Should I leave him?

[licilu]

Hey guys I need some outside advice I have nobody to talk to about this!


I'm a 28 year old, good looking woman, I met my boyfriend online 2 months ago, he's 33 6'9 (tall) and good looking, he told me he was an illegal immigrant, he had no car, no job, no money, and he was sleeping on his friends couch. He was about to turn himself in to immigration and go back to turkey b/c the only way he could get citizenship was to marry and he just couldnt find the right girl (he wouldn't just settle). I didn't judge him for any of these things, I had just moved to the area and I didn't know anyone at all I was very alone so I felt that having the company around would be nice, and hes tall and attractive so why not?

We started dating and immediately I let him stay with me and we've been together ever since (2 months), we both claim to be in love with one another. But I find myself constantly fighting with him about things that bother me.

For example, I have a very high sex drive, sometime he goes 3-5 days without wanting to have sex. I would like sex every day or every other day at least, he says I am obsessed with sex and need to put my mind on other things other then sex and leave him alone and when he's ready to have sex he will. secondly, he never makes the first move, not even if he has an erection, he just sits there and waits for me to touch him, thirdly, theres no foreplay other then me giving him head, he says he DOESN'T eat girls out, he doesn't like to do it. Well that's my favorite thing on the planet! This makes me very upset, so I fight with him, sometimes he tries to do it but I can tell he doesn't want to so it feel forced and doesn't turn me on at all. He says I should just respect that he doesn't like to do that and stop trying to force him. ok but what about what I want? ALSO, he doessn't like to kiss! we just peck all the time, he says its just not something hes really big on, well me I love to kiss I feel like I'm missing out!

another thing, his personal hygeine... sometimes he goes all day and night without changing his clothes or showering or brushing his teeth! This drives me crazy because I am a germaphobe I like men that look and smell fresh. I am constantly asking him from the moment we wake up to please take a shower and brush his teeth, and sometimes he still won't. I feel like I am living with a teenager!

another thing, I just lost 70 pounds I was really fat, now I am curvy not fat not skinny, I still have another 40 pounds to lose till I get to goal, but when we met he didn't know I used to be fat or that I wanted to lose more weight so he met me the way I was. well now that I told him he's constantly commenting on what i eat, and that I need to go excresize and he wants to see me fit and blah blah, 2 of his exes are models and rail thin, this makes me feel like ****.

another thing:
He has a very sexual past and it bothers me, he says he used to be a huge player but now he wants to settle down with just one girl, he has been with over 100 women and loves threesomes, anal, swinging, etc.... he asked me if im into girls and he'd love to see me with one, this makes me very uncomfortable and now I wonder if I'm enough for him. I am a very jealous person and this has made me even more so!


also,
Music is a huge passion for me ever since I was a child, and he hates all the types of music that I love, so I never listen to my music anymore because we're always together and he complains. I feel like part of me is missing and music is also a huge way that I connect with people it evokes a mood, a bond and emotion and when in love I feel music is an important thing to connect to.. .am I wrong?


we are comfortable with each other, we do have moments of happiness, we kid around a lot, when we do fight we make up really easily with no grudges, we are supposedly in love, we do care about each other, we are both good people........... but all of these things feel wrong to me and I feel like there might be someone out there that matches me better and is more compatible with me that I would be happier with... here is the kicker:

If I break up with him he has nowhere to go but to turn himself in to turkey where he would have to immediately inlist in the army and turkey is at war right now things are really bad over there and I would never see him again. So I feel horrible about this and talk myself into working things out... but I don't know if I'm making a mistake or not... what do you guys think? I have self esteem issues from when I was really big and this is my first relationship since I lost weight, no man ever wanted me before and I'm afraid if I let him go I will be stuck alone again!

[reeba]

What was the point of losing 70 lbs, if you were going to go out and pick up 225lbs (is that how much that guy weighs) of baggage?

My guess is the reason why this guy has been with over 100 women is that NONE of them would sleep with him a second time - no kissing, no foreplay unless you are doing it to him, no oral sex unless you are doing it to him. That is how a guy treats a prostitute, not the woman he cares about.

I seriously doubt he will be going to enlist in the Turkish army. It is just some lame line.

And shed that fat girl low self esteem - 'No man has ever wanted me before and I'm afraid if I let him go I will be stuck alone again!' - and go out with your new sliimmer self, and find a guy who treats you like you want to be treated.

[bcgirl]

U only been dating for two effing months! I don't know whether u r a troll or not because its so ludicrous. U two are not compatible. If so much issues arise in just two months then I really doubt u two r a match made in heaven. If he doesn't wanna give u head, why the hell should u give him head? Let me guess, u oh so much enjoy doing it right? Get real. A relationship is a two way street. I don't know what Turkish women do, but this is modern times in North America and if he wants head, he better know how to reciprocate. Also, he is a 33 yr old man. If he isn't wanting to jump all over u in bed now while u two r on the "honeymoon" newness of the relationship, what's it gunna be like a year down the road? It seems to me he is definitely using u for citizenship. The purpose of him making a online account is to lure naive girls like u. He probably has a wife or gf in turkey that he loves and is waiting for him and therefore feels guilty for sleeping with u, hence why he never initiates sex. Or that he is used to sexy models and finds your body repulsive

[sssspanos]

A lot of 'another things'. You are developing a problematic situation... 6 months after hell have sex with you every 6 weeks (the same time hell have to take a shower...) .

Next...

[Boisdevie]

I'm a 28 year old, good looking woman

But clearly not particularly well endowed in the brains department are we? Jeez, where to start. Point 1. This guy is a dickhead and he's using you so get rid of him. Point 2. Read Point 1 until you get it into your stupid head.

[dem862]

The guy is a loser. He is using you for a place to live. He doesn't really care about you. If he is an illegal alien, you are harboring a law-breaker. You need to extricate yourself from this situation as soon as possible. As for being alone, don't worry, you are a female with a high sex drive, it won't take you long to find a man.