So a whole lot of sheisse just blew up this arvo at school. I get a call from this girl - a girl I've loved deep down for years. She's in the school bathrooms, crying, because her friends just held an intervention on her at school because she's been getting too "slutty". I've often thought as much, her new group of friends from work are the sort of people that usually disgust me and its been sad and even scary to slowly see this girl I've loved becoming something I don't. We're super close, incredibly close - but we've never gone out or entered an official relationship because we don't want to stuff it up. So she's crying and upset that her friends were lecturing her and judging her; and although I somewhat agree with them, I would never do what they did in such an inconsiderate manner. I've always held on hope that maybe she wouldn't change, but if she did change then that's her choice and unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes she's put me through hell, and this was one of those times - she told me that there's stuff she's done and hasn't told me about... but I managed to bite my tongue and stay calm and be there for her. As we were saying goodbye, through tears she said "I love you." and I simply replied with "Bye."... lately she's told me a lot that she loves me, but I haven't said as much back because I'm afraid she'll hurt me. But this time she asked, "Why do you never say it back?". I didn't reply, and she hung up.

She wasn't too outwardly fazed by this - we've texted since, and she told me again how much she loves me. But now I'm fazed. I've always loved her... but at that moment, when she asked that question I couldn't find the part of me that loved her anymore... her words, "there's stuff I've done which I haven't told you about" and the tone in which she said it through half tears haunts me so badly and I for once can't tell myself that I love her. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to feel. Any advice from anyone who's been through something similar before would be good. I would ring her and talk to her about it right now - but guess what... she's going out partying tonight.