Please someone help me. I really don't know what to do.

[terminallychill]

Your input in this situation would be greatly appreciated. I have absolutely no idea who to turn to, hopefully some other opinions on this matter will help me out.

I met my girlfriend around 3 months ago. We fell deeply in love after only meeting a few times. We connect on every imaginable level, we have a love that most could only dream of, and it's wonderful. It's truly fairytale stuff, I never thought I could feel like this, and neither did she. We have the same dreams of traveling, love the same music/art/literature, have the EXACT same sense of humor, and have this wonderful rapport that I've never encountered, nor she.

She has recently started college in another city, another country, so we decided to take things to another part of the world together, because we love each other that much. So I quit my job, packed up my life and now I'm closer to her, albeit temporarily in another part of the country she's now in, and I'll be with her soon.

A few nights ago, she went to meet someone who she had an attraction to in the past, and remained close with. They sent naked pictures to each other at one point. He has a girlfriend, and she has me. She told me before she went that he's now one of her best friends, although that was their first time meeting each other in person. They've been online friends for years, and have helped each other through many troubles apparently.

She called me later that evening, and told me he made a move on her, and they kissed for a few seconds. She was really upset, and phoned me instantly after this happened to inform me. She told me she didn't want this to happen, and she felt really bad about it. I called her 15 minutes later and she was sitting on his bed with him, talking. I told her to please leave him and go get a cab home. He stayed with her until she got the cab. He was crying when she left, thinking that was the last time they'd ever see each other.

As you can imagine, I reacted badly. I was torn up, after only arriving here to start our lives together. I got the call while my closest friends who I haven't seen in a year, were throwing me my welcome home party. I told her that he shouldn't be a part of our lives after what he did. She agreed and deleted him from her phone, Facebook etc. I never want to tell her who she can and can't see, I trust her, I don't trust him. This is an extrememly sensitive and unusual situation though.

The next day she said she felt horrible about how things ended with her and him, and wants him back in her life. I guess what I want to know is, should I be ok with this? I will do anything to save our perfect love together, but this will always hang over us, as long as he's around. She has been through a lot with this person, and I don't want to be the guy who prevents them from contacting each other. I'm just so furious at him.

She said I'm the most important thing to her, yet yesterday she seemed more concerned about the well-being of this guy, than how I was affected by everything that happened. I feel worse than I ever have in my life, and just don't know what to do. She is being incredibly vague with me, and not sending her usual 'I love you' or 'thinking of you' emails. I apologized yesterday for suggesting she erase him from her life, but I'm confused, I thought if I, and our love, matter to her the most, that she would have instinctively done that anyway. I was even contemplating suicide because my newly-found, perfect world was crashing down around me. She knows this, yet still wants to now pass the blame to me, and make me seem like the one with most to apologize about.

She's coming to see me this weekend. Please help. I'm a complete wreck.

Thoughts?

[bebaba]

Firstly, please seek help if you are seriously contemplating ending your life over this.

I feel as if I can offer advice, as I have been in a slightly similar situation (fell madly in love with man, man loved me back, perfect for 5 months, man meets other woman and texts then meets up, I find out, man dumps me, man wants to reconcile but still wants to keep in touch with other woman ...)

NOW let me say - your GF needs to understand that this is NOT a real friend - sorry but an online friend is not a real friend - call me old fashioned .. so she needs a reality check - I do not personally understand how someone can feel close to somebody they know virtually.

Here are some facts:
She should not have gone to meet him.
She then certainly should not have kissed him
You should not feel AT ALL bad for suggesting that she cuts him out of her life, especially now this has happened (the meet-up/kiss)
You should not be reading into things and analysing her texts/emails and their lack of 'I love you's' etc - it will drive you mad
You must compose yourself before seeing her, nervous wreck = no chance of a constructive conversation.
She should apologise to you and erase online guy from her life
You should forgive her if she does both of the above

Good luck

[terminallychill]

I really appreciate your input, thank you so much.

It just seemed our perfect world was crumbling around me, so soon after moving my whole life around just so I could be with her.

We already have discussed getting married and having kids, traveling the world together and having this life we could only have dreamed of, until we met.

She told me that she finds it hard to cut people out of her life, and turning her back on friends is just something she won't do. She said I wouldn't be the person she fell in love with if she could so easily erase someones existence, and if I made her do it, she would doubt my love for her. I think these circumstances are completely different though.

[bebaba]

Turning your back on your friend is different to turning your back on somebody who (sorry to put it this way, but) your girlfriend has technically cheated on you with.

Explain it in that way to her, let her know in a calm and collected way just how hurt you are.

You may have met online and fallen in love after meeting a couple of times, but she has only met this guy once, and he betrayed his position of a friend during that one meeting. You have to realise the differences between the circumstances and so does she.

Keep smiling and I know it sounds like an old wives tale/mother hen suggestion but DO SOMETHING like go swimming, running, reading, dancing, to keep your mind off the situation!

[terminallychill]

Thanks, bebaba.

The fact she knows him longer than me, may play into this. Her loyalty and honesty is very admirable though. I've been cheated on before and had to find out the hard way, but the love I had for the previous girl is laughable compared to this one. I'm not going to class this as cheating though. He kissed her, 3 seconds later she pulled away, then called me instantly. I want to also add that they'd been drinking together.

She said he's someone who suffers from depression issues, and that he just wanted to know what it was like to be close to her. I can't seem to sympathize with him though. He has a girlfriend too, and his own selfishness almost cost me my relationship, and even at one point of the night, my life. I have cleared any stupid thoughts since then though, although I still want to see a doctor, to keep myself right.

She is still very upset. Is there anything I should do to comfort her, that maybe I'm not realizing?

Thanks so much for your time.

[bebaba]

I understand your points there.

Let her know that you admire her loyalty etc. but do not bother trying to sympathise with this guy who may have problems but is clearly a douche.

The best thing you can do if you feel in your heart that it is possible - is offer her your forgiveness.

It is good to hear that you will see a professional because of your thoughts.

Let us know how you get on when you meet with her

[terminallychill]

Thanks for the advice

Anyone else want to chime in with their thoughts?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Anyone else want to chime in with their thoughts?

Sure, I'll chime in. You are a doormat. Your cunt girlfriend cheated on you, and you are such a scared, pussy that you allow her to remain in contact with the guy she did it with. It's pathetic really. Dump her and cite her continued contact with the guy. If she decides to cut ties with him on her own then give her another shot, if you're stupid enough to think you can trust her(and I think you are), otherwise just stay broken up.




Pathetic.

[surfhb]

I agree with the post above. She disrespects you yet you still love her? News Flash! She doesn't love you

[bebaba]

How did it go, OP?