Urgently Need Advice!

[InManicPanic]

I really need help, I just don't know what to do at this point. This is a very screwed up situation, so bear with me.

My boyfriend and I had been together for only a few months, but I thought we were doing well. We hadn't fought or anything and seemed to enjoy each others' company like a normal pair, so I was stunned when he just disappeared on me one day. It's been weeks and he won't answer my calls or texts and won't call or text me. So I had to face the fact that he decided to end it, but didn't have the heart to at least say goodbye. So in order to keep myself from trying to call him again, I erased anything I had relating to him (from phone, from facebook, from email, from address book, everything).

Just as I'm starting to get over this, I notice changes with my body that are too embarrassing to say. So I go to the doctor and...yeah, I'm pregnant. I didn't know how this could happen because although I wasn't on the pill we did use a condom every time. But I was very "tight" (especially my first time) and it was a struggle, I was literally crying, so I suppose the thing could've ripped? I guess it did at some point. There's supposedly only some 3% chance - lucky me, eh?

I don't know about this, but I thought about it trying to come up with theories as to why he disappeared. I also found out I'd developed a yeast infection, which is common at the start of pregnancy. I might've passed my yeast infection on to him at some point, and he may have thought it was something worse (like an STD) and maybe that's why he just left like that? If so, he's probably mad about it.

I'm just very stressed right now (and maybe he is, too?). I might be okay about it if he was still here, but he isn't. Everything would be so much simpler if I could just talk to him, and have a chance to explain everything. I've been trying to contact him to tell him this, but he's gone MIA. I don't even know how well he'd react to this since he's already got a few children from a previous marriage, or the yeast infection accident if that's why he left. I've been thinking maybe I should just go up to his job to tell him, since I still remember where that is...normally I wouldn't, but this is fairly important.

I don't know what to do...part of me wants to keep the baby, but a big part doesn't. And I don't know if he'd want his kid if he knew. And I don't want him walking around thinking he's caught herpes or something from me when it's a yeast infection. Really, the only way I can possibly afford to keep a baby is if he was with me...I'm a college kid, I don't have a job or a house. He does, though. I don't even think I'd want it without a father.

I've thought and thought about it but I really can't think about it anymore. I have midterms coming up and a ton of homework due (procrastinated mostly due to occupation with these issues), and I'll fail out of university if I can't resolve this issue and quit thinking about it. Should I go to his job to tell him? What am I to do???

[Cerby]

Think logically if you can't make a decision.

- He left before he knew you were pregnant, so he is gone, and not coming back.
- Forcing someone to be a dad will not make him love you again, and you stated yourself you can't do it without him
- The relationship was too short to make a true salvation attempt

If you're pro choice, I would definitely end this and move by it. You're not ready for a child, it will impact your school and your future. I don't think you can expect ANYTHING from him.

[Wakeup]

I agree with Cerby. Why do you even need to tell him? Just go to your doctor and have things taken care of. If you insist on keeping this child then contact your mother and ask her to help you. Why do you want to keep a creep around that bails without even saying goodbye. He's a jerk or just a player who will resurface when he's sure you're an emotional wreck for him and it will be a sure thing for you to fall into his arms like he's done nothing. Don't take a lame excuse for his absense without leave should he suddenly reappear. It'll be bullshit anyway.

[smackie9]

Since you are in college, there are counselors available to you...I suggest you make an appointment....you really need to talk to someone about this.

[VincenzoG91]

To hell with him. The way he has been ignoring you is horrible. You would be better off thinking of him as dead, so you can be sad and then get over him.

Focus on your own life and take care of yourself. You're busy with college right now, and dropping out to have a kid and be a single mother would be probably wreck most of your plans for your future. Don't do that. Like Cerby said, if you're pro-choice, get an abortion. You can have a kid later in life, when you're ready. If you're pro-life, give birth and then put the child up for adoption.

[smackie9]

Could it be possible that he is still married? Maybe he was just separated and decided to go back to his wife.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Smackie, there's nothing in the story to suggest that outright, but your track record is pretty damn good with shit like this.

[Maple1714]

You should not have this child. Forget the douche. It's really hard to pass on a yeast infection to a guy...really hard...and you prob. would need to have unprotected sex I would imagine for it to happen anyway. My BF got one too...but not in his penis lol. I know its gross...I never developed one. Who cares what that jerk thinks anyway...and he would know that is was just a yeast infection if he went to he doctor...but I seriously doubt he got one. What state do you live in? Asking b/c of abortion laws....don't go alone...take a close friend.

