Is it the real thing with my ex and his new gf?

[Artystar]

My ex and went out for almost 2 years ( I have posted about us before) he told me he truly loved when he was with me. His parents thought we were it and even he said he had not felt like it before. He suffers from depression, which came out a few months into our relationship. I tried my best to support him, but he always said I didn't do enough, I didn't show him enough love. In the end he split up with me saying I hadn't been good enough. I was always fiercely independent and liked being busy but I did everything to make him an important part of my life. He was also jealous of my past relationships and any male friends in my life. He cheated on me when we were together (with a 44 year old that I knew) and after much begging I took him back.

Since then he has asked me back twice and promptly dumped me twice. Telling me he loves me in between. The last time he wrote me a letter saying he was in a different place (has a part-time job as a bouncer alongside his full time job) Two weeks later he said wants to be friends and a relationship isn't on his list of priorities at the moment (the following week telling me he had a dream we got married! )

Two weeks later I find out he has a new gf. She is 19 (he is 27) a student and barmaid, where he is a bouncer and they have known each other for 4 weeks. A week ago he told me they were just getting to know each other now they are in a full fledged relationship. She is very very pretty and young. I am surprised, he has never moved this fast! we went through a lot before our relationship became official and I know in the past he preferred sleeping around. Her profile pic is them two together and they have a lot of activity together. It seems so intense. I guess I want to know has he found the 'one' and has she really changed him. I don't want him back, as I know he is really bad for me, but I am curious. I am also hurt and my self esteem has been knocked. We went through so much had such a deep connection at one point (or so I thought) it was him who brought up marriage and children- was it all just lies? Is this girl the one that's changed everything for him? I've told him I dont want to be his friend and he didnt care in the slightest.

[Wakeup]

The fact that you're even still talking to this man is mind boggling. You went back to him twice and her promptly dumped you both times. What ails you that you need to take this type of emotional abuse and then lament when he's finally out of your hair and has found another naive woman. Where is your self-respect, doll that you care still about this creiten and what he is up to?

So Effing what that he brought up marriage and children. You should be feeling elated that you were smart enough not to get pregnant by such an ass... not lamenting that he talked about those things with you. Talk is cheap. Actions are where you'll find your truth. The action of him hoovering you back in only to blow you out TWICE once he had you should be enough action to tell you to block and delete this douche and stop crying about such a disaster in skin.

Your self-esteem was "knocked" well before this happened. For you to even talk to him after he talked you back in and then dumped you once, never mind twice is proof of that.

Please work on yourself by reading books on confidence, self-worth and by doing things that you've accomplished. That is where you'll get your self-worth back and strong. Not from some asshole who doesn't deserve even your thoughts of him.

I've told him I dont want to be his friend

Ugh! Why? Why would you want to be friends with someone who has mistreated you? Don't be so naive and afraid to be alone that you'd keep someone in your life who has wronged you this way.

[Artystar]

Thanks wakeup that was hard to read but also so true. The truth is I'm not even sure myself any more! I was such a strong person but after this relationship felt so weak...I'm thinking of speaking to a therapist to see why when it comes to guys why I can be so weak.

Truth is I have achieved a lot and have a lot going for me- I know there is more I want to do and get on with. I have my list of non-men related goals to be getting on with but I guess my wondering mind goes back to them. Things have changed for me in the last couple of years through work and stuff and I think I need to be more happy in those situations to truly stop thinking about him. I am working on that now. I guess when he first dumped me the feelings didn't completely die and he continued to contact me so they stayed alive.

He asked to be friends but I have decided that enough is enough and he doesn't deserve my friendship. I have deleted him from life, thrown any memories away and deleted his number. But a small part of me still wonders about him and this new girl....

[Wakeup]

Thanks wakeup that was hard to read but also so true. The truth is I'm not even sure myself any more! I was such a strong person but after this relationship felt so weak...I'm thinking of speaking to a therapist to see why when it comes to guys why I can be so weak.

Truth is I have achieved a lot and have a lot going for me- I know there is more I want to do and get on with. I have my list of non-men related goals to be getting on with but I guess my wondering mind goes back to them. Things have changed for me in the last couple of years through work and stuff and I think I need to be more happy in those situations to truly stop thinking about him. I am working on that now. I guess when he first dumped me the feelings didn't completely die and he continued to contact me so they stayed alive.

He asked to be friends but I have decided that enough is enough and he doesn't deserve my friendship. I have deleted him from life, thrown any memories away and deleted his number. But a small part of me still wonders about him and this new girl....

You should feel very proud that you had the strength to do that. Now, whenever she or he pops in your head, consciously change the thought to something else.. like how accomplished you're becoming and how you're the "prize." Before you know it, you'll radiate to good men out there what a catch you are and you'll be happier than you ever were with the douche

*Two thumbs up*

[Artystar]

Thanks I'm going to take your advice! Its hard sometimes because my ex and I are know each other through politics and have been involved in a party locally; so I often have to see him in meetings and send emails. I'm trying to avoid him as much as possible at the moment!

[Wakeup]

Thanks I'm going to take your advice! Its hard sometimes because my ex and I are know each other through politics and have been involved in a party locally; so I often have to see him in meetings and send emails. I'm trying to avoid him as much as possible at the moment!

Meh! Take back your personal power, Artystar. if at one of your political meetings he comes up to you, simply tell him that you're not interested in remaining his friend and then walk away. He doesn't deserve an explanation why you don't want to be. truly, he doesn't.