how do I get out of this?

[Davros]

I broke up with a long term boyfriend around a year ago, we lived together and we were very much best friends as well. It was a difficult breakup and as we were breaking up/the aftermathof breaking up I met another guy at work. This guy was also very interested but I was apprehensive, it was too soon. I explained my situation to him and he was very understanding. He slowly started hanging out with my friends and getting invited around our houses like my boyfriend never did (he always stayed separate we had our own friends).
A few months down the line we started seeing each other but I was still a little unsure, in my mind I missed my ex terribly but I knew aswell it hadn't worked out I wasn't waiting to gte into another relationship at all and I explained this to the new guy. I know that's what he wanted but I made sure he understood and he said it was fine.

After a while I felt that, over the course of time he naturally started feeling like he wanted to be with me as my boyfriend and I thought I'd start feeling this way too because that's the way it usually goes.. but for me these feelings just never happened. He didn't make me laugh like past boyfriends have he wasn't fun he was too shy I couldnth see in him everything that I wanted in a boyfriend usually - the things that are important to me. Months later I started to try and break the 'relationship' off, explaining this to him. This is where the problems began.

This boy would start to whinge and call me a b*tch for leading him on and because we work together at the same desk he makes everything so very awkward for me. He makes work horrendous, because he's become part of my friendship group it affects everyone and every outing we go on he'd come and just sulk if I was there and make everyone feel uncomfortable. He'd moan about me to my friends. Anyway in the end I said I'd give it another try because to be honest work was too unbearable, I can't leave, there's a waiting list to move teams.. just basically theres no options regarding work.

So anyway, we carry on as usual and he starts suffocating me massively. Staying at my house all the time and when I ask him to leave he'd get huffy. Turning up on nights out with my friends, all the time pressuring me to be with him.
Anyway. This has just carried on too long. It's been almost a year and I'm definitely not happy with this thing. I've TRIED to feel differently I really have. I just can't help the way I feel. There's nothing wrong with the guy but he's just not for me. I was his first proper girlfriend I'm 25 and he's 23. I'm scared of the way hello react again if I tell him I don't want this anymore. I know work will be unbearable. I won't be able to relax with my friends because hello be there or be talking about me behind my back. He always blanks me and it's embarrassing. He won't be civil like I've asked him to and just say hi if we pass at least

You see it's just not a simple case of telling a guy you don't want to see him anymore it's going to affect my everyday life. I'm literally never getting involved with someone at work ever again.

[haxan]

Ya, work breakups can be difficult for people to handle.

You have to do what's necessary. If it takes reporting the situation to your supervior or HR (human resources) department, you need to do that. He has to understand that he is to leave you alone, period, the end.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell him you don't like him anymore, and he should stop hanging out with your friends. Be mean. Be a complete bitch. Ignore him when you're at work, unless it's absolutely necessary for work. He begged you to give him a shot, you did, it didn't work. See who feels awkward then.

[Phil Davies]

Christ I always tell dudes being pathetic is literally the WORST thing to be. Its the ultimate turnoff. You can be a serial killer and still get laid. An asshole (preferred). A leper for christ sake. Be ANYTHING but desperate and pathetic.

You'll never look at this guy the same, you'll never date him. Theres no such thing as nice guys getting pity ass outside of the movies. He'll realize this on is own terms, the only thing you can do to expedite it is to continue to be clear and NOT send mixed signals. He'll try to read everything you do as a positive sign. Don't text him or email him funny shit. Talk in a short, absolute tone. You don't like him like that, leave nothing to his imagination. He'll get over it, eventually, and probably end up being a royal penis to every chick he meets from here on out.

Thats your fault but don't feel bad its the best thing that can happen to him. He won't be a whiny bitch anymore.

[Davros]

Yeah cheers, breaking it to him gently isn't cutting it I'm just going time have time suck up the whiney sulkiness and types my best to ignore it completely..
And yeah you're right, if he stuck up for himself and even me in general then he'd be much more attractive.

[Peter_rocks]

Sorry, but you need to cut this. This has to be done. Wish you the best cause it won't be easy at work.

[Ladybuggg]

So u wat to hear us say to u that he is all wrong and u are a poor girl?

no way! u knew that u are there to work not to date,
and u knew dating colleagues is wrong and it will cst u a lot and also your job.

U say there is notting wrong with this guy. But i think there is a lot wrong with him.
Even thou i dont know the whole story cause this is what u want to tell us..
And maybe u did lead him on, cause by reading your topic a couple of times i think i know a little what u did have with him.

cause u are not clear about what kind of relationship u had with him, but u mention things that look like more then just freinds.
so .......??!!

I think u are going to learn the hard way not to date people of your work. Doesnt matter what u feel.
At the end wrong feelings will put u in situations like this.
U made a bad choice and now u need to be a adult to solve it,

Just be honest to this dude. That its over. But before u do that see if you can be put at another department or get another job. And if those people are real friends they will have your back if u really want and will break up with him.
And starting by telling him they dont want to know what he wants to gossip about u!

And not all guys are like this dude. Guys can just break up and leave u alone.
But again i dont know how u really act towards him. So maybe u really did something to
make him go crazy like this.

But what ever it is , u dont want him so start acting like that!
Stop sitting at with him in during your lunch breaks. And if they are really your friends they will
understand and dont sit with him but with u!

And learn a lesson out of this! Cause if u keep the same behavior of that bullshit about doing stuff just cause u felt so, without using your brain u will get into worse.

You need to hve some backbone. like i dont get it, how its your house and how did he even get in
so u have to ask him to leave? so its u that keep letting him in and send the wrong signals.
So stop with that crap and act like u feel. U dot want him tell him in a serious but nice way , and act like that.