[bcgirl]

First off it is very highly unlikely he thought u gave him an std. U have a yeast infection and him contracting a yeast infection from a broken condom is slimmer than getting pregnant with a condom. Men don't get yeast infections like women do, if the slim chance of him happen to have it...men won't show symptoms. So forget that theory. How did u find out u had a yeast infection? u probably didnt know until u had a pap test huh? well if u carried no symptoms, how the hell is a guy going to notice when yeast infections r mainly in vaginas. A more plausible explanation why he decided to stop contact with u is perhaps u were just a rebound for him and he has worked things out with his ex wife. U meant nothing to him and so he didn't bother even giving the decency to talk to u and explain himself. The way he has left u only suggests he never liked u enough in the first place and why would u ever want this guy around to be the father of your baby? He had children already that he will need to pay child support on, unless he is rich...good luck on trying to get much out from him in child support. U r still young and your future and education is important. Be a strong and independent woman and take care of this yourself. Mistakes happen, condoms break (I've had condoms break too). It's ultimately your choice whether u want to keep the baby of not, but do not make your decision based on him in the picture. Do what is right for you right now. What good can come out of u telling him? He might think u r lying, it's not his baby, or worse....say he will take care of u etc and then leave u in the dust when baby comes. U don't need that drama at this point to cloud your judgement. Considering you have no money, u r a student, u r young, would be a single mom it would be very tough for u to raise a child properly unless u have loving family that will help u. I agree, if u r pro choice get an abortion and move on with your life in a positive direction

[InManicPanic]

Thank you so much to everyone who replied...I guess I knew in my head that the only realistic solution that doesn't end horribly for me is to not have the baby, and the chances of any other situation working out well were nice thoughts, but had slim chances of happening...I just thought he should at least be told since he's the father, but he's making that impossible, so I suppose I just won't.

[Maple1714]

Yeah...doesn't sound like he would care if he knew anyway. How could you not tell he was a shitty person when you first met him? I'm really just curious bc I don't understand why you would want to get involved with an asshole in the first place? I can always tell the type of guy I'm getting involved with from the beginning...just by watching his actions.

[bcgirl]

Yeah...doesn't sound like he would care if he knew anyway. How could you not tell he was a shitty person when you first met him? I'm really just curious bc I don't understand why you would want to get involved with an asshole in the first place? I can always tell the type of guy I'm getting involved with from the beginning...just by watching his actions.

Some ppl are just masters of deception. I know first hand all about this. I was with my ex for years but he had no idea of the extent of my cheatings. The guys who were happy to spend money on dates with me, shower me with gifts, take me home to meet the fam all had no idea I was even in a relationship. If me and my ex were resolving our issues, I would stop calling or talking to my "rebounds" or make some fib as to why I'm not talking to them n e more. They ALL bought it. Sometimes u really do not know a person at all especially if its only been a few months

[bcgirl]

Thank you so much to everyone who replied...I guess I knew in my head that the only realistic solution that doesn't end horribly for me is to not have the baby, and the chances of any other situation working out well were nice thoughts, but had slim chances of happening...I just thought he should at least be told since he's the father, but he's making that impossible, so I suppose I just won't.

Ya sometimes it's nice thinking u can have the picture perfect, all American wholesome family and play house like u see in the movies. Reality doesn't work that way. Reality is that money is a big issue when u have kids, simple things like diapers are expensive and without a job it's very stressful. On average it's about $10,000 per year to raise a child (never mind the extras like piano lessons or swimming lessons). If u were to have a child, wouldn't u want the absolute best for them? Whole bunch of extra curricular activities, good nutritional foods (not the cheap crap that leads to obesity and cancer), good schools so they grow up smart and can get good jobs. Also reality is that being a single mom is tougher than having another person to help. Even meeting a new man will be tougher because many men do not want a woman with kids if the kids aren't his unless he has some of his own. Reality is, an employer will be more hesitant hiring a single mom. U will one day hopefully find a man who loves u, asks u for your hand in marriage and then have a lifetime to play house with. This man isn't it. If u r strongly considering abortion, dont wait too long, u only have 3 months since conception

[smackie9]

InManicPanic, you have some sound advice here, but it is up to you what action you feel you need to do. Despite his actions, he still has the right to know. I can see that you want more than that tho, you want closure...I feel you have every right to know why so you can put this all behind you. Even tho some may not like what I have to say, (shit as one would put it), I know someone just doesn't wake up one morning and decide to walk away. There had to be an action that took place for him to react so abruptly the way he did. It's obvious he has a secret that he is avoiding to reveal. Yes something may have scared him...possibly he knew the condom did tear and it freaked him out not wanting another child to support. It's possible, he was seeing someone as well as you and he got busted. It can be anything. If you really want to know, tho it is not wise IMO, by all means seek him out in person. Just make sure you keep your emotions in check, don't freak out on him, and reassure him you are not there for revenge.

It's your life, you are adult enough to make your own decisions on what you should do. Best of luck.

[bcgirl]

^ the problem with this is that we are all only human. It's nearly impossible to keep your emotions in check considering the degree of the situation (pregnant, young girl who is scared and totally lost with no support). Sure, I can understand the need for closure if it was a serious bf of a few years...but they were only dating a few measly months. The strength the op has gained, can be all washed away when she sees this dude and confronts him. This is 100% the op's decision to keep the baby or not, and we don't want the guy to sway this decision when the op is at her most vulnerable. Afterwards if the op still feels like she needs closure, she can let the guy know whether she kept the baby or had an abortion. At this stage she most likely will be more emotionally stable