cheated on my boyfriend

[cutiegirl]

Ok guys, so yeah i know what i did is wrong and i finally own up to the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend last weekend. I feel bad, of course, but I don't think i want to tell him.

What happened was two guys invited me and my friend home after the bar. I really didn't want to go, but was sort of forced to go to accompany my friend out of protection and camaraderie. The thing is, after talking with him at the club, I kind of liked the guy I went home with. I found him physically attractive, and he was someone I could respect a lot. I think he was initially putting on a facade to impress us, and I'd like to see his true self more. I tried to get out of the "intimate" situation with him by saying we go to sleep, but he pursued it nevertheless, and eventually I just caved. I told him at the last possible moment (after some um kissing...) that I had a boyfriend... I probably should have told him when I first met him at the club, but I found him interesting, and I thought that if I revealed this fact he'd stop talking to me. Anyway, so after I told him the revelation, he said he was frustrated, which is understandable... but he was still nice and respectful to me.

I really want to keep in touch with him and have been thinking about him a bit... I thought that we got along well and I felt comfortable telling him some intimate personal details, and he with me. He doesn't have my info but I can contact him. Do you think he will ignore me if I contact him or friend him? Do you think he dislikes me or wants nothing to do with me now? How would you feel in this situation?

The thing about my boyfriend is that i HAD BEEN generally content with the long-distance thing... but after this, and feeling that rush of meeting someone new, I kind of want to explore new relationships and keep my options open... There are things about my boyfriend that I don't like and would like to change. I think it's wiser to not tell him what happened. What you don't know won't hurt you.

[searock]

First of all, you need to break up with your boyfriend. I wonder if it's of those online "relationships" in which you've never even met him.

[Love'sReject]

I think it's wiser to not tell him what happened. What you don't know won't hurt you.

That's the worst attempt at justification for something that is invariably unjustifiable in the history of things that can't be justified at all.

[cutiegirl]

No, it's not online anymore. It's very much in-person. I still care for him very much, but I'm honestly starting to think that the love is more maternal than anything. I don't know if I want to break up though...

Love's reject, it probably is, but he will be hurt beyond words. I do think that sometimes it's better to not tell your partner that you've cheated, becuase once trust it's broken -- it could potentially be gone forever. But this is only if you know you'll never repeat the offence again.

[Love'sReject]

If you break the trust to begin with, then there is no trust and only being false. You would seriously rather mislead this guy rather than giving him a fair chance to be with someone who understands fidelity? CRUEL and wrong.

[cutiegirl]

ugh yeah maybe... but he would be heartbroken. i think he likes me a lot more than i like him.

it's just that bf's so unenergetic and quiet... and i don't associate those traits with masculinity to which i'm attracted. for example, that guy i met could just get out of bed in an instant, whereas bf lingers in his "cozy" bed for hours. i know this sounds petty but these tiny things are significant of larger perceptions

[Love'sReject]

Then you need to drop him ASAP and spare him. You're going out with him on false pretenses, basically. You're not being fair to him and it looks like you have no intention to. For God's sakes, end it.

[Wakeup]

Well, lets hope you didn't pick up anything that could be transferred to your unsuspecting boyfriend.

Why keep him around when he's long distance anyway? What's your motivation there?

[cutiegirl]

ok, how do i bring up the subject with him...?

no, i definitely didn't. i think because it's nice having him around occasionally and being able to see him on some weekends. also just knowing he's there for me...

[Love'sReject]

no, i definitely didn't. i think because it's nice having him around occasionally and being able to see him on some weekends. also just knowing he's there for me...

Well, lets hope you didn't pick up anything that could be transferred to your unsuspecting boyfriend.

Why keep him around when he's long distance anyway? What's your motivation there?

I'm going to go ahead and infer that she just wanted someone on the side, a stable side order of man in addition to flings during the weekdays....

As to what to say, start with "I cheated" FIRST and foremost. Don't backtrack and try to get pity; just start with the facts rather than a long, "Well....blah blah, this amazing guy who's better than you blah blah...so in conclusion (1 hr. later), I sort of cheated on you. But I was justified, really."
YOU. CHEATED. First words out of your mouth should be those.

[Wakeup]

i think because it's nice having him around occasionally and being able to see him on some weekends. also just knowing he's there for me...

Why not tell him that you like him in your life but because of the long distance you have a want to supplement the sexual. Ask him if he's up for an "open relationship" where you BOTH get to do others. Perhaps he'll agree and you get to have your legitimate sex on the side with other consenting adults that you've been perfectly clear with and everyone has agreed to with informed consent. Most likely he'll break up with you and then you're on your own to do whom-ever will have you.

Think you have the wear-with-all to be honest and open like that and let the consequences fall where they may or are you to weak in personal integrity and will you continue to be underhanded and disrespectful to your bf? Right now you've taken away his right to choose because you're selfish and afraid and currently, you're piss poor true relationship material.

I really want to keep in touch with him and have been thinking about him a bit... I thought that we got along well and I felt comfortable telling him some intimate personal details, and he with me. He doesn't have my info but I can contact him.

Sweety, he ****ed you and didn't even bother to ask you for your telephone number. Do you honestly think that your vagina is that important that it would garner you a relationship or even regular sex on the side with him? He picked you up in a bar. Sadly, there are 1000's of others he can do the same thing with so you're likely not under his skin the way you need to be to secure him as a partner. If you contact him and lay yourself before him as regular booty without any effort then please keep your emotions out of it.

he was someone I could respect a lot.

Unfortunately, the odds are against you that he's thinking the same about you. Sorry, but that old double standard still exists in far too many men's sub-conscious.

[VincenzoG91]

Break up with your boyfriend. Blame it on the long distance, blame yourself, whatever, but try to spare him the information that you cheated on him. That's going to hurt, and there is no need to hurt him any more than necessary when you break up with him.

[LibraLove03]

If you don't want him to make you earn his trust back then keep quiet. I cheated on a guy and told him and that was so dumb. He didn't trust me he wouldn't let me go out with my friends because he no longer trusted me. He also was an insecure prick. So keep quiet love or face the consequences.

[Love'sReject]

If you don't want him to make you earn his trust back then keep quiet. I cheated on a guy and told him and that was so dumb. He didn't trust me he wouldn't let me go out with my friends because he no longer trusted me. He also was an insecure prick. So keep quiet love or face the consequences.

UTTER B.S. and immoral. Stupid reasoning, too; own up to your damn mistakes, womans!

but try to spare him the information that you cheated on him. That's going to hurt, and there is no need to hurt him any more than necessary when you break up with him.

Whaaat? I would HATE to be deceived like this and any decent guy would be, too.

LYING is NOT the way to go about it.

[cutiegirl]

wakeup:

just to clarify, he didn't **** me. he stopped when i told him i had a boyfriend. in fact, i found that he respected me, which is one reason why i'm actually thinking of befriending him. things were awkward the next morning... i kind of brought up the subject of social networking and looked at his profile with him lol but i didn't add him, becuase i didn't know if he wanted that.

i actually got a sense of mutual respect, but maybe i'm being too optimistic.

thanks for your thoughts