who does he love?:

[jessicarose]

Hello, Im here for advice. I thank all in advance for I am very grateful for all perspectives. Sorry so long but I'm in dire need of help.

I am 26 years old and I am a mother of a six yr old and 2 yr old. I was with their father for 9 yrs. We met when I was 16 and I've been madly in love with him since. He was and unfortunately still is my whole world. He was my friend adviser, lover and all. I have no family other than my children whom I love dearly. All I ever wanted was a family and now it is all gone. Last year I caught him with another woman who told me they had been dating almost a year. He then left me and the children and moved in with her. Since he was all I knew I found it hard to live without him and still continued seeing him.

For awhile it seemed as if it was something he was going through and would pass but I started observing that he really cares for this woman. He said that he is torn between her and me and loved us both. He stays with her mostly but acts as if we are still together and nothings wrong when we interact. we have sex occasionally but I tell myself its not me being weak but just fulfilling desires and loneliness . I have not been able to see anyone due to my insecurities and look forward to him spending time with the children and I as if we were still a normal family. I know I am hurting myself and confusing things but I need him to help with the children and I feel like its not fair that he is happy and I am miserable. I gave him the best years of my life two children and all in between and he just gets to leave all responsibility and start over behind my back and is now happy. Whats worse is that I am so angry but yet I love him so much I continueto let him be in our lives any way he wants.

I have hope that we will be together again but in the meantime I can see him caring for his girlfriend and her daughter as much as he cares for us . I would love to just forget him and the past but I cant since he is the father of my children and they love him so much. He has stated that he loves me but hes in love with her and hes never clear on what he sees in the future. I am confused on whether he really loves her or does he still love me. Is he just lost in passion and convenience. If so why has it been over a year and he still goes home to her instead of his family. Any advice on where his head might be or any insight at all is appreciated.

[searock]

He has stated that he loves me but hes in love with her

And this is your answer right here. I'm sorry. You need to stop having sex with him, and stop hoping that some day he will be part of your family again. You and your 2 kids are a family, you don't need a confused, immature guy who can't man up enough to make a decision and stick to it. Plus, you are still young, the "right guy" is out there, somewhere, but you'll never find him as long as your ex is still around.

[sadie_genie]

He loves neither of you since he cannot commit himself to either of you. Two women is giving him sex at his convenience so why should he be exclusive to any of of them? But don't blame him. You allow for this to happen. He isn't your friend or advisor because he doesn't have your best interest at heart. A man who has your best interest at heart would know you with your children deserves all his attention and resources and will give them to you. Don't let your emotional neediness deceive you into thinking you should stay around with this man. He thinks you have been with him almost all your life so you won't leave him. The relationship has became a convenience that he can exploit. Be strong for you and your kids and start building an independent future without him in it. Take back your self-respect and stop thinking you can make him love you.

[Joemama]

She probably does anal

[haxan]

You sound like you have no life Jessica. Being totally dependent on someone for everything, can end up getting you what you got. You didn't say anything about yourself. Start a life, date, be social, be independent.

[Maple1714]

She probably does anal

Lol, this made me laugh.

OP - Wow, you are allowing this guy to have 2 half ass relationships. Shit, why would he choose? You need to figure out a way to get him out of your life as much as possible. I understand you need his help with the kids & $$ prob., but that should be it. You are so young still! Kick his ass to the curb and work on yourself. Once you gain some self-respect and have worked on your self-esteem, go out and date others! There are men out there that know what they want.

[VincenzoG91]

He loves himself. You can do better than this.

[Ladybuggg]

9?and he never put a ring on your finger?hmmm. And instead of asking what or who je wants, work on your self esteem since u jave more time for yourself now.and the rogh question is :what do you want. Cause u are letting his mood to guide. Your life.and while he already make a choice and leave it u. Only u can stop this mess.if u want then.cause if u keep sex and allowe him to come and act like that, he will keep doing it cause u r for free.u need to love yourself before wanting any men to love u.maybe that is what u had to learn true this hard way. Men often do what u allow them to do.u see hom for the kids.so let it be about the kids. And u r teaching the kids that its okay to be treate like that by a men.