... Then we would have our honeymoon stage, lotsa sex and I would pretend I was "the best gf ever". What he didn't know is I just got smarter with hiding my cheating so I wouldn't get caught red handed again. Phones, Facebook, laptops all had passwords.... I made up other emails that he didn't know about etc. if u need want to know more about how cheaters can hide thingS and get away with it just pm me. But I do not think u should give him another chance. The damage is done. What he has done is irreversible and will probably cause a lot of insecurities and fights later down the road. U will constantly have that feeling even years down the road of not completely able to trust him